(Odysseus, M. Faulkner, Airstar Flyer, Sean Byrne and Jerry Laertes all surround a Christmas tree.)
ODYSSEUS: Hello, one and all. I am Odysseus from the hit NEO Network Reality Show, “The Real World: Ithaca”.
FAULKNER: And I am M. Faulkner from the hit NEO Network sitcom “Faulkner and Bruce”.
AIRSTAR: And I happen to be Airstar from the hit, because everything on this network is a hit regardless of the actual response to it, animated show “Airstar Flyer”.
JERRY: And I am Jerry Laertes from the hit NEO drama for which I am the namesake.
SEAN BYRNE: And I am the host of CUPS News, the hit NEO Network news program. And we are here to wish you a happy, healthy, hunky, chunky, f**ky, clunky, funky Christmas, Kwanzaa or Hannukah.
ODYSSEUS; Yes, and according to my producer Terry Kate, Christmas celebrates the birth of, “Jesus Christ”. Am I pronouncing that right? Yeah, he’s before my time.
JERRY: Christmas is little more than a semi-religious holiday exploited by the greedy fat cats on Madison Avenue to spread the rampant commercialism that grips this nation and-
FAULKNER: SHUT UP. So remember, never fall drunk into a tree.
AIRSTAR: Like you did at the Christmas party?
ODYSSEUS: Oh, boing!
SEAN BYRNE: EVERYBODY SHUT UP! So remember, have a Happy Holiday. And keep reading the scripts. I mean, watching the shows.
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