I sit here looking at the computer screen, doing the same things I always do, when I go onto the computer. I check my grades for school, go on all three of my emails and write stories, poems and
songs on a writing website. The same routine I do everytime I am in the shool library, for study hall. Today was different and I don't know how to really explain it though.
I was sitting there checking one of my emails, seeing most of the stuff was from facebook. I sat there reading all my best friend facebook status and a good half of them was about how happy she was with her "boyfriend." I wanted to stop reading them because I was really getting sick of her, talking about him 24/7. I didn't stop reading them and when I kept reading the rest, they became depressing and about how her "boyfriend" broke up with her because of one stupid little thing. Reading that, it made me remember that I called her last night to talk to her and see how she was doing and everything. Her voice sounding stiff and weak when she told me she didn't want to talk, right there and then I knew she was crying. I asked her why and she just told me, that he broke up with her, next thing I knew she hung up on me.
I shook my head back and fourth, still staring at the screen of the computer. I was actually kind of happy that he broke up with her because he wasn't the kind of guy for her. Yet at the sametime she still hasn't realized that he wasn't the one protecting her, he was just hurting her even more. My innocent best friend becoming something horrifying, something that you thought that was impossible to happen to your best friend. I felt like I didn't protect her well enough, that I let my gaurd done and let the evil take over her. She was drinking, smoking, having sex, and ingoring me more then ever before. Yet it didn't stop me from reading the rest of facebook status she posted, the rest just wanted me to yell out in frustration because all I was reading was about how her other friends have been there for her. Have talked to her on the phone and given her great and excellent adivce, was there to give her a hug and say everything will be perfectly fine. I was angered of what she was saying, yet sad at the same time. It felt like I was no more to her, like I was nothing but an old memory from the past.
So much things has changed since moving so far away from her, so much things that she barely lets me into her life. I sat there with out realizing the tears that ran down my cheecks, the tears I held in for so long. I didn't notice I was crying, I didn't notice that I was actually alone. I didn't want to think that I lost such a great friend, that I am becoming more alone then ever. I wanted everything back to normal, I wanted to have the friends I loved so much to come back. Who would have thought that you could lose someone so close to the most horrifying things, take away the things you love. I shed more tears, then I thought I could shed in just 45 minutes and yet nobody notice. I sat alone in a library, by myself and feeling like I didn't belong here. The pain inside my chest built up and yet never decreased, from realizing I was alone.......I am like a broken record having the same old things happening to me, having the same routines and telling of the same old stories.
Moving down here to a new town, thinking that I would actually start out new and become a better person. Yet nothing has changed, yet nobody realizes that I am there and always be forgotton. How can a person keep living, when they feel like they have been down graded from life and has nothing to live for. But still I keep walking on nomatter what has happened.
This I call tears left unsaid, tears that are never forgotton and never will be speak of again..........The tears left unsaid will always be hidden behind a mask of lies.................
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