Bloodless Episode 8

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Oliver’s parents find out about his failing grades and pledge to cut off financial support for him. Thus, Oliver is forced to take a job at Second Window, where Prodigy convinces him to help him sell drugs, where he’s forced to make a moral decision. Kelly is forced to psychologically examine Oliver for an assignment. Roy is assigned a project where he has to sit in on a court case and realizes that he's involved.







“She balances on top of her head, and through a wire frame mattress and see-through lens glasses, you sit there and laugh while my dignity collapses”

  • Kristian Bell


(Cut to Oliver wearing a suit jacket and tie, sitting in someone’s office. He looks at the clock on the wall. It’s just after 11am. A besuited black man walks in and sits behind the desk)


SUITED MAN: Sorry I’m late, there was a blanket on fire in the parking lot and we had to put it out.


OLIVER: Weird! (Oliver extends his hand) Oliver Shine, pleasure to meet you.


(The man shakes it)


SUITED MAN: Bernard Sheppard, likewise. (Bernard sits back and lifts up Oliver’s resume) So, your resume is, somewhat limited. Last summer, you worked for your dad’s law firm?


OLIVER: Yeah, I was a receptionist.


BERNARD: Okay, so you have some law experience?


OLIVER: Yeah, I did a lot of…law-related things.


BERNARD: Such as?


OLIVER: I brought in donuts for LAW-yers.


BERNARD: Right, but what, law-related things did you do?


OLIVER: I got coffee for LAW-yers while they did law stuff.


BERNARD: You can’t just emphasize the word “law” and expect that to mean law experience.


OLIVER: Question answered. Next?


BERNARD: What’s your greatest strength?


OLIVER: I can throw people crazy distances.


BERNARD: …And greatest weakness?


OLIVER: I’m deathly afraid of sunlight, and you can’t refuse to hire me because of that, that’s in the Americans With Disabilities Act, brother! (Oliver stands up and thrusts his groin forward) BOOM! You just schooled on the LAW! Now who has law experience?!


BERNARD: Get out.


OLIVER: Absolutely!

(Oliver turns and leaves. Cut to Oliver standing outside Walgreen’s at night with Roy, who’s in uniform)


ROY: Alright, just remember, it’s Jackie, she knows you. Just be yourself. Except for the vampire part, don’t be that.


OLIVER: Okay. (Oliver takes a breath) I really wish my parents hadn’t cut me off.


ROY: Well, this’ll maybe teach you not to be such a lazy-ass. So that’s a positive.


OLIVER: Thanks, Roy.


ROY: Go.


(Oliver and Roy walk inside. Cut to Oliver sitting across from Jackie in her cramped office)


JACKIE: So. You worked at a law firm, huh?




JACKIE: You the dudes who try to jail Jussie Smollett?


(Oliver furrows his brow)


OLIVER: Uh, no. That would be the Cook County State’s Attorney’s office. And they dropped the charges.


JACKIE: But your dad probably knows some of them, right?


OLIVER: …Possibly.


JACKIE: Interesting. Does he know the people who killed Nipsey Hussle?


OLIVER: Sorry, do you just want to vent about the news?


JACKIE: Can you fuckin’ believe what Joe Biden did?!


OLIVER: Who knew Uncle Creepy was a Creepy Uncle?


JACKIE: Speaking of creeps, my boyfriend is in jail right now for felony assault, can your dad get him off?


OLIVER: I don’t- I don’t feel comfortable making a quid pro quo with you.


(Jackie stands up)


JACKIE: A’ight, we’ll let you know.


OLIVER: I didn’t get it, right?


JACKIE: Hell no.


(Oliver nods and leaves. Cut to Oliver driving Roy home later that night)


ROY: I tried to reason with her, but she does not trust you.


OLIVER: It’s whatever. I guess I only have one choice now.


ROY: Could we stop by Second Window?


OLIVER: Yes. We can. And unfortunately. We must.


(Oliver abruptly pulls in to Second Window, causing the car to screech and tilt)



(Cut to Oliver sitting across from Robert, the General Manager of Second Window, in his back office. The office is decorated with obscure and indie film posters)


ROBERT: …Alright, hot shot. Name a couple of your favorite movies.


OLIVER: Swiss Army Man-


ROBERT: Go no further. (Robert stands up) You’re hired. You start at the window.


OLIVER: …Thanks. (Oliver stands up and shakes Robert’s hand) I can only work night shifts.


ROBERT: Just like Charlie, huh? Interesting. You guys friends?


OLIVER: Let’s just say…he made me who I am today.


ROBERT: …Were you guys boyfriends or something?


(Cut to Kelly sitting in a large lecture hall, taking notes on her laptop. The back of her laptop is decorated with anime stickers and a big “Bernie 2020” sticker. The Professor, Indira Dewan, an Indian-American woman, is standing before the class lecturing. The white board says “Psychology of White Men” and “Professor Indira Dewan” and the date “4-2-2019”)


PROFESSOR DEWAN: (Considerable accent) I know that many of you did not take want to take this class at all and chose it simply because you waited too long to sign up for the classes that people actually want to take. But that does not mean you should not take it seriously. No matter how admittedly insufferable it is. That is why, today, I am assigning the following. (Professor Dewan brings up a PowerPoint on the projector. The first slide reads “Psych Profile of White Man (Of your Choosing)”. The students groan) I know. I know.


(Kelly perks up)


KELLY: Hmmm.


