I wake up around noon in my white hotel room. Today, I feel really bad. What's the problem, well the problem is that the person I loved, the one person who I fell in love a few years ago who told
me she loved me back, who I secretly married who was pregnant with our child, she's no longer here. Long story short she never made it out of the delivery room and I lost both her and our son. This
was pretty recent actually, how do I feel you ask, well how the **** do you think I feel, pretty damn terrible.
Anyway, I get changed, into some brown baggy jogging pants with a large t shirt along with my long brown hooded robe I started wearing. I sometimes look like a Jedi from the star wars movies though my hood is a lot larger, expands to my shoulders and you can only see my mouth. I grab a pair of flip flops and head down the hall, hop on an elevator and arrive on the hotel bottom floor. As I head toward the lobby I pass by one of the people at the counter, a man who tells you where the rooms are. "Good afternoon, Master Oneil", I hear him say to me. "Hey, good afternoon", I speak back being polite, even though I still feel like mess. "Master, you know...we all here feel your lost and we're all sorry that you are going through this tough time", he says remorsefully. "It's alright", I say not wanting him to worry, course he probably just said that just to make me feel better but you know I didn't want to be rude, after all people do call me 'the good gentleman' now. "I'll be heading out for awhile", I say to the guy, "please tell me if anyone calls or leaves any messages". "Yes, master", he says optimistically.
I am here in New York City for a few days. I have some special business that I need to take care of so I just decided to stay for about three/four days. So I decide to take a walk around a few city blocks. I want to clear my head of things so I go around and look at a few places around the city. I remember around two days ago I payed a visit to the 9/11 fountain monument, which I though was a nice exhibit, so beautiful, well I like city fountains anyway but of course this one was special. Anyway, today I spend time going around central park, I bring along a small group of my personal bodyguards so I won't...you know...get too disturbed, though it seems that I'm the one making a scene it seems with all these people following me. Central park is beautiful, I mean I spot people painting, children playing, couples being together on the bridges, people riding bikes together. I see mimes making tales out of themselves, vendors selling hotdogs, it's a clear beautiful day today, so nice. I look to the sky (I can't help but wonder if she and he can see me from down here).
So it's pretty late, around seven. The sun's going down and the sky's glowing pale orange with darkness in the distance. I arrive back at the hotel and go through the lobby. I go back to the person at the counter who looks up noticing me. "Good evening, master", he says. "Hello", I say enthusiastically, "anyone call for me, any news". "Yes sir", he says, "there was a woman who came by an hour ago looking for you". "A woman", I ask curiously. "Yes sir", he responds, "it was a very small woman, about four feet and maybe four/five inches, she had long black hair and was wearing a black dress asking for you". "Hmm, I see", I say, "did she say she was coming back". "Yes, I told her that you'd be back in a little while. She told me that she would come back around an hour", he says. "Good, very good son", I say.
Waiting for this woman, I decide to wait for her at the lobby. I go to where the fancy lamps and couches and big soft chairs are and have a seat. The lighting for this area is very beautiful as the red glow creates a twilight effect, I love it. I find a reader's digest book on the counter and look through it. "Would you like something, master. A drink or something to eat", ask one of my personal assistance. "No, thanks", I respond still looking through the book. Around an hour later I hear someone coming and look up to see who it is. It's a short woman, four feet tall and a few inches she's pretty tiny. She does have long black hair, a black dress and black heels. I wonder if this is the woman that the person at the counter mentioned which I'm pretty sure she is. The left half of her face is hidden with her hair. After seeing her face I know exactly who this woman is.
"Hey sis", I say to her as she comes to me. "Hey Staff, I came here looking for you and what do I not find, YOU!", she says sarcastically. Oh, I'll tell you a little about her. This tiny woman is my little sister, Rin. You see Rin is obviously very short and she does sort of look like a little kid. However she's in her late twenties, in fact she's only four years younger then me. Let me tell you this real quick also, you know what this girl use to do in her early twenties, back then when she went to a movie she would by the child's tickets lying about her age and because of the way she looks she actually got away with that mess, use to piss me off, she was too cheap to pay a full price so she bought the child's tickets. Then when there was an R rated movie she would make me come and say I was her dad (that's right even though I'm only four years older) and she'd do the same thing, she'd get the discount while I had to pay for an adult ticket. Oh and on a side note, we don't have the same last name anymore, I changed mine years ago (long story).
"Well, I'm here now",
"Where did you go",
"Just around the block",
"Remember I was coming today",
"Oh yeah, you did say you was going to stop by, didn't you",
"So how do you feel",
"Terrible, could barely function. I do all I can to take my mind off stuff but I just can't".
She walks behind me and wraps her arms around me holding me, "I know it's rough. And it's going to be rough for awhile. You know something, me, J and Rochelle are around for a reason, you need to stop by and see us more, we barely get to see you nowadays, you need to come by and see your family more often". "I know that", I say to her, "it's just...my work lately. I'm doing a lot more now then I did a few years ago". "Staff, come see us", she says.
