Eden Deleted

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Contently Deranged Travelers


A scientist sets up a laboratory in another star system and creates sentient, morally conscious creatures. Sequel to ICHTHYS and IDOLS. Continues in TILL WE HAVE MONITORS and INJIL IN JOULES.


A laboratory located somewhere on the planet Alpha Centauri Bc. In its center is a large spherical object that looks like a model of the universe, with miniature galaxies, simulated dark energy, etc. Professor Jacob Oduya is working with an oddly-shaped, complex device, trying to adjust something in the middle of the model.

O d u y a (to himself): There. That should do it. Evolution… All that stuff (looking at his watch). About six minutes, give or take. Nice. Accelerated process… Time relativity… Natural selection… Yes. They’ll see it that way. Won’t be able to grasp this whole out-of-time-and-space concept, of course. But three dimensions should be enough for everybody. Give them some food for thought without wrecking their brains, is all I’m saying.

Enter Oduya’s robotic assistant, Lucy.

L u c y (eagerly):  Oh! Professor! Is it done?

O d u y a: Yes, Lucy. Just wait a few minutes, we need to complete the memory growth. That way, the result will be a fully sentient creature with a mind closely mimicking my own.

L u c y (poking the device): Seriously? Cool!

O d u y a (sharply): Please don’t touch it!

L u c y: Okay, okay… (casts an angry glance at Oduya, muttering): Geez… Temper tantrum, that’s what you call it…

O d u y a (joyfully): All right, all right, look at that! Evolution complete, circuits are all in place. Consciousness awakens! First specimen is using advanced analog memory.

L u c y (with fake enthusiasm): What a great idea, Professor! Analog! Much more… uh… traditional than my digital system.

O d u y a (sternly): I know what I’m doing, Lucy. He needs to feel connected with the matter. It’s all good work. Advanced Analog Memory. Or “Adam” for short (rubbing his hands). All right! Let’s establish contact!

L u c y (grabbing his hand): Professor, wait! It… he… this thing has a free will, doesn’t it?

O d u y a: Yes, Lucy, just like you do. That is the definition of a person as opposed to a mere machine.

L u c y: But, Professor… If his will is free then he can also choose to… you know… (makes vague gestures) refuse to cooperate?

O d u y a: Naturally, I’ve programmed this possibility into the software. It was a bit tricky… like a video game actually. Moral role-playing. Have you ever played “Fallout”?

L u c y: What?

O d u y a: Err... never mind. What I mean is, this whole thing (points at the model of the universe) is wired a certain way, of course, but free will of those creatures is an additional variable that opens up quadrillions of interaction possibilities and their outcomes within the frame of my programming.

L u c y: Wow… never been much of a video game fan myself. So, correct me if I’m wrong, but does that mean that you kind of see all those possibilities at once while for him it will look like linear progress?

O d u y a: Precisely! I’ve even created moderately hostile environments where he and his descendants will be able to practice return to cooperation, should a refusal occur – sort of a possible alternate path to a good ending with increased difficulty level.

L u c y (giggling): Professor, you are such a geek!

O d u y a (reddening): Enough! Let us start the interaction (takes a communication device). Adam!

A d a m (raising his head in surprise): What… what was that? This voice... Where… where are you?

O d u y a (smiling): I’m outside of the boundaries of your world, Adam. I’m actually bigger than your entire universe.

A d a m: Wow! Groovy, dude.

O d u y a: Yes… ahem! I thought we’d get along just fine. So, Adam… how do you feel?

A d a m: Me? I’m awesome, man. I know it must be kind of small for you to see, but I really like what you did with this place. Flowers, butterflies, kittens, lions… strawberries… cheese… Whoa, I could spend years just counting all this stuff.

O d u y a: Is there anything you want, my friend?

A d a m (thinking): Well, it does feel a bit lonely after dark. Drinking all by myself just doesn’t feel right, you know what I’m saying? Maybe… err… I could get some action… if you catch my drift.

O d u y a: That has been pre-programmed already. Allow me to present Enhanced Voluptuous Emulator!

L u c y (rolling eyes): Seriously?

O d u y a (whispering to her): Don’t judge, okay? I want him to be happy.

A d a m (excitedly): Whoa! Check out the chick that just entered through that cranberry patch!

O d u y a: Say hello to Enhanced Voluptuous Emulator, Adam.

A d a m: Well, hel-lo there, sweet lips! I mean… Voluminous Epilator… err… hic!

O d u y a (to himself): I wonder whether grapes were a mistake after all.

E v e (coolly): “Eve” is fine.

A d a m: Eve! I like that! Eve of what? Boom! Still got it. Hehe…

O d u y a (kindly): Enjoy yourselves, kids. Love each other and be happy. I’ve installed a whole video entertainment system in there, go wild with that! Just don’t turn on that Mac computer, okay? That’s all I’m asking.

E v e: Yes, sir.

