Deus Ex Narnia

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Christian Writers

A young alien girl living on a planet with a highly advanced technological civilization tries to understand why there is so little happiness in the world. Sequel to NEAR DEATH, IDOLS, and FORWARD

Submitted: July 20, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 20, 2016




“It hurts,” Vika said.

Dad was looking at his reflection in the mirror. He was handsome – tall, strong, and slender, with nine multi-colored, rhomboid eyes. Both his beautifully shaped faces were covered by soft, squishy beards, slightly trimmed around the liver.

“My stomach,” Vika said.

“Honey!” Dad shouted into the depths of the living room. “I can’t find my seventh sock. Have you seen it?”

Gug’s silvery voice rang through the internal sound system.

“I’m busy with my doctorate, sweet sulfur pie. Just materialize one, okay?”

“Materialize, of course,” Dad muttered to himself, adjusting his tie in front of the mirror. “Energy consumption doesn’t cost anything, right? And who has to pay the bills? Who?”

“Daaaaaad,” Vika said.


“My stomach hurts.”

“Annihilate and reproduce a couple of cells, then.”

“But Uncle Alex says we shouldn’t be doing that. He says we’ve grown too accustomed to easy solutions.”

“Uncle Alex is full of shit,” Dad said absent-mindedly. Five holograms hovered in the air in front of him. One of them was probably his boss reprimanding him for being late for work.

“Valentin! Stop using such language in front of the child,” Mom said sternly, coming out of the bathroom.

“Where the hell is the molecular transporter today?” Dad shouted. “I can’t find anything in this house!”

“Stop yelling!” Mom yelled.

“My stomach hurts!” Vika chimed in.

Mom quickly cloned Dad and started hitting the clone hard with all her hands. Acid sweat poured down her lavender faces.

“Take this!” she screamed at the clone, smashing its kidneys.

“You are too kind,” the defenseless clone said, producing a seraphic smile. “It feels so wonderfully marvelous to be beaten by you, o magnanimous, magnificent, munificent woman of indescribable beauty, not in the very least overweight.”

“What’s going on there?” Gug’s voice resounded in the loudspeakers. “I can’t concentrate with all this noise around. Do I have to shut out my consciousness again?”

“You should’ve shut it out when Dmitry was hitting on you yesterday at the party,” Dad said.

“He was not.”

“Oh yeah? His bile was all over your new dress.”

“Take an anti-jealousy pill, Valentin,” Mom said, stuffing the squashed remains of the mutilated clone into a portable annihilator.

“Take an anti-gullibility pill, Masha,” Dad said sarcastically.

“There’s no reasoning with men,” Gug complained in a weepy voice.

“Shut up, Rito!” Mom hissed. “You are one to talk! All you are interested in is your stupid doctorate. So you’ll find a way to convert dark energy into baryonic matter and stabilize the expansion of the universe. Big deal! Do you even care for our relationship as a triad?”

The three of them started talking all at once. Vika inhaled a large portion of air and bellowed:

“My!.. Stomach!!.. Hurts!!!.. Aunt Nadya died of that new unknown disease yesterday. All the girls in my class are laughing at me because my teeth are white and solid. There is a war between New Ukraine and the City-State of Mensk. My math teacher’s wife and bife have both left him, and he tries hard not to cry during the class. You guys are fighting… fighting… fighting… all the freaking time!” She began to sob. “What… what kind of a world is this?”

“Honey…” Mom said.

Vika pushed past her, stormed into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut. She ran into a pile of old towels, stumbled, and fell.

She didn’t feel like getting up. She didn’t feel like doing anything at all.

“I’ll just lie here…” she said out loud, sniffling. “I’ll just lie here till I die. This life has no meaning anyway…”

At that moment, an image of a curiously shaped, large, yellow animal flickered in front of Vika. It was looking at her intensely with a pair of round, greenish eyes.

She thought she’d installed too many sight-enhancing microchips while preparing for the zero-gravity mega basketball game yesterday.

Then, suddenly, the image became real.



Vika glanced around and realized that she wasn’t in her bathroom anymore. In fact, she was surrounded by alien landscape. All around her was wild growth – a massive, impenetrable clump of grotesque, gigantic plants with monstrously thick stems clad in brown armor. It was as though one of the prehistoric paintings by the Ancient Ones had suddenly sprung to life.

Right in front of her stood the yellow animal, still studying her with calm interest.

“It’s just a dream, right?” Vika said loudly.

“No, it is not, my child,” the animal replied, slightly tilting its head.

Vika instinctively felt the trigger of the low life form annihilator at the bottom of her middle knee pocket.