PROFESSOR DEWAN: You must find a white man. It can be your dad, your friend, your boss, your arresting officer, your prosecuting attorney or even your attacker. Then you must do an interview, and complete a psychological profile of that person, according to what we have learned. You must keep their identities anonymous, for obvious reasons. Although you can show me in private if you want.


KELLY: Interesting.


PROFESSOR DEWAN: Please try to limit use of profanities in your profile. Though I will let a few slip.


(Cut to Kelly having lunch with Rachel in their dorm’s cafeteria. Rachel bites into a cheeseburger)


RACHEL: Oh, that so good.


KELLY: That’s only because you’re high.


RACHEL: Quentin buys Columbian Grade A shit now, don’t hate.


KELLY: Have you ever done a psychological profile of him?


RACHEL: No. Have you ever psychologically examined yourself? And why you can’t get dick?


KELLY: Why did we have lunch together?


RACHEL: I hate eating alone. It’s what losers do. I know you’re used to it, but not me.


KELLY: Where’s Quentin?


RACHEL: In jail for streaking.


KELLY: Oh, my God.


RACHEL: Why do you ask?


KELLY: I need to do a psych profile of a white man, and I want to do Oliver, but, Sheffield told me to stop finding excuses to hang out with him. And to just do it.


RACHEL: Okay, best way to psychologically profile a man? Punch them in the nose. If they hit you back, they’re bad news bitch, but if they get turned on, they’re the one.


KELLY: I’m afraid to ask guys to scoot over on a bus.


RACHEL: Just ask him to hang out! You can do the psych profile without telling him about it, right?


(Kelly pauses)


KELLY: Yeah. I guess I can.


RACHEL: Great, so you’ll stop bitching. (Rachel finishes her burger and stands up) I gotta go bail Quentin out. Pay for this for me? Thanks.


(Rachel fast-walks away)


KELLY: You didn’t pay for this!?


(Cut to Oliver tip-tapping away on his laptop in the art building. Kelly walks over and sits across from him. She breathes deeply as Oliver lowers his laptop screen)


OLIVER: Kelly? Are you okay?


KELLY: Yes! (Big inhale, big exhale) Just breathing normally at a regular pace!


OLIVER: How can I help you?




OLIVER: What?!


KELLY: Sorry. (Kelly takes another deep breath) I meant to say, do you want to hang out?


(Kelly tenses up)


OLIVER: …Sure…


(Kelly relaxes)


KELLY: Really?! Oh my God, that’s awesome! Where and when?


OLIVER: Well, I work most nights, but you could come over around three and we can hang out until seven or so?


KELLY: That sounds amazing! Should I bring, something?


OLIVER: Yeah, maybe a tasteful fruit basket or something, would be nice.


KELLY: Oh, shit, I don’t know where to get one of those-


OLIVER: Kelly, I’m joking.


(Kelly smiles)


KELLY: Oh! Of course! Sorry, I’ll just bring a big bottle of water for the two of us then.


OLIVER: I have water, it’s fine.


KELLY: Well I gotta bring SOMETHING!

(Cut to Oliver chugging a cup of blood in his kitchen. He quickly finishes, washes out the glass and throws it in the dishwasher. He opens the fridge, takes a sharpie and labels his gallon of blood “TOMATO JUICE- LONG SPOILED. DO NOT DRINK OR THROW AWAY”. Oliver sits on his couch and then hears a knock at the door. He walks over and opens the door to see Kelly holding a DVD)


OLIVER: Hey! Come in.


(Kelly comes in as Oliver shuts the door)


KELLY: Thanks for having me. I know you said not to bring anything, but I brought- (Kelly holds up a Criterion collection copy of Nosferatu) Nosferatu, because I know you like weird old movies and stuff.


(Oliver bites his upper lip)


OLIVER: Ah, yes. Love that movie. Let’s watch it. (Cut to Oliver and Kelly on the couch, watching Nosferatu. The famous scene where Thomas Hutter opens a door and sees Count Orlok- a ghoulish, long-nosed, long-eared vampire, standing ominously in the distance. He theatrically shields his eyes and then jumps into a bed, hiding under the covers. The door opens on its own and Count Orlok walks into the doorway and approaches Hutter, prepared to kill) Ugh.


KELLY: …What is it? Did I bring the wrong movie?


OLIVER: No, no, it’s fine. It’s just…look at how garish and exaggerated Count Orlok looks! Imagine if some movie made a Jew look like that!


KELLY: What…what are you saying, that this is an offensive caricature of…a vampire?


OLIVER: I mean…yeah! They don’t look like that! (Beat) Or, at least they wouldn’t if they existed.


(Kelly takes out her phone)


KELLY: Interesting.


(Kelly opens her notes app and begins jotting things down)


KELLY: And why is that? Do you relate to the vampire on some level?


(Oliver chuckles nervously)


OLIVER: Of course not, it’s just that, we all have thirst, deep down inside us. Some of us just know how to control it. (Tight shot of the veins beating in Kelly’s neck) …In the face of temptation. (Kelly stares at Oliver) Excuse me.


(Oliver gets up and heads to the bathroom. Kelly sneaks over and listens in. In the bathroom, Oliver grabs a vial of blood from the cabinet under the sink and chugs it. Kelly hears the chugging. She hurries back to the couch, opens her notes app and writes down “drinking heard in bathroom- possible closet alcoholic dealing with addiction?!” Oliver comes back in, wiping his mouth and sits down)


KELLY: Want me to pause this?


OLIVER: Yeah. (Kelly pauses the movie) Sorry, I’ve been going through a ton.


KELLY: What’s up?


