The Redfish In the Sea

Runner-up-Booksie Spring 2017 Flash Fiction Contest Runner-up-Booksie Spring 2017 Flash Fiction Contest

Reads: 3239  | Likes: 6  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

A redhead sits in a coffee shop. All by her lonesome..

Another afternoon of serenity.. It’s a wonder how many people ignore the lovely trinkets placed on each of these lovely, lovely racks.

Truly lovely, and symmetrical too. Hmm, that guy is quite cute, probably a backpacker.

You gotta love guys who travel, very cultured and whatnot. If only I had the money to do me some travelling, I would be so- oh god, baldy trying to get acquainted with me!

Why do they always have to ask what book I’m reading, like they can’t tell from reading the front cover, ugh men. Yes, of course I like the book I’m reading, otherwise I wouldn’t be reading it would I? I’ve also been reading the same sentence over and over again. I know, impolite of me to attempt to distract myself from this profound heart-to-heart dialogue. Moreover, I’m not at all aware  of how much trite is pouring out of my mouth just to clue him in on my clear disinterest, and dear lord, his tacky hawaiian shirt makes him look slightly like father, even his banter is identical in awkwardness. Oh marvelous, at last he says farewell. Good riddance, I say. If man were to devolve, he’d probably be the result.

Oh my, he looked at me! Hey there lovely backpacker, why not come and have a chat?

Darn, he left. Why don’t guys ever talk to me?..

 


Submitted: June 23, 2017

© Copyright 2021 Ocean Oshun. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Archia

That last line was great, it really brought the whole story together. It liked the thoughts about the bald man, and it really didn't need any of the actual conversation to get the point across, which was great. I really enjoyed this.

Mon, July 31st, 2017 10:27am

Author
Reply

Thanks for taking the time to read and review it!

Sun, February 9th, 2020 3:13pm

Forrest Obzerveer

Your basic concept is intriguing. However, parts of the story come across confusing. The way you mention baldy all of a sudden. I thought maybe you were trying to say something else. My advice would be to have some small objective prose moments between thoughts when they change back and forth. After that, your thoughts are fine in revealing the rest of the story as well as offering a great characterization of your character.

Sun, June 9th, 2019 5:38pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for taking the time to read and review it!

Sun, February 9th, 2020 3:13pm

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