Booties and Bloomers

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a story about my old neighbor in Millfield. God bless her ability to laugh at herself. I think laughing at oneself shows true strength of character. So Miss Sherry, this one's for you dear!

Submitted: August 19, 2009

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Submitted: August 19, 2009

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BOOTIES AND BLOOMERS

Alrighty then girls. First let me start by saying that Miss Sherry absolutely demanded that this story be in print. Why? Who could possibly know?

So girls, just when you thought it was safe to open yet another one of Ball's infamous 3-ring binders, you might want to think again! Here is another one of those undies-gone-wild stories.

This story involves Ball and Mom's old neighbor from Millfield, Miss Sherry. Miss Sherry lived right across the road from us for years. We had many good times and lots of laughs in those years. To this day we are still friends and talk on the phone often.

Miss Sherry had a son named Jon. He was the same age as your Mother and they were the best of partner's in crime. All the time getting into the business and then lying for one another. They too, are still friends to this day.

Poohbear ever so kindly calls Jon, Big Bird, because he is so tall.

Now you all already know that Miss Sherry is a big girl. And there ain't nothing wrong with being a big girl. So Ball doesn't want you all to think that she is laughing at Miss Sherry for that. I am laughing at Miss Sherry's clumbsiness. Poor Miss Sherry, she rivals your own Mother for the crown of Ungracefulness.


So one winter day, Miss Sherry had a work crew from Tri-County Weatherization out to her house to do some repairs. Miss Sherry was a single mother and needed help with some of the harder work.

Real early that morning Miss Sherry called me on the phone and asked me to come up to her house and sit with her. She didn't want to be left alone with all those men on the work crew that she did not know.

When I finally made it over to her house I noticed that Miss Sherry had been up to Miss Beck's the day before and had gotten a brand new, short, curly, hair-do. I also noticed that the usually late sleeping Miss Sherry, was up, showered, and had her new hair do all primped into place.

The work crew was already there and hard at work. There were about 7 of them and they varied in age, from the very young, to middle-aged, to one spry old geezer.

Miss Sherry was all the time shopping for a boyfriend. She had a wide variety to pick from this day.

I sat at the table and watched Miss Sherry flit around like a butterfly with no place to land. Miss Sherry had this crazy notion that to get the attention of a man she needed to very domestic. Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc.

By the time I got there, the house was already clean. She was now busy making coffee and home made biscuits, while running a load of laundry.

Finally, the washer shuddered to a halt and chaos officially began.......

Miss Sherry had a really old dryer. It was a loud squeaky monster. She feared that all that racket would scare or at the very least finish deafening the old geezer on the work crew. So there she was, a washer full of undies and no other choice but to hang them out on the clothes line to freeze dry.

As soon as the washer stopped, Miss Sherry hustled her bustle right back that hallway, nearly scaring the bejesus out of the old geezer who was laying on his back in the middle of the hallway, fishing an electrical wire through the wall. Miss Sherry hauled all of her unmentionables out of the washer and into a laundry basket. She opened the backdoor, basket in hand. Stepped out onto the back step, which was still slick from frost the night before. And SHABANG! DISASTER! Miss Sherry flew straight off that step and her booty hit the ground with a resounding THUD! When her booty hit the ground, the impact dislodged her basket from her hands. It flew 3 feet into the air, tossing out every pair of extra large, extra white bloomers and brassieres all over the backyard. It was like the white sale at Macy's. Tidy whities flying everywhere.

The thing that amused Ball the absolute most was that two of the younger guys on the work crew were out back taking a smoke break when Miss Sherry made her impromptu exit. All that chaos of the flying undies scared one of those old boys so badly that first he jumped then he ducked saying, “What the heck?”

Oh dear! BallBall couldn't even stop laughing at Miss Sherry as she tried to gracefully haul her booty up off that ground, gather up her bloomers, and straighten out her new hair do all at the same time.


Girls again I will remind you that Miss Sherry, who has an excellent sense of humor insisted that BallBall put this story in your book and put it up for public print. When she found out about the storybook she made at least a dozen calls to me to remind me of some “crazy thing” she had done.

BallBall is thinking that there is something seriously wrong with the drinking water in Millfield, and it has long term effects!


So here's BallBall's warped moral to this story. If you decide to engage in any sort of activity that involves the handling of your undies in the presence of an all male work crew, please use caution. At the very least have the good sense to look before you step out on your step. Don't just go off in a wild frenzy flinging yourself, your pride, and your unmentionables out the door. This will surely discourage and frighten any potential suitors.




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