OLIVER: My parents cut me off, financially.


KELLY: Oh my God. Why?


OLIVER: Bad grades. Also, getting my sister completely trashed probably also played a role.


KELLY: She didn’t need your help doing that, to be fair to you.


(Oliver chuckles)


OLIVER: I just can’t believe they abandoned me that quickly. (Oliver snaps) Usually they hold us so close, we suffocate. They’ve been like that since Barrett’s death. But now they’re cutting me off? What happened?


(Kelly takes more notes, then puts her phone down)


KELLY: …Parents have a chronic inability to explain themselves. When I was a kid, my mom was very protective too. I lived on Chicago’s South Side, so it was dangerous, especially for a young girl. My mom equipped me with a rape whistle and a foul-smelling perfume to ward off danger.


OLIVER: Oh my God.


KELLY: Yeah, problem was, it also warded off friends. And, everybody.


OLIVER: Good Lord.


KELLY: Now you know why I’m so good at socializing.


(Oliver and Kelly laugh. Cut to Roy driving Melissa through Chicago traffic)


NPR: British Prime Minister Theresa May faced barbed questions from her own party this afternoon about her proposal to hold talks with Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn on how to properly exit the European Union. One MP claimed that by doing so, she was ushering in a “Marxist anti-Semite led government”, rather than the decent, far-right Islamophobic government the country currently enjoys. Corbyn has agreed to hold talks with the Prime Minister at 10 Downing, seeing it as an opportunity to see if his buddha lamp, beaded curtain and compost bin will go with the rest of the décor.


MELISSA: Do we have to listen to this?


ROY: We’re going to sit in on a court case, we gotta listen to boring shit like normal, boring adults who like boring shit.


MELISSA: Let’s listen to a podcast instead, do you mind?


(Melissa grabs the aux)


ROY: Man, don’t go touchin’ my- yeah, go ahead.


(Melissa plugs the aux into her phone)


MELISSA: I’ve touched more than just your aux.


(Roy chuckles as Melissa’s podcast starts)


PODCAST HOST: I had begun to think that maybe Joseph Powell, who had been ostensibly caught on tape standing over the body of Nancy Fremont, really WAS guilty. But should I trust my own instincts there? Or was there more to this story? It’s “Solved Mysteries Unsolved”.


(Gritty theme music plays)


MELISSA: I love shit like this.


(Cut to Roy and Melissa sitting in the gallery in a Cook County courtroom. Judge Isabella Nunez presiding. Officer Dick Reynolds is sitting on the witness stand in civilian clothes while being examined by the prosecuting attorney Vincent Steyer, a tall, middle-aged man with thinning hair and gaunt features. You can only see the back of the defendant’s head. He appears to be a balding black man in a tan suit and glasses)


VINCENT: Officer Reynolds, can you tell us a bit about the night of February 25th?




VINCENT: …2019, please.


OFFICER REYNOLDS: Uh, yes, I had just picked up items at the Walmart on Touhy Avenue, when I noticed an individual matching the description of a suspect that had an APB put out on him.


VINCENT: What’d you get?


OFFICER REYNOLDS: I pulled up to him, as did Officer Clements, we both got out, and pulled our guns on the suspect.


VINCENT: Can you identify the suspect in the courtroom today?


(Reynolds points to the black man)


VINCENT: Let the record reflect that Officer Reynolds is pointing to James Aldridge, the defendant.


ROY: (Whispered) Ooooh, shots fired.


MELISSA: Probably shouldn’t say that.


ROY: True.


VINCENT: What happened then?


OFFICER REYNOLDS: Mr. Aldridge dropped all his stolen items and we arrested him.


(James’ defense attorney, a young black woman named Carla Schafer, stands up)


CARLA: Objection, your honor, Officer Reynolds should not speculate as to how my client acquired the items he did.


VINCENT: Your honor, the fact that these items were stolen is part of the public record!


JUDGE NUNEZ: Overruled. Continue, Mr. Steyer.


VINCENT: I’m actually done, your honor, this ambitious young defense attorney can now cross-examine the witness.


(Vincent smiles and returns to his desk. He rips open a bag of popcorn and lightly salts them as Carla makes her way to the witness stand)


CARLA: Officer Reynolds, you say you were obtaining items at Walmart that night, correct?




CARLA: What were they, may I ask?


VINCENT: Your honor!

JUDGE NUNEZ: Overruled. I hope this is relevant, Ms. Shafer.


CARLA: It is. Go ahead and answer.


OFFICER REYNOLDS: I bought some, party pizzas.


CARLA: Ah. I see. Were you having a party that night?


(Officer Reynolds furrows his brow)




CARLA: Interesting! He was not having a party and YET he was purchasing party pizzas. Seems like his story is falling apart, doesn’t it, your honor?


VINCENT: Your honor!

JUDGE NUNEZ: Okay. That’s enough, Ms. Schafer.


CARLA: I’m done with this witness, your honor. May I call up the defendant?


(Cut to Roy and Melissa making out in the gallery. Then cut back to Judge Nunez)




CARLA: The defense calls James Roscoe Aldridge to the stand.


(James Aldridge stands up, revealing that he’s Roscoe from BLEP6. He takes the stand, as Roy and Melissa look his way)


ROY: Holy shit.




ROY: I-I know that guy.


(The court room officer has Roscoe put his hand on the bible and raise his right hand. Roscoe is staring daggers at Roy)


COURTROOM OFFICER: Do you pledge to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?




COURTROOM OFFICER: You may be seated.


(Roscoe sits down)


ROY: We should go.


MELISSA: Roy, I really need a good grade and I don’t have time for the rest of the week. How do you know this guy!?


CARLA: Mr. Aldridge, were you arrested on the night of February 25th, 2019?




CARLA: Who arrested you?


ROSCOE: The pig who was just up here.


JUDGE NUNEZ: Watch it, Mr. Aldridge.


CARLA: Do you know who called the police on you?



(Roscoe points to Roy, emitting a gasp from the courtroom, and coming to the surprise of Carla herself. Roy’s eyes go wide)


ROY: Uh. What’s up, Roscoe?


(Cut to Oliver working the window at Second Window during the night. He’s wearing one of the white outfits Alex and his Droogs wear in “A Clockwork Orange”. A car with a 25-year old blonde dude pulls up to the window)


OLIVER: (British accent) What kind of pishcha did you order, my droogie?




(Oliver sighs)


OLIVER: (American accent) Sorry, they make us talk in the Clockwork Orange slang whenever we wear these uniforms. What’d you order?


BLONDE DUDE: Rosemary’s Baby Back Ribs.


OLIVER: Okay, kopat. I mean, thanks.


(Oliver grabs the bag and hands it to the teenager, who looks inside)


BLONDE DUDE: Uh, sorry, I asked for zen sauce? Where is it?


OLIVER: Right, it’s not a thing we have here, or a thing at all, I think, so-


(Charlie walks over to the window)


CHARLIE: Hey! Sorry about that, dude isn’t totally trained yet, here you go. (Charlie throws a baggie into the Second Window Bag and accepts thirty bucks from the blonde customer) Right on, my dude. Say hi to your cool-as-heck mom for me.


BLONDE DUDE: You’re the best, bro, thanks.


(The blonde dude drives off)


OLIVER: What was that?


CHARLIE: You really want to know?


OLIVER: Yes! I asked!


CHARLIE: Okay, just know, if you tell the fuzz, I’ll kill you.


OLIVER: “The Fuzz”? Sure you weren’t turned in the 50s?


CHARLIE: People use certain…code words, when they order, if they want a little something extra included with their meal.


OLIVER: …So, like, “zen sauce”?


CHARLIE: Yeah. That means cocaine.


(Oliver does a double-take)


OLIVER: That’s not very “zen”.


CHARLIE: Well, we gotta cover our tracks!


OLIVER: So, they pay for the food at the first window and for the “sauce” at the second?


CHARLIE: You’ve got it, my man.


OLIVER: Everyone here’s in on this?


CHARLIE: Not everyone. The fry cooks don’t know shit. The people who do know, however, get a little cut of the profits to keep quiet.


OLIVER: So. I guess that means me too?


CHARLIE: Unless you want to work over there. (Charlie points to the hot kitchen, where cooks are sweating their asses off, flipping patties and frying potatoes) In the heat. Near a bunch of fire. (Charlie turns back to Oliver) One thing that’s a bitch about being vamp is that our heat tolerance is pretty fuckin’ low. Our fire tolerance even lower.


(Oliver sighs)


OLIVER: What’s the catch?


CHARLIE: You gotta help me sell drugs outside of Second Window too. Gotta let the people know this is the place to go. Oh, shit, I rhymed! Gotta reward myself for that.


(Charlie takes a vial of blood labeled “virgin” out of his pocket and knocks it back)


OLIVER: …What’s the percentage?




(Oliver lets out a deep sigh)


OLIVER: (British accent) This ittying to be a tough odin, droogie


(Cut to Roy having sex with Melissa in his bed. They’re going at it, but Melissa puts her hand on Roy’s chest)


MELISSA: Hold on. Stop.


(Roy immediately stops)


ROY: What? What’s up?


MELISSA: Can you get me a glass of water?


ROY: Okay. Yeah, sure.


MELISSA: We can keep going after, I just- I’m thirsty.


ROY: Gotcha.


(Roy throws some jeans on and walks to the kitchen. He fills up a cup of water and heads into the hallway. Suddenly, Oliver comes in with his coat slung over his shoulder. Roy stops and looks at him)


ROY: Oh, shit.


OLIVER: Hey. (Oliver crashes onto the couch) You won’t believe the day I had.


ROY: That’s cool, man, look-


OLIVER: Guess what Charlie offered me?


ROY: Hey, man, I’m sure it’s a great story, but-


OLIVER: He wants me to help him sell drugs! He sells drugs out of the drive-thru, you know!


ROY: Agh! Don’t do that! He’s just trying to recruit you into evil! Got it? Cool-


(Roy starts to leave)


OLIVER: I thought the same thing- (Roy stops and turns back to Oliver, still antsy) but, he’s offering 25% of the profits. I get paid minimum wage, which is eleven bucks here, but still. I could use the extra money to buy a speed boat or something.


ROY: Or, you know, pay for your expenses and shit.


OLIVER: Exactly!


ROY: No! I’m not saying you should do it, don’t do it! Now, I gotta go back to-


OLIVER: I see what you’re saying- (Roy drops his head, exasperated) but he’s not selling like, heroin, it’s harmless drugs, like weed, mushrooms, ecstasy and…coke.


ROY: You know what? Yeah! You’ve convinced me, it’s totally cool, go hustle, move that product.


(Oliver jumps up)


OLIVER: Thanks, Roy! I knew you’d understand! I’ll go tell him now.


ROY: Cool, see ya.


