Before bed ramble

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
I'll just say that those are my worries and thoughts in their most rough state.I know I'm not that good with words and I want to apologize that I'm not a native English speaker,but this is something that was in my heart,something I can't share with anyone and didn't think i would either.

Submitted: November 25, 2011

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Submitted: November 25, 2011

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I was thinking today,that maybe I should try tomorrow and it hit me.That was my solution foreverything.Postponing things in time in hope I wouldn't have to deal with them.Maybe I'm tired too tired,for i don't feel the drive the desire to continue on progressing.For I have been diformed by life itself,and I don't have the desire to give back to it.Maybe I'm spoiled for saying so but I hate money,which is my dilema,for we all know that we can't live without the currency in this world.I do realize the consequences of removing such thing,but well i will never have the power to do so.And rightfully so,because even though i know the catastrophycal events that will follow,i think i would've done it.And you may ask.What do u hold for money and what aspect of it do you hate?That you don't have it?Truth is that.I don't have it,and it would be a lie to say that i don't want to have more of it,but if i could explain it to  you all.It's the selfhate i feel for having those desires that keeps me at night.Money...values of the objects is what they say it is,or that you cannot buy everything with money,but without?You can lose the other things aswell.And for that petty reason I'm so late at night again writing in this Notepad and laughting at myself for having  such selfpity.Thinking,hoping that there will be someone to read it and tell me how to shut down these feelings.But well if someone already did i feel that I'd be send to the house of happiness if you know what i mean.Don't get me wrong i have no desire to end this journey or so i would call it,for it amuses me to no end when i hear a religious person speak about life and the desire to go on.I have a hard time assimilating it.I have discussed this matter with people who strongly believe in God or even people for sects or with different interpretation as they call themselves,for if you call them the previous they shall start explaining how they are not the ones to missuse the bible but others for they shall burn in hell for failing to understand the deeper meaning of Gods words.So yes i agree with them in hope that i don't get stabbed at night,so what?I have no fate in the reincarnation or heaven hell underworld.I mean i wish i believed.It would've made life so much easier,I just can't find the faith in myself,or maybe I don't want to,but... to say that I need the reasos,and i have not found it yet.Yet...I say.I hope i don't become one of those hypocrates who prey to god only in need,and consider themselves religious.That sickens me for it feels like escaping from reality.Then aswell what am i doing now.This contrevercy is confusing me.Let's talk about something else,since i just realized that I've been jumping from subject to subject without saying anything important.But let's be honest neither I nor you will find an answer to religion or life or any of those mysteries of the world.Now how about I try to think of a story,and you my imaginary reader,for whom i actualy have mixed feelings,but never mind that.You shall see this story which probably won't have a point since point means ending and as you see I'm not very good at taking things to the end.Let's choose a subject.Something imaginary would be good for doesn't everyone in our time die for a good fantasy.Now our main character,he should be called M.This will save alot of space lets just call him M.Mr.M was born in a small country in the 2000 something.He was an avarage guy,abit above avarage on his lazyness but overall a pretty decent person,considering the interests of people in that generation.And I won't be explaining his childhood or what kind of a person he was yet,because that is not what i want this story to be about.I always heard from my friends that it would be cool if we can go to the future so let's do that to mr.M.And there we have it mr.M wakes up one day and it is far far in the future.Mr.M was in a chaimber for many years.Now he wakes up.Greeded by the people of that time,he was informed how fortuned he was,for living through what he did.And still sleepy he looked around,as his eyes hurt as if he was able to see for the first time in his life.He was on a bed naked as a man can be.He got up in panic  as he tried to find something to cover himself with.Looking at the personal around,who were observing him as if they've seen his naked figure a thousand times before,and maybe they have.As Mr.M calmed down they handed him some clothes or so they called them,for they were something that looked like from his father's photos when he was young.By now he had regained his eyeside and the first person he saw was this tall Man probably in his early 20s or so he tought,whos name was J.As it turns out mr.J was the one who discovered him a couple of years back,as he was looking through the samples of the species who were frozen for memorial of a nearly extinct animals.It was supposedly something of a warehouse.But anyway let's get back to the story.Mr.M was pretty shaken up that day and coudn't process anything that mr.J or any of his colleges were trying to ask or tell him.In the end they left our protagonist alone to rest.In this moment in the head of M there were million ideas.How he got himself there or why did he deserve that.And then he remembered that film he watched when he was young,of a person who was kept in a laboratory his whole life just so he can be tested on.M paniced,he got up fast and tried to get out,but it took him about 3-4 minutes to open the door,but not because it was locked.The technology was simply too advanced for his definition of normal to assume such a complex yet easy answer.He got out of the building with ease,considering there were no guards or anyone around.And as he got out,he stopped he looked around.There was this same scenary same view.There were the trees and the stars of the night.He walked for a while and there it was.A town or so he though,there were the lights,the people as they always were,but they seemed different.They were happier,more content or so he though.For he didn't know yet that they were in fact more aimless and purposeless then even he was.As in this moment afraid that he will spend the rest of his life in this prison of science,he fled from all the people in this time that knew who he was.He soon enough learned though,that he coudn't spend his whole life there.Humanity had overcome their mortality.As he learned that by trying to integrate himself in this city,which wasn't as hard as u think.He just tried to.If he screwed up he just left to another place.There were no ties bounding him there,or relatives he would've left behind or any material things that he needed to take with him.Mr.M was free or so he though.It was great he believed was this immortality,there was no need war and conflict.People had all the time in the world,no need for the desire to see everything,or the greed to have everything in their lifetime.For theirs it was infinity.But was it really what he thought.Or were people copies of myself believing to have all the time in the world to postpone everything they had to do?Now you may ask.Why don't you continue this story.Or you are glad that it did end.Now ask yourselves those same questions that i do.Were those people happier?Did they accomplish more in their life?For don't believe it could be said,because there needs to be an end to something in order to examine its value.And here my little bed story ends,and I just hope you are not like me realizing that you go to bed with more questions then you woke up.
 


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