“You… you can talk?” she asked incredulously, trying to keep all her nine eyes on the creature. “You look like an animal. You aren’t supposed to be talking. Are you a product of a genetic experiment? A mutated organism? An alien?”

The creature raised its head, adorned with a long, golden mane, and suddenly emitted a deafening, earth-shattering roar.

Vika was very close to pressing the trigger, but then a sudden thought flashed through her right brain.

“Wait a second… wait a second,” she said, trying to remember something. “Uncle Alex gave me that silly book… written by one of the Ancient Ones. All made up, just fairy tales, though. Or so I thought… By any chance – are you a lion?”

“This is my shape in this world, child,” the creature spoke calmly. “Yours has not seen me yet.”

“I can’t believe it,” Vika said, shaking her heads. “I’ve always hated that book.”

“Why?” the lion asked, looking somewhat bemused.

“Isn’t that obvious?” Vika snorted. “Because of you!”

“Me?” the lion frowned. “What have I done to draw the ire of a young creature more than five thousand years after that book was written?”

“Everything,” Vika said decisively, feeling the tears forming in some of her eyes again. “You are… a beast. You are supposed to be this omnipotent, benevolent being, but you almost never help anyone. You just… stand there. People fight and die believing in you, and you barely lift a finger! Or a paw! Or whatever your appendages are called. Aslan, right? Is that your name?”

“Yes, it is,” the lion said.

“Well, Aslan, it’s time for someone to tell you the truth about yourself.” Vika’s voice was trembling. “You suck!”

She was still probing the low life form annihilator in her pocket, wondering if it would work on a creature that wasn’t a normal animal after all. She braced herself, waiting for the lion to charge at her.

Unexpectedly, Aslan lowered his head and slowly wagged his tail, looking humble and seemingly ashamed.

“I’m sorry that you feel that way, child,” he spoke quietly. “I do much more than just stand there, but perhaps you do not notice that. Many years ago, your people were on the verge of death at each others’ hands. I sent my servants, a group of creatures from the planet Earth, led by a man named Alexei Men, who traveled to your planet and saved you from yourselves.”

“Yes, yes, the Ancient Ones, I know, I’ve studied history,” Vika said impatiently. “But that’s exactly what I mean. That’s so like you. You do a few things here and there, but meanwhile, people die all the time, and you don’t care!”

“How do you know that I don’t care?” Aslan asked.

“Because if you did, you’d come and fix all that!” Vika blurted out angrily.

“Fix what?” Aslan asked.

“Are you stupid or something?” Vika fumed. “Fix everything! People are dying, do you hear me? If you are so powerful, come and help!”

“But you never ask for my help,” Aslan said. “You, the inhabitants of the planet Voznesenye, have the tendency of solving problems on your own. You have invented molecular transportation, advanced cloning, time travel, energy transformation, and plenty more. You are the masters of the cosmos, the rulers of all sentient creatures – those few that still exist, that is. You have reached the highest peak of all civilizations ever known. So why are you still unhappy?”

Vika was silent. Around her, the trees were whispering to each other, their foliage swooshing in the fresh air. Tiny creatures flocked together, hiding behind the trunks and listening to the strange conversation with fearful deference.

It took Vika less than a minute to make a decision. With a swift movement of a finger tube, she changed the setting of her weapon from annihilate to tame. She shot through the pocket, without bothering to aim – the lion was a big enough target. The nano-bullet hit Aslan square in the forehead.

She looked at him, chuckled, and spoke with quiet contempt:

“You’re coming with me, kitty.”



Excerpts from the diary of Viktoria Valentinovna Kxrxmzv, Neosiberian Confederation, planet Voznesenye, year 2977 CE, 5133 HCE (Human Common Era).

December 24

Tonight is an old holiday we’ve inherited from the Ancient Ones. We eat roasted cobalt, sing songs, and switch our metabolism cycle to upgraded oxidative phosphorylation for the winter.

I have miniaturized Aslan and hidden him in my underwear dispenser. Nobody knows he is here. Nobody knows what we’ve been doing.

I had to do what I did. Aslan is the most powerful being in the universe, and having him just lie on the grass is a colossal waste. I’m trying to do some good. Whoever reads this, don’t judge me. I’m only 273 years old, okay?

Besides, we are doing fine. I didn’t expect the taming to work, but it did. Aslan follows my orders now. The first thing we did was stop the war between New Ukraine and Mensk. Aslan hypnotized the leaders of both countries, and they signed a permanent peace agreement. That’s it, the war is over. I brought peace to our planet. If that’s not awesome, then what is?