(Roy rushes back to his room as Oliver leaves through the door. Cut to Roy rushing back into the room. She hands Melissa the cup of water, she gets a sip and then puts it back on the night stand)


MELISSA: Okay, go!


(Roy removes his pants and starts fucking again. Cut to Oliver on the phone outside)


OLIVER: Hey, Charlie, just wanted to let you know that I’m in. (Cut to Roy thrusting. Cut back to Oliver) Yeah. No, this is a hard yes. Like, I’m in. Nothing can change my mind. (Cut to Roy climaxing) I swear on my mother’s life. Not sure why you’re questioning me this hard.


(Cut to Roy falling limp off of Melissa, as they both breathe heavily)


ROY: …Oh, fuck.




(Roy gets up and puts his pants on)


ROY: I gotta go fix something.


(Roy dashes out of the room. Cut to Oliver on the phone outside)


OLIVER: Okay, so, we’ll meet before work and discusses details-


(Roy walks outside)


ROY: Oliver, call it off!


OLIVER: Hold on, Charlie. (Oliver puts the phone to his chest) What?


ROY: Don’t do it, he’s trying to make you give in to your evil side!


OLIVER: Why’d you tell me to do it, then!?


ROY: I had…second thoughts during a refractory period, just tell him!

(Oliver sighs and gets back on the phone)


OLIVER: Sorry, Charlie, I’m out. This is a hard “no”. Goodbye.


(Oliver hangs up. Cut to Charlie standing over a victim drained of blood in a public park. He spits blood out of his mouth like a spit-take)


CHARLIE: The fuck, dude?! Way to blue-ball me! (Charlie sighs) I’ll get him.


(Charlie lights a joint. Cut to Oliver, Roy and Melissa hanging out in the living room)



ROY: Yeah.


OLIVER: So then what happened?


MELISSA: Prosecutor asked him to testify against Roscoe.


OLIVER: Did you agree?


ROY: Never, man. He’s not hurting nobody.


OLIVER: What about the scared white women who walk into Walgreens?


ROY: I’m just not going to do him like that. I already sort of screwed him over when I refused to let him stay here.


OLIVER: He asked you that?!


ROY: Yeah.


OLIVER: Dude, I was not gonna invite a random crackhead to stay with us!


ROY: Yeah. Well. He doesn’t need to be invited.


(Roy and Oliver share a ten-second stare. Melissa furrows her brow)


MELISSA: …What is going on?


ROY: Nothing.


(Cut to Kelly lighting candles in her dorm room while Rachel paints her toes on her bed. Kelly puts a book in the middle)


RACHEL: You can’t light candles in the dorms, Kelly.


KELLY: You and your boyfriend smoke weed in the bathroom!


RACHEL: Yeah, well, we cover it up with scented candles!


(Kelly throws up her hands)


KELLY: …Do you think that reinforces your point?!


RACHEL: Put it out, you must’ve got puke-scented candles.


(Kelly sighs and blows the candles out)


KELLY: No, that’s just your boyfriend who’s been puking since 10 this morning.


QUENTIN: (OS) I’ll be out in a second.


RACHEL: Take your time, babe. He went too hard last night.


KELLY: I know!


(There’s a knock at the door)


RACHEL: I just can’t keep the boys away, it seems. (Rachel walks up to the door and looks through the peephole. It’s Oliver) Oh. It’s just Oliver.


(Kelly gets on her feet as Rachel heads back to her bed)


KELLY: Oh! (Kelly opens the door to see Oliver) Holy shit, hey Oliver! I wasn’t expecting you!


OLIVER: Yeah, I was just in the neighborhood, selling essays to freshman, so I thought I’d drop by and surprise you.


(Kelly laughs)


KELLY: Of course, I’ve heard that’s lucrative.


(Oliver nods and Kelly smiles at him)


OLIVER: So, can I come in?


(Kelly chuckles)


KELLY: Nope! Get the hell outta here, Oliver!

(Kelly laughs. Oliver chuckles nervously)


OLIVER: …So, yeah, can I come in?


KELLY: Yes! Get in here! (Oliver breathes a sigh of relief and walks in. Kelly shuts the door) What were you wanting to do?


OLIVER: I don’t know, I thought maybe we could get lunch. Like, a friendly lunch. As friends.




KELLY: Cool-


OLIVER: And maybe you could drive and I could hide in the back seat under a blanket, as a, as a joke.


(Kelly furrows her brow)


KELLY: Right. That sounds awesome. I just need to take a shower real quick, I’m gross.


RACHEL: She really is. She only showers every two or three days.


KELLY: Okay. That’s enough from you. (Kelly opens the door to the bathroom and finds Quentin hunched over the toilet) And from you!


(Kelly throws Quentin out and shuts the door)


QUENTIN: Ugh. (Quentin looks up at Oliver) You eyein’ my girl?


OLIVER: …No. (Quentin grabs a trash can and vomits into it. The shower starts in the next room and Oliver sits on Kelly’s desk chair) Nice place.


RACHEL: She’s obsessed with you, ya know.


OLIVER: You seem like a good friend.


RACHEL: She’s literally doing a psych evaluation of you for her psychology of white men class.


(Oliver furrows his brow)


OLIVER: Wait. What?


RACHEL: Yeah. Have you noticed her taking notes on her phone?


OLIVER: Yeah, but I thought it was-


RACHEL: All for the class. (Oliver looks down, in deep thought. Quentin vomits some more) …Do you want to make out?




