“FAULKNER AND BRUCE”
BROUGHT TO YOU BY JACK DANIELS
(We start with Faulkner and Janie at their wedding. The priest is between them, and it is an outdoor wedding. Faulkner is in a black tuxedo, and Janie is in a white dress, and Bruce is Faulkner’s
PRIEST: Do you, Janice Pierson, take this, M. Faulkner, to be your lawfully wedded husband, through sickness and health, ti’ll death do you part, which is probably pretty soon?
JANIE: I do.
PRIEST: And do you, M. Faulkner, take this, Janice Pierson, to be your lawfully wedded wife, through sickness and health, ti’ll death do you part, which is probably even sooner than her?
FAULKNER: I do.
PRIEST: May you kiss the bride.
(They both kiss while people clap. Cut to the reception. Faulkner, Bruce, Bruce’s wife and Janie are talking in the ball room.)
BRUCE: Well I am very happy for you two. So it was just a snap decision?
FAULKNER: Yep. Just like you and Nikki.
BRUCE: Uh, Nikki and I married after dating for three years.
FAULKNER: Right, right. So Janie and I are going to have a happy life together.
NIKKI: I don’t doubt it. Congratulations, you two.
JANIE: Thank you.
FAULKNER: So we should get up to our room.
BRUCE: But it’s only 7 pm.
FAULKNER: Yeah, but I don’t want to stay up to late, got to go to work tomorrow.
BRUCE: No you don’t, Kessler gave you a week off for honeymoon.
FAULKNER: A week what?
FAULKNER: Really? Damn, I haven’t gotten a week off since 1986. Alright, awesome. Where do you want to go, honey?
JANIE: Martha’s Vineyard?
BRUCE: Perfection! You two enjoy it. Unless of course, you are pussies.
(The director walks on.)
DIRECTOR: Hi, it’s me, the director of Faulkner and Bruce. Apparently, NEO Network is cleaning house. Faulkner and Bruce is cancelled.
FAULKNER: God damnit…
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