Hope You Realize I'm Not A Saint

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
kind of just my way of showing that no matter how much i try in my own world i cant be the best person that everyone wants me to be. I try my best to be a good person for everyone like my parents and my friends and the people that actually really count but like everyone else around me I'm not perfect. so i guess this is kind of my prayer to God or whoever is out there to kind of help me and show me the way. this is one of my favorites possibly because i'm not religious at all in te least bit. so maybe its a step forward in kind of regaining faith since i've lost all of it after the way the world treats people. I don't know. Take what you want out of it. It's up to you

Submitted: December 15, 2006

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Submitted: December 15, 2006

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Hope you realize I'm not a saint

I hope you will forget

All the things I still lack

Is it in you now?

To better hear the truth I’ve kept for so long

Is it in you now?

To give life to the things that you've broken

Nothing gets to be as bad as the way it feels now

A whisper from a mother

A whisper from a father

Can never fix the pain in the broken body

Take some time to warm your hands by the fire

There’s no more time to hang your head

Do you feel condemned?

In a world of black and white

Where you're the only one in color

I used to be such an original

I guess now I'm being too careful

Unbutton the buttons slowly of my shirt slowly

transitioning into something softer and more comfortable

like bare skin 

quietly slip under the blanket

close my weary eyes 

And remember when I used to sleep without a stir

I used to pray to God or whoever was listening

I used to make my parents proud

I was the glue that kept my friends together

And now we don’t talk

And the family separated long ago

I used to remember the names of the girls I kissed

Now it’s just a blur

The nametag seems to have changed but the faces never seemed to be any different

Call me a fool

Call me naive

I see through it all

I see through myself into something real

Jesus Christ helps me in my time of need

When I take the thorns from your crown and wear them as my own

Take the worlds sins upon my brow

You have such a pretty face

And I think of you when I lay awake at night

Alone in my bed

Of how you just waited and were betrayed

I see myself in you 

Wondering why the worlds passed me by

Jesus Christ i'm not scared to die

I'm a little bit afraid as to what comes after

To cry is to let the world down

Maybe I’m scared to get scared

Take you're wooden nails and ram them between my ribs

Call me a martyr

I’m betting I’m just a girl with a faded smile

Hush me to sleep

and hold me in your arms

I want to feel safe 

I think this is the comfort I need

When I can’t seem to sleep

So I'll lay awake and wait for the candle to die down

And watch the stars

Spot constellations

And know that maybe someone can save me

I’ll just be another star that burns out too quick

But will they still see me?

If it’s supposed to be like this

Then why do most of us watch our dreams turn to tears

Run away and find a safe place to hide

It’s the best place to be when you start to feel life

Just don’t tell me what you want me to hear

Break my heart

And cripple my body

Make me feel as normal as you think I am

My body dissolves

Fallen down harder this time than I've ever before

All the things I hate

Seem to revolve around me

I'll try to find a smile

Stand up

Only to fall down

Start to scream "something move me" before I fade away

Stare into space

I found love

But it got erased

I hope you realize I'm not a saint

I watch the grains of sand trickle by

Catch me off guard

All the things I wish I could say

I'm rehearsing

So I can make a perfect impression

A soft kiss on my forehead

Like Jesus betrayed by the kiss of Judas

I find myself in judgement

In front of a jury of my peers

My hands shackled and my body bare

Scars evident for the world to see

But i bare no shame

or no discontentment

or resentment

I see the passion in your eyes

I feel the compassion through your lips

my wings start to molt

and the feathers begin to fall like soft unspoken tears

wishing to be apart of something much greater

yes i might not be a saint

and my wings molt  like my innocence devoured

but maybe I'm afraid of you letting my shackles fall to the floor

i might follow suit

since they're what keeps me steady under your harsh gaze

pass the judgement onto me

don't be afraid that i can't take it

I've endured worse from the crack of the whip

the sting that comes with losing a chunk of your heart

to someone who once said they loved you

the tears sting worse

pouring fresh salt into open wounds

 


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