(Cut to Oliver and Kelly sitting across from each other in a diner. Oliver is wearing a zipped-all-the-way-up grey hoodie, gloves and a cold weather face mask on the table. They both have hot coffees at their side and Oliver looks pissed)


KELLY: …So you’re really sensitive to the cold, huh?


OLIVER: …Yeah.


KELLY: I mean, I guess I understand, but it’s not even freezing, it’s like forty degrees. And sunny.


OLIVER: Well, I have a condition.


KELLY: Okay. It’s just that all the stores thought you were going to rob them.


OLIVER: Well. Maybe this’ll be good fodder for your psychological evaluation.


KELLY: I mean, I was planning on including it- wait. (Kelly sits up) How did you know about that?!


OLIVER: You shouldn’t trust your roommate with secrets.


KELLY: Ugh. Christ. She’s the worst. Why is it a rule that you have to try to be friends with your dorm mate?


OLIVER: Don’t change the subject. If you wanted to do this, why didn’t you just ask?


KELLY: I don’t know, it’s weird! You’re not exactly the most open person on the planet.


OLIVER: I was pretty open yesterday!


KELLY: Yeah, but you were…


OLIVER: I was what?


KELLY: See? This is what I’m talking about, it’s hard to get to know you! I can never decide whether you like me or not.


OLIVER: We’re at a friendly lunch right now!

KELLY: Yeah! See? Right there! “Friendly”! You think I didn’t catch that!?


OLIVER: What’s not friendly about it?!


KELLY: For one, you’re yelling at me right now!


OLIVER: You don’t get to be mad at me, you deceived me! I thought your offer to hang out was genuine!

KELLY: IT WAS! I enjoyed hanging out with you and I want to keep doing it! I just wanted to kill two birds with one stone. Get to know you and complete this assignment. And, maybe other things…


OLIVER: What does that mean?


KELLY: Oliver, I don’t know if I’ve made it obvious enough, but I like you.


OLIVER: Well. I like you, too, but trust me, you don’t want to crack this cadaver.


KELLY: Cadaver?


OLIVER: Nut! I said!

KELLY: No, you didn’t, look, I’m sorry I deceived you, I really am. Let me make it up to you.


(Oliver scoots out of the seat and stands up)


OLIVER: I’m not hungry anymore. (Oliver grabs his mask) You want to know the real Oliver Shine? I’m gonna go to work in a few hours and sell cocaine to at the drive-thru. I tell myself I won’t, but I probably will. Put that in your fuckin’ report. (Oliver walks toward the door, as Kelly hangs her head. Oliver quickly walks back over) Don’t put my name on it, though, I can’t afford-


KELLY: Yeah, it’s anonymous! Jesus!


OLIVER: Okay, cool. (Oliver heads back toward the door. Cut to Oliver at the drive-thru window, handing a bag of Second Window food to Professor Bosworth) Enjoy, Professor.




(Professor Bosworth drives off)


OLIVER: For what?! (Colton pulls up in his 2019 Lexus with Naomi in the passenger seat. Oliver freezes) Holy shit.


NAOMI: Oh, no.




NAOMI: This is- um.


(Colton looks at Oliver)


COLTON: Oh, this is him? Okay. Hey, what’s up man?


(Colton extends his fist)


OLIVER: You didn’t pay.


COLTON: Yeah, we did, at the last window!

OLIVER: We charge a fee, for, people with cars this fucking nice. Most people have student loans, you know?

NAOMI: Oliver, don’t be a dick.


OLIVER: Naomi, stay out of this! This is a dick-measuring contest between your boyfriend and I, alright?

NAOMI: How do you even know he’s my boyfriend?


COLTON: Probably just the perfect vibes we have with each other.


NAOMI: True.


(Oliver grabs the Second Window bag and drops it into Colton’s lap)


OLIVER: There you go. Hope this clogs your arteries. Also, Colton, your stand-up fucking sucks.


NAOMI: Jesus Christ.


COLTON: Alright, man, I think we’re gonna go.




(Colton drives off. Oliver turns to Charlie)


CHARLIE: That’s right, Padawan, let the hate flow through you.


OLIVER: Did you see that preppy fuck? And his stupid fuckin’ pony tail?!


CHARLIE: I did. Does this community really deserve to be safe and clean if people like that are getting your ex, dude?


OLIVER: Hell no, it doesn’t! I can afford a Lexus too if I just stop being a pussy and make that cash, like the rappers say!


CHARLIE: Wow, that was way too easy.


OLIVER: I’M IN! (Charlie shakes Oliver’s hand. “Red Right Hand” by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds begins playing as we see numerous clips of Oliver throwing bags of weed, coke and pills into Second Window bags and handing them to people like Sheffield, David, Rachel & Quentin, Victoria and Tricia, through the drive-thru window. Cut to clips of Charlie continually handing Oliver a cut of the money. As the song fades out, cut to Oliver walking out back to make a call) Hey, Roland, I know you don’t smoke much, but if you wanna score some bud, Second Window’s the place to be. Just say you want “extra ketchup”. (Beat) If you actually want extra ketchup? We don’t have ketchup, it’s very pedestrian.


(Charlie comes out of Second Window holding what looks like a body bag)


CHARLIE: Hey- (Charlie dumps the bag into the dumpster) Ryan went home sick, you gotta get back in there.


OLIVER: I’m on break!

CHARLIE: I don’t have a choice, dude, Robert’s orders!

(Oliver sighs)


OLIVER: I’ll talk to you later, Roland. Alright.


(Oliver goes inside with Charlie. Oliver heads to the window and a car full of sixteen-year olds pulls up. Oliver’s eyes widen as the shaggy-haired teens, some with braces, look at him excitedly)


TEEN: You have what we want, cuck?