I knew I did the right thing. And no classes tomorrow!


December 26

There is one tiny problem. This morning the Grand Duke of Mensk lost his middle shoe and converted the teeth of his New Ukrainian chambermaid into gaseous state by way of punishment. In response, the President of New Ukraine caressed the buttocks of the Menskian Ambassador, killing him instantly. The war resumed with increased ferocity.


December 27

No need to panic. Aslan hypnotized the leaders again. I also had him revive all those who’d been killed in the war.

Now I’m thinking that it’s unfair to those who died in molecular transporter accidents, or because someone decomposed their vital organs by mistake.

Also, those who died from diseases… No matter how advanced our medical science is, those new diseases keep appearing for some reason. I want to see my Aunt Nadya again…

Come to think of it, why should people die in the first place?


December 31

Mensk and New Ukraine are fighting again. According to a Menskian news hologram, New Ukrainians provoked the war by coloring their kidneys purple during their weekly Independence Day parade. “That is extremely offensive to the memory of my late grandmother, who was knitting me a sweater of that exact color when she was gunned down by New Ukrainian fanatics eighty-seven years ago,” stated the Marshal of Menskian Defense Forces (MDF), and proceeded to position 4127 armored energy hovertanks on the state border. In response, a senior New Ukrainian official called the Menskian government a “breeding institution for vicious racism”. Several Menskian tourists were brutally murdered on the streets of New Ukrainian cities. “They looked too freaking dumb with those funny big foreheads of theirs,” a carpenter from Magnetic Lviv explained. “We just had to off them.”


December 33

I told Aslan to resurrect everyone. Every single Voz who has ever lived and died. I’m still hesitating about other races. After all, we wouldn’t want to populate our universe with savages.


December 47

The atmosphere at home is getting worse and worse. Dad intercepted a nano-love letter sent to Gug by some guy named Dmitry. There was a huge scandal. Apparently, Dmitry and his wife are in love with Gug and want it to complete their triad. I ordered Aslan to teleport them to the South Pole. Then there was an even bigger scandal, because it turned out that Gug was in love with Dmitry as well and planned divorcing Dad and Mom. I wanted to order Aslan to force Gug love the rest of my parents, but that just didn’t feel right. I don’t know why, it just didn’t. I’m devastated…

Uncle Alex visited us. He told me he was grateful for the incredible miracle, having Aunt Nadya come back to him. Grateful? Did he suspect that I had something to do with that? Anyhow, I was touched. I had tears in my eyes. Then he said he hoped they would die together.  I hinted to him that maybe they wouldn’t die at all. Maybe nobody would. His faces turned blue and he said that he couldn’t even imagine a more horrible fate. He said something very strange. He said that in order for us to become immortal, we have to stop being us. I totally didn’t get it. Uncle Alex is a sweetheart, but he can be so weird sometimes.


Undecember 1

Back to school. I finally dared to look in the mirror in the morning. Just what I thought, the right side of my left face is all puffy and green. I told Aslan to fix that. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to get myself to go to school.

I actually told him to make me look like Angelika Jly. Why not?

The streets are full of people. There are way too many of them. That was to be expected, since we’ve resurrected every single Voz in history. Strangely, not everyone is happy with that. Several husbands filed petitions to their governments, saying that they prefer their wives and bives to stay dead. Some of the worst criminals of our history are back, so the rate of violent deaths has increased dramatically. Overpopulation has created a lot of new problems as well.

I told Aslan to eliminate poverty and satisfy the material needs of every citizen automatically. That’s it, that’s the solution. Why go for half-measures, we need the cure to be radical.


Undecember 19

Nobody works anymore.

Everything has stopped. Nobody does anything, because there is no need. People are terribly bored. Sexual orgies – sixsomes, twelvesomes – are practiced openly, in plain sight. The overall carelessness causes unbelievable amounts of accidents of all sorts. Suicide rate has just gone up by 250%.

Our family is ruined. Gug left to the South Pole. Dad started drinking way too much benzene. Mom goes to see some kind of a “spiritual teacher” every day, who keeps telling her that this world actually doesn’t exist, and all troubles come from caring. What a load of quartz baloney. I feel like everything is falling apart.

I told Aslan to fix that.


Undecember 27

Dad doesn’t drink anymore, Mom stays at home and takes care of us, and Gug is back. I had to bring it back, I can’t accept it being together with some strangers. I told Aslan to make my parents fully obey my orders. That’s the only way! How else could I have saved my family?..