A minute later me and Rin head for the revolving doors out the hotel. "Shall we, my dear", I say to her. "We shall", she says with a smile. Me and Rin go outside past the revolving doors and on the sidewalk where we grab a taxi. My personal guards don't accompany us inside the taxi, though some tail us in their own security car, it would just feel more normal if we rode in a taxi like normal folks just this once. We head to a night club, more of my personal bodyguards await us, helping Rin and me out the taxi. "All the preparations are in order, master", one of the bodyguards tells me. "Excellent", I replied. "See, look at that. You are so popular now, people call you master now. Course I know you earned that title, but still it makes it seem like your too good to see us anymore back at home", Rin tells me. "You know that's not true, Rin", I tell her, "I just been busy as I told you". "Mm Hm", she responds.
Me and Rin head into the club together. It's more of a lounge club, a place to relax and enjoy your stay, not one of those extreme nightclubs like you would see on Jersey Shore, speaking of which you know Rin sort of reminds me of Snooki a bit, short, tanned skin, long black hair. Anyway, me and Rin step inside and sit at one of the long curved bench-like seats. The room is large, dark but has blue lights and small lit candles on the tables. There's not many people inside, as I rented out most of the club tonight for just me and Rin though I allow a few people to step in. There's a woman in a blue dress singing on top of a piano who I get mesmerized by, not attracted to her, but just the surreal atmosphere kind of got to me. Rin orders a glass of wine, I just order orange juice (that's right, alcohol isn't my thing). I look around tapping the table. The woman later takes a break and goes back stage.
"Hey, why don't you go up there",
"What, go up there",
"Yes you always wanted to be a singer. I know you've been singing small time, don't you want to get up there".
"I'm an R&B singer, Staff, I don't do clubs like this,I mean, I always wanted to...".
"Well here's your chance, come on, go, there's not that many people here".
"Fine, I'll go. But you introduce me",
"That's right, I'll only go up there if you introduce me",
"Darn it, Rin! Alright, whatever. know what your going to sing",
"Yeah, I guess".
Me and Rin get up and move back to the side of the club making our way to the stage. People speak to one another backstage and such making adjustments. They speak to the guy on the piano and the jazz band that's playing telling them stuff about what music they have to play. I make my way on stage and greet the few people around. I then turn to the small crowd and speak to everyone present.
"Good evening", I say to them, "I never done this before so I'll make this short. My name is Staff and I'd like to introduce you to my sister, Rin. She'll be singing a song for you tonight, she doesn't sing at places like this too often so don't pressure her to much. So here she is, my sister, Rin".
The small crowd claps as Rin steps on stage smiling holding her hands together. I step away and let her take the microphone. I step backstage as she speaks. "Hey everyone", she says, "I guess I'll be singing 'This Bitter Earth', not the one by Dinah Washington, but the Deborah Cox version". So the lights get adjusted and the jazz band starts playing. I step back and watch. Rin begins to sing. She sings the first words "...this bitter earth", and does nothing but get better. It's such a deep song and I can't believe such a short tiny little woman can sing like that, guess in a way big things do come in small packages. She pretty much sings her heart out and by the time she was finished the small crowd are more then pleases roaring in applause. Afterwards I come back out on stage, me and Rin hug one another.
Some time later, me and Rin go around the city block at night, yes this time we're accompanied by my protection team (in a large city like this no telling who could rob you and such, gotta be careful). We go to a flower shop, which surprised me as you wouldn't expect a flower shop to be in a large city. I buy Rin some red flowers wrapped up. "Thank you kindly", she tells me as I hand them to her. We spend time walking around. "Take that hood off", she tells me. "Let me see the left side of your face", I tell her.
"You know I can't do that, especially here",
"There aren't too many people around to see what your hiding, besides you know it doesn't bother me, in fact I like that mark on you, you know I always thought it was beautiful",
"I know you do, but other people don't",
"Alright, you don't have to", I tell her, "but that's nothing to be ashamed of".
I wrap my arm around her and she leans her head on me. We go back to the hotel together with my entourage of bodyguards. "That will be all for tonight", I tell them. "Yes, master", one guard says to me. I dismiss them and me and Rin head upstairs. She decided to get a room of her own though I offered her to share with me. She was like "I need my own space" and all of that, and I'm just like "whatever" (yeah, we still do the teenage talk every once in a while). Anyway, me and Rin head up by elevator and I escort her to her room. "I'll see you later", she says to me. "Alright, night", I say. "Night", she speaks back. We kiss each other on the cheek and I head back down slowly to my room down the hall which i reflect on the day.
As I head on all I can seem to think of is "I wish you were here. Why did you have to leave me alone". Oh excuse me, you probably don't feel like hearing me rant, do you? I just can't seem to stop thinking of her, I miss her so much. All I can think of is her, and our son that we never got to raise together. As I get to my room I lean against the wall beside it. I don't realize it at the time but I sink to the floor and just chill for a while thinking of them. The woman I loved, our child. I know they wouldn't want me to feel this way, but it's not like I can get over this overnight you know. I think I'm going to think about them for a while like this. I just don't want to be alone without someone beside me. "Oh well", I quietly say to myself. I eventually head back inside my room. Looking out the window. I find snacks and drinks set out for me on the counter that a chambermaid brought in while I was out earlier. "I'll get that tomorrow", I say to myself. I change and head for bed. I curl up in it. I imagine holding the pillow, is like holding her. "Lai", I say, "Lai, goodnight".
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