(Oliver grabs two bags of food and looks inside. They contain food and baggies of pills. He looks back at the teens)


OLIVER: …What’d you guys get again?


TEEN: The Frances Hamburgers, you retart.


(The teens cackle and laugh. Oliver looks in the bags)


OLIVER: Looks like that’s it. Guess I’m doing this now.


(Oliver hands the bags to the teens. They speed off as Charlie comes up from behind and puts his hands on Oliver’s shoulders)


CHARLIE: That took guts.


OLIVER: Please stop Bidening me.


(Charlie takes his hands off)


CHARLIE: My bad.


(Oliver turns to Charlie)


OLIVER: Those were kids, man.


CHARLIE: Hey, dude, if they don’t get it from us, they’re just gonna get it from some other movie-themed fast food joint run by vampires.


OLIVER: You run this place?

CHARLIE: Absolutely, Robert’s a figurehead.


(Robert walks over)


ROBERT: Hey, I’m gonna make myself employee of the month again, is that alright?


CHARLIE: Totally, dude.


OLIVER: You deserve it.


ROBERT: Thanks, guys. You are the real MVPs.


(Robert fist bumps the two of them and walks away)


CHARLIE: See? Keeps him happy.


OLIVER: I just don’t feel right about what just happened.


CHARLIE: You have to understand, man, age is a construct! I’m twenty-six, but I don’t look a day over twenty-five.


OLIVER: Because you died when you were twenty-five!

CHARLIE: Still, man, people do drugs! And if you’re gonna be in this business, you can’t discriminate. That’s illegal or some shit. (Oliver sighs) Face what you are, Shine. What your feeling isn’t conscience. You don’t have one. It’s the fear of what people will think. Let that go. I’m gonna take a long break.


(Charlie pats Oliver on the shoulder and walks away. Cut to Roy and Melissa sitting in on another court case. A lawyer is examining a man in a neck brace on the stand)


LAWYER: Mr. Dolby, could you read this official legal document from front to back for the court, please?


(Mr. Dolby picks up the legal document and puts it in front of his eyes)


MR. DOLBY: Frank Lloyd Dolby, Plaintiff, VS. Theodore R. Sadler, Defendant. Case number 1706-1250B. Stated. The Plaintiff alleges damages in the amount of $50,000 dollars due to injuries incurred through the reckless actions of Theodore Sadler, hereafter referred to as defendant, during the early morning hours of November 27th, 2018.


ROY: Oh, God.


MELISSA: This is gonna be the dullest thing possible.


ROY: Do you want to make out instead?


MELISSA: I mean…don’t we need to take notes?


ROY: I have ears, I’ll get the gist.


(Roy and Melissa begin making out. The defense lawyer stands up)


DEFENSE LAWYER: Your honor, I object to the behavior displayed in the gallery.


JUDGE MONROE: Overruled. Gives me something to look at while this dillweed reads the lawsuit.


(Defense lawyer throws up her hands and sits down as Roy and Melissa continue to make out. Cut to Roy and Melissa leaving the courthouse, holding hands, and walking down the courthouse steps at night. Roscoe walks out of the courthouse with his lawyers and spots Roy and Melissa walking towards the parking lot. Roscoe takes out his phone and sends a quick text to Charlie- “Melissa’s on the move”. Cut to Charlie sitting on a bench outside the courthouse. He looks up and sees Roy and Melissa getting in their car. He springs into action, jumping into his shitty 2007 Camry and following them. Cut to Roy driving Melissa. NPR is on again)


NPR: It’s WBEZ Chicago, and we officially have a projection in the Mayor’s race in Chicago. Lori Lightfoot has absolutely trounced Toni Preckwinkle in this race- projections have it where Preckwinkle even lost her own ward. Mayor-elect Lightfoot will take office in May as the first black woman Mayor of Chicago and the first openly gay Mayor of Chicago.


MELISSA: There was an election today?


ROY: Yeah, you didn’t vote?


MELISSA: No, I thought that was a month ago.


ROY: No, there was a run-off. Remember, two people advanced last time?


MELISSA: I just thought they got to both be Mayor. Or they had to marry or something.


ROY: Well. I voted for Lightfoot. I was gonna vote for Toni, but nobody seemed to be doing that. (Roy pulls up to Melissa’s dorm. Roy kisses Melissa) You really gotta go?


MELISSA: Yeah. I gotta type up the paper on the court case we just half-listened to.


ROY: A’ight. Just make up shit to fill in the blanks if you need to.


(Roy kisses Melissa again and Melissa gets out of the car. Roy drives away. Charlie slowly pulls up as she swipes her card in the card reader to enter the dorm. Her card isn’t working, so she tries a few times. Charlie gets out of the car)


CHARLIE: You need help?


(Melissa turns to Charlie)


MELISSA: Uh, no, it’s just stubborn sometimes.


CHARLIE: Let me see it.


(Melissa reaches in her purse and grips her pepper spray)


MELISSA: No, it’s really fine.


(Charlie approaches)


CHARLIE: You know what helps with stress? (Charlie’s face goes vamp) Sucking out toxins.


(Melissa screams and Charlie covers her mouth and prepares to bite her neck. But before he can do that, Charlie gets hit in the head with garlic, and it knocks him down. Roy runs over as Melissa ducks down. Roy jumps on Charlie, wielding a stake)


ROY: I’m gonna get you fired, you dumb motherfucker-


(Roy is about to plunge the stake into Charlie’s heart, but Charlie grabs his wrist)


CHARLIE: Why the hell do you have a stake?!