Duodecember 2

Since Menskians and New Ukrainians are killing each other faster than Aslan manages to resurrect them, I eliminated all the states on the planet Voznesenye. It is now officially united as the Viktorian Empire, ruled by the only person here who is actually doing something! All expressions of nationalism are strictly forbidden; punishment is death without subsequent resurrection. Enough is enough.


Duodecember 50

Now people are into all sorts of religions. I forbade all religions. Then men started fighting women, until bomen came and trashed both of them. I almost told Aslan to pulverize all my subjects.

Why can’t those bloody idiots just get along?!..


January 7

No matter what I do, it just keeps getting worse. Am I cursed? Are we cursed?


January 22

I hate it how my parents do whatever I tell them, but they make those horrible grimaces! And they cry! Whenever I’m not there, they cry like babies.  Disgusting! They think I don’t know that. Ha! I know everything now – Aslan made me so.

I told Aslan to make them stop crying. They’ve stopped. Now they have pitiful, suffering faces. I hate that! That makes me feel bad! Stop it! Stop it!!..


February 14

I spent those days feeling awful about myself.

I’ve turned into a gruesome, murderous tyrant who uses brute force and the coarsest forms of coercion at the slightest provocation.

I’ve become the kind of person I’d always hated.

At first I wanted to tell Aslan to simply make me stop feeling bad. But I knew that wasn’t the right solution.

Then, suddenly, it hit me.

Why hadn’t I thought of this before?

I told Aslan to make everyone happy.

That’s it. That’s the only order I should have ever given him. It’s so simple!

But Aslan said he couldn’t do that.



“What do you mean you can’t?” Vika thought she’d heard wrong. “How… how is that possible? You must do what I say. I’ve tamed you!”

Aslan looked at her earnestly and shook his great head.

“I’m afraid I was somewhat misleading you, my child,” he said. “Do you really think such a gadget would work on me? I willingly fulfilled all your wishes. You see, I’m not a tame lion.”

Vika gazed at him, all her eyes wide open.

“So…” she spoke slowly. “You knew beforehand that everything would go down this way. And you were just… amusing yourself when I was trying to help everyone, knowing that I would fail? You were just mocking a stupid child until her feeble brains finally realized she just needed to ask for happiness – and then refused that one request to punish her? How… how could you be so cruel?”

“I’m not cruel, my child,” Aslan said quickly, looking at her with sad eyes. “I haven’t fulfilled this final request only because I’m truly incapable of doing so.”

“Incapable? But you’re omnipotent, aren’t you?” Vika mumbled angrily.

“Omnipotent, yes,” Aslan said patiently, “but not absurd. I can’t do impossible things. I can’t make a square circle. I can’t create a stone I’d be unable to move. I can’t stop being Aslan. And I can’t make you happy. Not now. Not like this.”

“Don’t play mind games with me!” Vika cried bitterly. “The first three are logical contradictions. How are they similar to what I asked you to do?..”

“They are quite similar,” Aslan said. “I can’t make you happy because you are what you are. And as long as you stay that way, you will never be able to be truly happy. Making you happy now would be the same as making a circle square and still hoping it would remain a circle.”

“Bullshit!” Vika shouted, using her favorite expletive from the books of the Ancient Ones. “If you wanted to, you could just make us feel the happiness. We can be happy. Sometimes. There is no logical contradiction in that. All I’m asking you is to make that permanent!”

“But if I make you permanently happy you won’t be yourselves anymore,” Aslan said quietly. “You are defined by the kind of happiness that is hard-earned. The kind that comes, if at all, after tears and screams of pain, and doesn’t last long. The kind that is illuminated by real love and self-sacrifice, which are so precious because they are so rare. The kind that is impossible if you keep loving your own selves more than anything else in the world. And, above all, the kind that each one of you can choose freely, working for it and creating it rather than getting it as a gift. Answer me this: do you want to be free creatures in my own image, or helpless, pre-programmed marionettes that I’m pulling by the strings?”

Tears were flowing down Vika’s cheeks.

“So,” she said, sniffling loudly. “We’ll never… ever… ever… be happy?”

“I didn’t say that,” Aslan said, caressing Vika’s shoulder with his powerful paw. “Maybe you’ll be able to change and become… slightly different. There is time. There is chance. There is choice. And there is me.”

She hugged the lion and held him tight, her abundant tears moistening Aslan’s beautiful mane.

“Aslan,” she sobbed. “Aslan! Will you… will you help?”

He purred like a gigantic cat, his bristly whiskers tickling her faces. She looked into his large green eyes and smiled, and he smiled back.

“Of course I’ll help,” he said. “That’s why I’m always around.”



© Copyright 2019 Oleg Roschin. All rights reserved.

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