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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: October 07, 2013

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Submitted: October 07, 2013



The feeling of being led astray, by those who you thought to trust with your heart, your soul, and everything you stand for. Nothing could ever fulfill the empty feeling of looking around the horizons, but no ones there, it’s just yourself left standing towards the end of a cliff, finding so many reasons why not to step off the edge and to see what lies beyond this veil of illusion. For every tear there is a reason, and for every drop of blood, there is treason. Can we as a human learn to love, and forgive those who sought to destroy us, and to lead us away from what is right? If only I can speak, but I am trapped within my own mind, and I forever refuse to express, as for I can only express thru the song, and forever more drag me along with time, to await my last breath.

And soon, come to my realization, that leaving the paint behind, that can only express the pain and misery of ones self, if only a sensible human can realize the truth behind such a irrational decision. Seeking to destroy those emotionally, that I know very well, learn everyone’s weakness. Can you taste it, sense it, and use it?  There is a reason for every irrational, or rational decision, there is no right or wrong, it’s what you feel is right, regardless of consequence. Being mind locked in a shell is one way to become a fucking psychopath. The continuum of traffic, and the haunting images of what used to be. The shit never ends, and medicating thru it is just one step, but in the end, same old story, the rush is only enough for so long. We fail to find our selves, deep within our soul, to know our true identity, and who we truly are. So in the end, the only strength I sought out to keep the momentum, is thru rage, seeing everything in red, imposing negativity all around, but in my turn, I guess the birthing mother just fucked up, and missed the abortion. In other words, some of us are just imploding stars, just cage shit up, and wait for everything around us to collapse. Being trapped within your rage, fear, and attempting to depart away from everything that gives a shit is the only answer, because, nothing or no one can ever touch you, and cause any type of harm. Of course that’s bullshit; being stranded and left alone only adds layers of mental instability over time. Can’t avoid what’s really there, and impose an illusion of what’s not existent just to fulfill that piece that’s left out missing.

Sometimes it’s just better to pretend everything is ok, and tries to part with peace and harmony, but it’s not enough. In reality you know, and they know, the deceptive mask will always show a slight sign, that perhaps most will not understand. The human psychology has more complexity then most people understand. Then I understand. But experience speaks at its best. Imagine being in enclosed in a dark room, and no matter how many people are there, you’re always the single. Silent screams will always go unanswered. Others listen and respond thru the music, and begin to feel, and connect.

The passion to share something that has always been avoided or rejected. Deep inside lays a stray heart, wondering the halls, to find something to connect with.

The endeavor in life is to find success, but not to prove those wrong, but yourself.

Do what you thought was the impossible, an achievement that you never sought to come to terms with.

Of course it all bullshit to me. Some of us live in a dark world painted in blood, imaginatively of course, unless the idea of expression is thru a suicide that signifies, or has a relevance to something no one understands. The only escape is to “Open your mind”, then maybe I could be free, and not feel like a prisoner of war so often, metaphorically speaking. The war wages on and overweighing the possibility of survival seems to be slim these days. Becoming full of hate and spite towards those who never deserved it is the only way to cope with the feeling of shit. And wonder, why am I not self medicating, how am I not doing it? I suppose as I ask myself this, I realize, maybe I have really changed, and become a better human, perhaps not to a full potential, but it is an endeavor in process. We’re all just dead inside, just so shallow. I listen to the symphonies, in the back of my mind, trying to tell me something, but I refuse to listen and continue on the path of ignorance.

I guess I’ll never understand what goes on, the promise of hanging above for all to see is not anytime soon, but in hopes that it does happen. Not caring for a thought or feeling, just want understanding that it’s done by not giving a shit anymore. How can we give a shit, it’s not a society that it is made to be, nor do we at time acquire the attentiveness that most receive, nor do some of us get lectured on how to manipulate the human race for our own selfish needs. Only to blame ourselves for accepting it, and trying to move away from the venomous words without correction. The only antidote is to be all we can be, move along and attempt to change the world for the better, or to change someone’s life. What changes my life, is seeing someone’s smile, that changes my life, because I made the extra effort for improvement upon another human being.


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