(Charlie pushes Roy off of him. Roy hits a column hard. He stands up and points the stake at Charlie)


ROY: Don’t come closer.


(Charlie gets up)


CHARLIE: You don’t know Oliver at all. You know what he did today?


ROY: Melissa, just run inside.




CHARLIE: He changed his mind about the drugs. And now he’s slingin’ them to teens! Squeaky-voiced, sexually frustrated teens. Maybe he relates with them, I don’t know.


ROY: Shut up, you’re lying!

CHARLIE: You know I’m not. And that’s what scares the shit out of you. Peace out.


(Charlie flashes the peace sign and runs away. Melissa sinks to the ground as Roy goes over and comforts her)


MELISSA: What the fuck just happened.


ROY: I’ve got some…things to explain.


MELISSA: Are there seedy YouTube channels that can explain it to me?


ROY: …Yes, actually.


(Cut to Oliver at the window, looking bored and despondent. Colton pulls up to the window, this time alone)


COLTON: Oh, dang, you’re still working.




COLTON: I love the Milkshakes here. Why isn’t there a film pun there, by the way?


OLIVER: “Milk” was a movie, okay?! Harvey Milk!? It was nominated for Best Picture!  (Oliver hands Colton the Milkshake, with a picture of Sean Penn’s Harvey Milk on it) Now get the fuck out of here.


COLTON: Alright, dude, but just a word of advice. The best way to move on is to find someone new. I got out of a relationship two months ago. That’s why I started dating Naomi.


OLIVER: Well. Just know that she’ll get bored of you, too. (Beat) I hope that Milkshake gives you the runs. How’s that for moving on?


COLTON: It’s, not. Just- if you ever want lessons on how to grow up, feel free to drop by my place, asshole.


(Colton drives away. Oliver looks at his phone. It’s 11pm. He takes off his uniform)


OLIVER: (Muttering) Sounds like an invitation to me. (Shouting) Robert, I’m clocking out!

(Pan to Robert, who’s playing on his phone)


ROBERT: Cool, hey have you seen Ryan anywhere?


(Oliver leaves out the front door. Cut to Oliver driving at a distance behind Colton. “Wire Frame Mattress” by Wytches is playing faintly on his stereo. Cut to Colton entering his apartment. Oliver gets out of his car and goes up to Colton’s first floor apartment. He peers through the window to see Colton getting a towel on and heading into the bathroom. Oliver discreetly opens the door and slowly closes it behind him. Oliver’s face goes vamp. He tip-toes over to a broom closet and jumps inside. He looks through the slats as Naomi enters. Oliver’s face loses its vamp quality)


OLIVER: (Whispered) Shit.


NAOMI: HEY COLTON? HE WASN’T AT THE WINDOW, RIGHT?! (Beat) Oh, he’s in the shower. (Naomi relaxes and sits on the couch. She kicks her shoes off and turns on the TV) Nuggets and Warriors are playing, right?


(Colton comes out in a towel)


COLTON: Wow, you’re not even checking my channel for uploads and polls.


(Naomi giggles and stands up)


NAOMI: I got the man right here, why would I need to do that?


(Naomi kisses Colton as he embraces her)




NAOMI: You’re wet.


(Colton nods)


COLTON: I’ll get dressed.


(Colton kisses Naomi on the head and walks back to his room. Naomi continues watching basketball. Colton soon comes back wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. He sits next to her and puts his arm around her. Naomi puts her head into Colton’s chest)


NAOMI: Hmmm. You’re so warm.


(The bitterness in Oliver’s face subsides a bit)


COLTON: Thank you. You are too.


NAOMI: Was he at the window?




NAOMI: Was he a shit?


COLTON: Only a little.


NAOMI: That’s, progress, at least. He’s not a bad guy, he’s just…got problems.




(Oliver drops the bitterness altogether. Naomi puts her head on Colton’s lap)


NAOMI: Oh shit. I’ve awakened her from her slumber.


(Colton smiles)


COLTON: It’s too late, now she wants it.


(Naomi giggles and the two head to Colton’s bedroom. Oliver hears the door closed. Oliver sneaks out the closet and stares at the door to the room they’ve just entered. Oliver’s face goes vamp as he stares at it. His fists clench. But then, he stares at the Milkshake on the nook table. His face reverses from its vamp form, and he instead grabs a stray pube from his crotch, opens the Milkshake, and places it inside. He stirs up the Milkshake before leaving altogether. Cut to Roy sitting on the couch in the apartment, scrolling through YouTube on his smart TV. Oliver walks in)


ROY: Hey.




ROY: Stayed away from selling drugs today, right?


OLIVER: Yep. I’m tired, gonna go to bed, though. (Oliver walks into his room, as Roy stares after him, distrustfully. He shakes his head and continues scrolling. Cut to Oliver tying a rope to his ceiling fan and stepping up on to a chair. He kicks the chair out from underneath him, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating as he swings there for about half a minute) Ugh. It’s not the same.


(Oliver jumps down from the noose and climbs into bed. Cut to Kelly sobbing at her desk. Rachel and Quentin come in with Second Window bags. They see her sobbing and quietly sneak over to Rachel’s bunk bed. Kelly stands up and points at Rachel)



(Kelly storms out. Rachel is stunned. Cut to black)



Submitted: April 08, 2019

© Copyright 2021 NEONETWORK. All rights reserved.

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