Expiration Date

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
short story about life as a high school student who struggles with who he is and what you make him.

Submitted: May 04, 2016

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Submitted: May 04, 2016

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Who am I? That is a question that can't be answered in just a phrase. I am not just a simple guy, as many people or even I used to think. I'm a sick twisted individual. If you asked me only 5 years ago who I was, I would have given you an answer that would make you smile and be proud of me. But now I don't even know your reaction.

 

I was once a kind loving big hearted young man on fire for God. People respected me and loved me. But for some reason it all changed and so did I. That smile never left, but now it hides a beast, one who is so well hidden I couldn't find him. Now it's too late he controls me. This is why no one starts around for long. I want to be helped, but no one will even try and safe me. So what am I supposed to do?

 

You think that people can't fully change you, that you can always bounce back. But when you lose everything you love, there is no coming back. There is only moving forward in hopes to find an end to chaos. I was young at heart wanted love and friendship. I got both, but those all came with an expiration date.

 

In 8th grade I had but only 2 real friends and both used me and tortured me, yet I never saw it cause I only loved. That very same year I met this girl who actually loved me for me, but that fucking expiration date came fast. She no longer cared for me but instead with the very friend I thought was my best, with no hesitation he took her and left me alone. They dragged me along on a path of gravel and broken glass, until finally leaving me in the road alone and bleeding. But forgives and compassion was still in my heart! But still i actually felt alone, in a hole where no matter how much I jumped and climbed someone kept pulling me down. She soon moved as middle school came to a close, and still loved my friend and shrugged me off.

 

Freshman year came quick! So did new faces to wreck me. It started with my new pal jack he was a cool dude. We hung out and played football with each other! He is one of a few who stuck with me, had his fair share of destruction in my life but he was there. He always had to be better at everything than me, and had to rule over me. He took all the girls all my friends and even my parents love. And I allowed it, because everyone needed something to make them feel loved. Even if it meant my undoing.

 

Next was Ariel, she was a girl who lead me on for so long and yet never wouldn’t date me. Yes stupid for me to care but it hurt. She always told me how sweet and kind I was and she wanted someone like me but couldn't be with me cause she would hurt me. Yet she did everyday, with those words. I took her to my first dance and she fucked my used to be best friend right after. I thought that was the end of it but life wasn't through chewing me up.

 

Stacy was the best. She was the one girl in my life who I truly considered a friend, one I thought would last forever. Yet once more the fucking expiration date came, but this one was slow and painful! All of freshman year she was by my side through thick and thin. We flirted and always knew we liked each other but tried to spare the friendship. This went on for 2 years until I realized it would never happen. She dated both my best friends and one of the dudes, of the few, who hated me. It hurt worse and worse. when I was ready she ran to an ex to hide from me, I don't understand her thinking. She thought it would spare my feelings, but life hated me. I put out her candle. I finally needed to get over it or I would be stuck forever. I have never forgiven myself, pain is nothing compared to emptiness. That is what I felt when that pit of darkness got deeper, I screamed but no sound would penetrate the bind over my sealed mouth.

 

Lastly the one who I can't find a way to escape the pain. Ashley. She was a great friend for years, but one day it all changed! She went from being someone like me to a completely different, polar opposite of me. She started to be mean and hate me, but I couldn't let her go she was with me for so long and I could see the pain in her eyes! I was evil, told her she was my friend yet was so worried what people thought and who I wanted that I blew her off so many times. But nothing I did would make her stay. She just kept pushing harder and harder. I finally released my grip and watched her fly. But I fell deeper to the hole, it was so dark all I could do was close my eyes, it was so dark I couldn't even cry. The darkness was suffocating! A year later she came back for a short time. I started to see a light in her and sparking in my darkness. Sadly she came to me due to her being pregnant, raped while she was drinking and smoking. If I didn't let go, if I held on for just a few months it could have been prevented! But she still only used me till the pregnant feel through, she again left for another guy and drugs. That wouldn't bet the last time I saw her.

 

Senior year she contacted me and we hit it off, like old times. Except it was too late. While everyone left, I found the beast the one holding me down in that pit. He would pull me farther in, cover my mouth, and blind me. He hated everyone, all he loved was hurting. At first he controlled me and used me. I thought I could fight it but once more everyone left and hated me. I lost hope and now I'm trapped in the hole with no exit. He controls. I sent her back to drugs and sex then made her feel like crap, only to return for the same destination.

 

What does this mean? I enjoy watching people hurt and run back to me, only to plot a path for them to fuck themselves and return. Love me and hate me. It's all the same, I have no more emotion. I'm an asshole, one made by you. I am truly gone, the more you hurt me and leave me, he gets buried deeper and deeper. Ashley want the only one I feed on, the girl from 8th grade contacted me later in life only for me to sink my claws in and drag in gravel, I released nude pictures she sent. I did this to make her hate me and feed my beast. She wasn't ever the same. Nor will anyone, sometimes I see a light in the pit but only to release my grip and fall to the bottom.

 

So who am i? Ask yourself, what have you done to people. That is you. As for me, I'm empty only a shell of the happy go lucky kid that used to be. Who knew that even I had a fucking expiration date.  


© Copyright 2020 Nickie R.F.. All rights reserved.

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