Fruit Loops

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is oneof those crazy stories that have me laughing all these years later.

Submitted: July 28, 2009

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Submitted: July 28, 2009

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FRUIT LOOPS

Oh girls, it is along about this time that this BallBall is asking herself why she is even bothering to repeat this crazy story to her grandchildren. Or anyone else for that matter.

Well the only answer I have for that is, it might make our family look a little bit crazy, but it's funny.

The Players for this Story:

BallBall ~ Who was just nutty enough to quit smoking in a small house full of craziness to contend with daily.

Candace ~ Yep girls, I am talking about your sweet, lovely, little, Mother here, need I say more?

Robert ~ You girls never really got an opportunity to know Robert. That's a real shame. But just let me explain Robert's personality as: There is no one I know of that would ever term his sense of humor as normal. He happily bounced through his life laughing at himself and everyone around him.

Sadie ~ An extra plump, very smelly, beagle dog.

And finally, a half a dozen, bobble-headed, googly-eyed pussycats. The tabby variety of pussycats. Their only occupation in life was to get under foot, lie cozily around, and chow down massive amounts of food daily. Their names were, Woolie, BooBoo2, Peaches, Zoop, Charmina, and Callie.

With this cast of characters, your BallBall bravely decided to quit smoking. Oh, what was I thinking? Every day my one last nerve threatened to jump ship.

Now normally, when one quits smoking, one gets very hungry. BallBall was neither normal or hungry.

The only time that BallBall got hungry was late at night. The only thing that I craved was of all things, dry Fruit Loops cereal.

So one night about 11pm, I wandered into the kitchen to get my Fruit Loop fix. Of course my entourage was, as usual in tow. That would be Sadie and the cats. I dragged out my economy-sized bag of Fruit Loops, got down my little pink bowl, and went over to the sink and began opening the bag. Entourage still hot on my tail.

Because I lived in a house full of crazies, a beagle, 6 scary cats, and had just quit smoking, I was really jumpy nervous. I also had a problem holding onto things.

So there I stood at the kitchen sink yanking and pulling on my bag of Fruit Loops. Trying desperately to get the bag open without stepping on any pet heads or tails.

When out of nowhere, your little Mother barreled out of her room, screaming like Satan himself was chasing her.

In one leap, Candace landed squarely on the kitchen table and sat there shaking like a leaf.

At the very same time Candace's door banged the kitchen wall, I put just the right amount of torque on the Fruit Loop bag. Fruit Loops flew everywhere. It was a virtual fruity loop shower.

I was stunned. Stunned and startled.

Sadie was in Fruit Loop heaven. Nose to the floor and wolfing down massive amounts of cereal.

Some of the pussycats jumped at the unexpected noise of the door bang and others just sat there. Woolie decided to take a nap.

Rob, hearing all the commotion in the kitchen wandered out to the end of the counter to inspect. Lord forbid, should he miss something good.

He also had the good sense to stay far enough way, that should need be, he could make a hasty retreat.

When I recovered from my near coronary and plucked the majority of the Fruit Loops out of my hair, I turned to look at your Mother, Candace.

There she sat, all terrified looking and huddled on my table.

I very calmly said, “Okay. What seems to be the problem this evening? Besides the fact that you may be murdered shortly?”

Your little Mother, Candace, then burst into tears and said, “A little bastard mouse ran into my room and tried to eat me!”

As I am standing there trying to assimilate all this craziness into some sort of workable file folder in my brain, your little Mother let out another deafening scream. I looked just in time to see that same little mouse tear out of Candace's room and into the bathroom.

Now I am deaf and scared.

But as it is in BallBall's life, when in a weird situation, I just laugh. The whole daggone thing struck me as humorous.

I looked at your little Mother, Candace, still huddled on the table and said, “Hey, do you suppose that if I tied a pork chop around that mouse's neck, that chubby beagle would chase it down for you?”

Your Mother looked so very insulted. It was wonderful. It was justice.

BallBall laughed and laughed.

Rob, no longer fearing that he might be the next candidate for murder flopped over onto the floor laughing. I finally had to drag him back to the bedroom by one arm.

Sadie, the chubby beagle, continued on her quest for more stray Fruit Loops. For her, anything dropped on the floor was fair game.

The cats just did whatever cats do. Well, besides chase down the mouse.

Candace remained on the table for God knows how long.

BallBall just went off to bed with what few Fruit Loops that landed in her bowl from the shower and prayed that someone, anyone, deliver her just one Marlboro cigarette.

The very next day, BallBall saw the next door neighbor out in his yard. I chased him straight down and bummed a cigarette. Thereby ending that attempt at quitting smoking.

So girls. Granddaughters of my heart....I'd love to tell you that BallBall has come up with a great moral to this story. But I can't think of a single thing anyone could possibly learn from this one.

Oh wait.....it's coming to me....yes.....

The moral to this story is: We are all a little bit crazy and it's best to just laugh at it all.


© Copyright 2020 Old BallBall. All rights reserved.

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