Poem by: November
love, humor, heartbreak, lonely, sad, breakup, lovely, comedy, november, funny, limerick, lionel
Submitted: August 23, 2007
A Lovely Little Limerick For Lonely Little Lionel
If he lays off alcohol
she's not so pretty after all,
no poise, no grace,
no perfect face,
not as good as his blow up doll.
© Copyright 2016 November. All rights reserved.
This is really good on many levels. I loove a good lymerick.
Hope you don't mind some constructive criticism: In my experience the protagonist in a lymerick is more clearly defined in the first line; i.e. "There was a young man from Nantucket,,," May I suggest replacing "He" with 'Lionel'. Possibly also replace "If" with 'when' -- but thats just me... sorry for the unsolicited edit.
I wrote a Lymerick about me: "Nature or Nurture?"
Check it out if you like. But, I would really appreciate your comments on "Aloud" as i will be reading it aloud tonight.
All the best,
I totally see what you're saying and appreciate the constructive criticism.
I was trying to avoid the typical "There was a young man from Nantucket..." opening, i don't know why, I guess I just thought it a bit cliché or whatnot, but you're suggestions are actually really good. Thank you.
And sure, I'll check out your pieces, I'll do it right now =)
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