'Torn'

Reads: 120  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
900 word short story

Submitted: February 06, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 06, 2012

A A A

A A A


TORN

By Yolanda A. Ng’oma

C:\\Users\\VERACH~1\\AppData\\Local\\Tem

He was angry; I could tell by the way his nostrils were flaring as he took in each controlled breath. He stood at the corner of the room, legs crossed, and his hands in his pockets, his head averted from my face in disapproval. I wanted to console him, tell him I was sorry. I wanted to apologise as I always did but I didn’t. I was tired, exhausted by all the fighting, all the quarrelling and conflict over things that were so small, things so trivial and meaningless. I did not see the point of it all anymore. I felt on edge all the time and the anxiety of it was affecting my health, affecting my ability to think; affecting my ability to function. Everywhere I looked; I saw people who were happier than me, people who were living their lives to the fullest, and what was I doing? I was wasting mine away; eroding my zeal for life by staying with him. Things had changed drastically since we had gotten married. We had moved from the couple that worked things out to the couple that fought about everything and when I said everything; I meant every single thing. We argued about how many children we wanted and sometimes whether or not we wanted children. We argued about him working all the time and about my emotional absence. I couldn’t help but loathe him, I resented him for the way I felt, for my lack of motivation, for my lack of success and yes at times I resented him for the water being cold in the shower. He was my scapegoat for everything going wrong in my life. I looked at him as he stood there; wondering what was going on in his mind. Whether he was going to walk out of the room never to return or lash out at me for what I had done. In many ways one could say I had let him down, that I had betrayed him but no one had the right to judge me. They did not know how I felt or what I was going through. I was bored, bored with the complacency and the lack of excitement. I hated the routine, the fact that we didn’t do anything new, I hated that we had both virtually given up on everything we had once held dear. It was his fault we were in this situation; it was his fault that I had strayed, that I had found comfort in another man’s arms. It was his fault that I had cheated.

I had never considered myself as the type to seek solace in another man’s bed. I had judged and looked down upon women who had been caught in the act of infidelity. I had called them every possible name in the book and now I was one of them. It was easy to look at someone and judge them, people never took the time to look at the circumstances that had led to the situation. I loved Barry, I loved him with everything I had within me. As I looked at my husband, still standing there in silence, I knew that it was over. I had always thought that if he found out about my affair, I would be on my knees begging for a second chance but at this very moment I felt nothing. Nothing short of freedom and relief. I didn’t have to hide and sneak around. I was free to be happy and the very thought of that freedom had me absolutely elated with joy. I wanted a divorce, I wanted out of this hell hole. I knew that I could not bear another day being with him much longer, everything he did got on my last nerve. I found it hard to believe that I had once loved him, that the very sight of him had once made my heart race. I tried to pinpoint when it had all gone wrong but I couldn’t, there wasn’t any one single moment that I could point to and say that was when everything had fallen apart. The only think I knew for sure is that what was left of their relationship was toxic and it was time to let go.

“I want a divorce” I heard myself say.

He looked up at me, looking at me for the first time, the pain clear in his face and he nodded as the tears rushed to his eyes. He quickly blinked them away and stood up straight, he stared at me for a moment, his eyes piercing into my soul and then he walked away, never once looking back.

It was the end and I was completely okay with that.


© Copyright 2018 Ngoma Yolanda. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments: