Love And Its Everlasting Puzzle 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Well, oh dear. Nick seems to be writing like a moaning Myrtle again. What's happened this time, I wonder. Honestly, he needs to cheer up and get laid.

'Ah, she seems like a lovely girl', I think to myself for the undoubtedly at least one hundredth time. I mean, I think that about most girls who bother to speak to me, not because I'm desperate for feminine attention, I get too much of it if such a thing is possible. Admittedly, the thought goes through my head with each girl I meet, so I would not be at all surprised if this was the one hundredth girl or perhaps even more than that. So far, speaking of women in such vast quantities may give the impression that I am vain or consider myself quite the Casanova. Well, as much as I may wish that to be true or to have the somehow acceptably promiscuous life of James Bond, that is not the case and life, as I keep telling myself, is always more complicated than that. The people I live with seem to think I am indeed Casanova or James Bond and that it is my unrelenting charm, wit and sense of humour that brings countless girls into my abode. Again, unfortunately, this is not the case (although, give me a chance and you may find I am some of those things!). It simply falls to sheer circumstance that I am studying a course where the boy to girl ratio is tipped in the favour of the boys. And by favour of the boys, I mean we're spoilt for choice. 

So, as a result almost all of my freinds or acquiantences in university are female. 'You lucky bastard' may dash across your mind. To a degree I may agree with your reason for perhaps jealousy or envy of me in my shoes, in that I couldn't quite imagine life in university without sitting sitting next to an attractive girl in a lecture as she knows me and I know her and she always enjoys a little flirtation as it makes her feel more attractive. They need not feel more attractive because of this as most of the time they are indeed pretty yummy. However, for the most part I wouldn't agree with your jealousy or envy of me in my shoes because apparently being spoilt for choice is not the hazy glade of masclunie wet dreams it professes to be! Why? You might ask, Nick what's wrong with you? Well, if the future me was to tell me the same supposed hogwash to the past me in first year, I would have likely said the same thing.

Yet, the problems I face are indomitably and painfully unable to find voice. I cannot speak openly about them with myself or fellow peers. These problems are things like 'Is she just bothering to speak to me because I'm really good at this and she can use my notes?' or 'Were my housemates onto something when they came to the conclusion that all these girls think I'm gay?'. Or perhaps, every now and again, it could be 'Is she speaking to me because she likes me?'. Now, to any American readers, I would just like to highlight that here (not sure if it's the same with you guys) if a young man like myself happens to be a realy nice guy with perhaps a slightly fatter book of etiquette and politeness than most under his wing, he will be considered gay. At the very least camp or unmanly. Horribly enough however, with the silly unspoken rules of gender conventions in mind, my housemates may be onto something. Being a straight guy who's freinds are mostly female who all find it easy to speak to him and enjoy his company; I may well appear to be gay. Which is extremely unfortunate because then, in the name of not being lonely, I speak to more girls and get to know more of them. However, and heres the clincher, the more I hang out with, the more likely they are affiliated with one another and say, the girl I spent the day with the other day now sees me with a new one! Now this doesn't make me look like a gigolo because if I did have carnal relations with any one of them, the others would know through these affiliations!

Sometimes, I go through little spikes of promise. I get extra little x's on the ends of my texts and I wonder what's going on, if anything, or if they're just replacing reason with brimming hormones. Hell, if they want to come over and sleep with me thats just fine, it's all good fun and you only live once. That never happens. Sometimes, I'll have a full night out just me and her and every time, in my naivety, I think to myself 'this is obviously a date' but then there's the rule of ''Its not a date until you say it is'', which is total rubbish in my opinion. Anyway, when I really push for it and play along with the rules of the rubbish, I sometimes say 'Well, shall we call it a date?', harmlessly enough and suddenly she will clam up like a scared sea creature. She will go all quite and even worse, shooting myself in the foot here, if you do still go out with her later, that one utterence makes her go all awkward and tense making you feel like a dick! But I haven't been a dick...Have I? All I said was 'shall we call it a date?'. This then leads me onto the other bullshit rule that I cannot stand. The idea that 'If we've been freinds this long, I wouldn't want to ruin a freindship with a relationship that might not work'. Ok, so just to start with, this is university. After so long, we're all going to have to go our seperate ways. I'm not asking you out because I want to marry you, I'm twenty. I'm asking you out because I am sexually attracted to you! Girls why do you find this so terrifying!? If a guy asks you out and you're only kind of attracted to him just do it anyway! You'll still have fun and the ball is totally in your court so if the worst happens, and he forces himself on you, wave goodbye and never see him again. Of course, that is if the worst happens. And that is a big IF. The point I'm making is that it could go the other way. It could go extremely well and the two of you may end up asking yourselves why you only bothered to be freinds this long.

Ok, so enough beating around the bush I'm just going to give it to you hard, plain and brutally blunt. Oh, by the way, I don't want your sympathy because everyone gets this problem and they need to be noticed a little more by the ladies!

I am fed up of being the guy that such a large percentage of girls know, but no percentage of girls display any kind of desire to want to go out and see more of me. I am fed up of being the third wheel and spending the day with the girl who is no longer available because her droopy eyed new boyfreind follows her everywhere, disabling me to talk to her about this and how we definately had chemistry before this weirdo popped up out of nowhere. I'm fed up of being told on occasion that 'so and so' really likes me only to turn the corner and instantly see her thinking 'I'm not attracted to her'. I'm fed up of how I'm forgetting what it feels like to see little nuggets of evidence on facebook that this girl has a crush on me and is sending code messages to her freinds on her mobile phone, whilst giggling at me in passing. I suppose it all adds up and I'm left here, returning home from a wonderful night out, without her by my side, wondering 'What am I doing wrong?' or the worst one 'am I really that ugly?'. Well no I'm not...am I? Anyway, moving on with my really bad track record.

The first was beautiful and she really knew how to smile. Her father was is charge at an army barracks and I was supposed to cower in fear at the drop of his name. I didn't, so he forced her to break up with me when it was the last thing she wanted to do. Then, there was another beautiful girl who I thought was way out of my league. She was so down to earth she had the morality of a terminator robot and  a really short fuse, set to ignite at the slightest annoyance. Then, oh boy, then there was the American girl... Then there was a girl who's brother tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because he was drunk and decided she could do better. After fighting my case with a man possesing an even shorter fuse than my ex, butterflies doing laps around my stomach after being told I shouldn't speak to him or I'd end up in hospital, I managed to win the girl. Yay! Well, the cheeriness did not last long as she was offered a job she couldn't refuse far away from here...of course. So, a girl that I'd only known a month, expected me to fulfill the duties of a seasoned boyfreind going on Skype to talk everynight. I couldn't handle yet another long distance relationship and I had to break up with her. So that brings us up to date pretty much. There was a girl who showed alot of promise but she went out with droopy-eyes instead.  

Things don't seem to be going all that well at the moment. Forced breakups from military men, stabbings that could or could not have happened and..America. After such a long series of unfortunate events, totally unprecedented, I can only look ahead to the future and imagine some lovely slender attractive girl will jump into my life and make me feel like I'm worth more than just a few useful revision sessions or humourous banter. Emo's take notice! I am not sitting in the shower crying and cutting, using my own tears as lubricant to masturbate over girls I'll never have! Respectfully, I am looking to the future...Anything could happen.

Maybe someday soon, She will come along and make me think how silly I was writing all this down.


Submitted: January 15, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Nick Banks. All rights reserved.

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Comments

XxlulucrossxX

LOVE IT! XDDDD Although, I did have some difficulty understanding it, my vocab isn't as wonderful as yours X3333 Anywho~ WOWZA! Really love how you laid it all out! Tell me when you have got something new up! ;)

Wed, January 25th, 2012 1:18am

Author
Reply

No problemo. Thanks alot for reading it

Tue, January 24th, 2012 6:12pm

Atmosphere

Wonderful, simply wonderful! X3 Your writing style is amazing! And intriguing to read! ;) Thanks for the request, and if you don't mind, tell me when you have got something new up alright? XD

Wed, January 25th, 2012 1:27am

Author
Reply

Awesome sauce! Will do. Thanks for your enthusiasm, it's much appreciated

Tue, January 24th, 2012 6:11pm

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