Why does my heart beat fast when he's with me?
Why do I feel empty when he isn't?
I try to hide it
But once the feeling's there,
Once it's noticed,
It becomes impossible to ignore.
My mind goes insane,
My heart seems to beat faster,
Suddenly I've become vulnerable.
I can't tell whether it's good or bad.
Heaven or hell.
Right or wrong.
I keep telling myself
"No, it's too risky,
I'll get hurt."
But I just can't push it away.
It keeps coming back
And slapping me out of reality.
Suddenly I'm in a different world,
Where nothing else makes sense,
Where nothing else matters
Except that one person.
Always on my mind;
No one else.
I don't want to have this feeling.
I hate it, detest it
But I know I can't hide it any longer.
Soon I'll just burst.
Then my heart,my mind,
Everything about me will change.
I still hate it,
Im still unsure,
Im still stubborn,
But maybe i should just let it out.
He's still waiting for me
So I should let the feeling escape my bricked up mind.
As long as i know the feeling's there
It'll just get bigger.
I'll crave it more each day
And it will get harder to hide it.
I already know how this is gonna end up
But i still dont want to accept it.
I've become so confused.
I hate it
But i still want it.
My mind is just messed up
And my head is always full of thoughts.
"Maybe it's time
to finally accept it"
"No, i wont.
I dont want to give in.
It's just gonna hurt me."
"Why is this so hard?"
Is love worth it?
Worth the heartbreak?
Worth the endless tears?
Worth the pain?
Whats wrong with me?
Why can't i think straight?
He confuses me
Into getting closer to him
So i wonder whether i should give in.
Then he smirks at me,
With that composed face of his
And suddenly i hate the feeling again.
Why does he confuse me?
Why does he like making me go insane?
Why do I secretly like it when he does?
Secretly, deep inside
I'm slowly giving way;
The wall around my heart is breaking down.
Im sick of all these conflicting thoughts;
I don't know what to think anymore.
I love him. I know it.
But I don't want to.
He just makes me
All messed up.
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