Ambition is Critical

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Heres a drug that we're all addicted to

Submitted: December 19, 2012

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Submitted: December 19, 2012



We've all been there, most likely in our youth, but I'd like to think it happens to every heart that ever did beat. Just imagine, you've started a new venture in life, going solo into the unknown. Becoming something new like the birth of a star in the void - not predicting the grand finale. Then, a feeling strikes as if you've finally hit the heights of that so-called cloud nine. Its like a chemical epiphany that speaks to you, and you become enthralled out of nowhere faced with the possibility of a new ambition for that 'word' we all doubt would ever touch base. You feel it nearby and the unfamiliar evironment around it turns into a haze, expecting to become familiarity. Like the space around it is what you inadvertantly crave like forthcoming expectations are lining up to come forth and the tarnished taunts timely fade away, leaving us feeling like Long-awaited Outcomes Validates Euphoria (a feeling like no other). That self-doubt no longer casts it's shadow. It's that liberating feeling, that won't need to have experienced before to know what it is. This is attraction in its highest form and we all want it. But what happens when you both want it, but can't have it? Purely out of being victims of circumstance. Rather like being the victim of an unfaithful relationship. On the bright side, it allows you to discover new possibilities, liberated from the shackles of before. You are now free to find those old feelings of belonging once again. 

Socially everything on the surface seems to be as normal and as much in equilibrium as it ever is. Yet, the social ripples and little signs are there nonetheless. For starters, you lucky people, who may be entwined in a romantic cold war, will undoubtedly start to behave differently. Any alteration of behaviour is purely a result of the pursuit of our own personal Nirvana; careful though, it's such a highly sought-after state that it should ebraced carefully and nurtured. Like a jigsaw piece that doesn't fit, you intend to make it fit out of sheer volition and conviction. Although, these two servants of Nirvana constantly nudge us in different directions. They are artists of subtlety. They worm their way into us as we remain powerless to their whims. We smile when otherwise we wouldn't, and scrape to find time with one another. It is a drug, and we are all of us, addicted.

For now, we'll just focus on this new haze that seems to have my attentions fixed in place. Everyone else around me and my new fascination, react in turn, with not so much as a grain of sand's worth of subtlety. 'Hm', I think, 'So they can smell the chemistry a mile away it seems'. Unless you take a more 'under the radar' approach, never forgetting your aim almost like consciously avoiding awkward moments to earn the rights to play it cool when you need to.  My new addiction need not be hidden away from all around me, despite how it would have been nice to keep a veil over it. If anything, it boosts my high a little and conjures up a whole new set of scenarios for me to wrestle with in my mind. In there, amongst crackling synapses, is an arena of constant debate. Next to it is another arena, debating the debates and questioning their validity. It doesn't matter how much I try to settle the quarrel, the raging thoughts will always win and maintain their place in my mind, cockily reminding me that I am just another human being. Not to worry though, this haze seems to be rubbing off on me; it seems to be growing stronger and genrates nothing but smiles and laughter in the people who get a taste of it. I could spend the rest of my days on this high and happily spread it from person to person, from nation to nation. I dare say Bob Marely felt the same way. The people who surround this floaty experience are oh so important to it.

Like a drug that makes you paranoid or overly sensitive to your surroundings; the instict that says 'woah look out'. Its that same constant reminder! It speaks to you every day, the reactions of other people to you, and your chemistry with your newfound fascination. You interact with this thing that makes you feel at ease with effortless form, all the while just noticing the 'others'. What do they say off in the distance? What do they know already that perhaps you don't? How are they looking over and what could be read in their eyes if we could learn their thoughts? While all these microcosms create the environment that you have to live with alongside your new addiction, they also fuel your ambitions. The constant Sherlock Holmes in all of us wants to take it all in, incase they leak any information to help boost this potentially amazing experience. If you're reading this, be warned it is an emotional rollercoaster. If it were bottled up the creators would have a status that couldn't be exceeded.

This is all coming across as a chemical experience that you should enjoy with total liberty. Alas it is not mine and like I said at the start, I am still expecting it to become familiar; as opposed to knowing it as familiar. This expectation will drive anybody's subconscious to cling on. We enjoy toying and chasing with the expectation that the climax will be reached. Its when we sleep that we realise how it has truly snuck into our lives, like a late husband will sneak under the sheets next his sleeping wife. We have a dream that is just as bizzare and blurry as any other dream. Like the gut feeling we have whilst awake, that feeling is stood right there, out of context in the middle of the dream. We didn't ask it to be there, yet it persists in our minds even when switched off. Remembering all the while that some dreams become reality. We all know this, and it's why we let it in to perpetuate the feeling we all enjoy.

The haze, the fascination, the chemical rush we all want and need as you may have guessed by now, is romance. Its the pursuit of the one. We are pushed to keep going the whole time, by some entity that tells us we need it like a drug.. After all these thoughts swirling around in mine and undoubtedly, your head aswell, is it any wonder we're held back most of the time by a fear of rejection or change? Obviously to find love is a change we want, but when we confront it, we have to fear the change that its dissapearance would bring aswell. We constantly have to weigh up the good potential future we dream of alongside the person of our choice, with the world we don't want to go back to. The world of square one. Starting all over again is never fun. So keep this article to one side, you may need it one day.

But when we finally finish the thrill of the chase, if you have caught the right person then your high love. it will continue to be thrilling without any nudging in the right direction. We all know if we're in the right place or not. If we're not in the right place, life will throw obstacles at you. We need to fight off all these crazy thoughts in the name of happiness; looking out for number one, staying on the good sides of human nature. Love is that natural high that we all crave and like most of this article it certainly seems to be like a drug. Once it's in your system, you want more and more, in turn giving you a new perspective on the world around you. There's someone there who can do that for you without even trying. That someone is who we hope to meet and show us the way to cloud 9.

So there you go. Another insight into my mind and it's constant fued with the concept of love which is the best emotion to feel. Perhaps, now that you know what this article is really about, you can read it again. I'd like to imagine it will mean something different the second time around. 

© Copyright 2017 Nick Banks. All rights reserved.

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