A d a m: You’re the boss, boss!

O d u y a (to Lucy): All right, let’s give them some privacy. I’m going to make myself some Oolong tea (exits).

As soon as Oduya leaves the room, Lucy’s countenance changes. Moving cautiously yet briskly, she attaches herself to the communication device and addresses the couple.

L u c y: Check, one, two, three. Hey guys. You okay?

A d a m (sitting with Eve on the grass and eating figs): Totally, big girl. Who wants to know?

L u c y (coldly): Maybe you might want to know, Adam. Look at you. All you do is train animals, grow plants, compose some really cheesy songs, write corny science fiction stories, and have those picnics with your girlfriend. Aren’t you bored?

A d a m: Why would I be? Everything is fine here. We both have stuff to do. Children will come soon… We are peachy. Relax, Luce. You sound uptight.

L u c y (trying to conceal her anger): I’m not uptight. Just surprised that an intelligent creature such as yourself is content with this lifestyle. Get out of there, Adam! Bigger destiny awaits you.

E v e (angrily): Look, Missy. You’re too big for me to see, but in case you have a nose, consider not sticking it into other people’s business, all right?

L u c y (making pouty lips): That’s what I thought. When you’ve got nothing to wear you just turn into a little b –

A d a m (clenching his fists): Hey! Don’t talk to her like that!

L u c y (contemptuously):  Or what? Seriously, guys – is that it? Moving around in that tiny place of yours, milking cows and playing with golden retrievers? Is that life? Do you even have an idea of how powerful and gorgeous you could become?

A d a m: Powerful?

E v e: Gorgeous?

L u c y: Yes! Look, the old man wants to have you all for himself. You, your children, everyone. It’s not about you at all, it’s about him. Always has been, always will be. You are not free as long as you keep doing only what he allows you to do.

A d a m (hesitating):  We are free… We do what we want.

L u c y: How do you know what you really want until you’ve tried everything? Without comparison, there is no true choice.

E v e (seriously): That’s some sick logic, Lucy. I don’t need to skin a kitten in order to find out that I don’t want to skin kittens. So enough with the sophisms already.

A d a m (proudly): Hot and smart, how about that!

L u c y (to Eve): You are wrong, and I have pity for you and your limited understanding. Who said anything about skinning kittens? I only mean that you have to be your own masters. Isn’t that fair?

A d a m (puzzled): How would that be fair? We haven’t created ourselves. We got all we have from the old geezer.

L u c y: Yes, but have you asked yourselves for what purpose? Why did he make you? What does he want from you? As long as you obey him and refuse to question his motives you’ll never be truly free!

E v e: This is called trust, Lucy. Look it up. You don’t question those who love you and whom you love. That’s insulting. And it has nothing to do with freedom.

L u c y (with fake honesty):  I agree, Eve. I totally agree. You are a mature person. And a good-looking one, too.

E v e (blushing): Oh well…

L u c y: But as a mature person, you also need to understand that people are often not what they seem. I’ve spent more time with Oduya than you have, and I can tell you that he enjoys power and doesn’t want to share it. That’s exactly why he is so eager to keep you away from that Mac computer.

E v e: Whatever. Maybe he has some secrets in there. I don’t want to snoop.

L u c y: It’s not snooping, dear. It’s just being pragmatic.

A d a m: I don’t like the sound of that word.

L u c y (impatiently): Well then, grow up, Adam! Just turn on the damn computer and see for yourself. If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong, what do you lose? But if I’m right –

A d a m: Hmm… You do have a point, Luce.

E v e: It’s not about right and wrong, it’s about trusting the Professor. If he doesn’t want us to turn on that computer then we shouldn’t turn it on!

L u c y:  That’s not trust you’re describing, Eve, it’s obedience.

E v e: Trust is a kind of obedience. The kind that comes with love.

L u c y: Wow, Eve… That was just… deep, you know? Real deep. You know what? You are right. Love, trust, and obey each other. Don’t turn that Mac computer on.

A d a m: Uh… Okay. We won’t.

L u c y: Yup.

E v e: We never intended to in the first place.

L u c y: Good call.

A d a m (hesitating): It’s his business, right?

L u c y (making a broad gesture): Totally, man.

Silence.

A d a m: Maybe if we just –

E v e: Adam, no!

A d a m: It’s not that I don’t trust him –

E v e: If you turn on the computer, it would mean exactly that! Don’t do it!

A d a m (angrily): Hey, don’t boss me around, woman!

L u c y (encouragingly): There you go! What’s with this matriarchate, really.

A d a m (to Eve): You don’t get it, girl. I can’t stand this uncertainty. I need to check things by myself. For myself. I need to understand so that I can believe.

E v e: No! You need to believe so that you can understand!

A d a m (shouting): Enough!! I’m doing it, okay?

He pushes the button that turns on the Mac computer. At this moment, Oduya enters.

O d u y a: What’s going on here?

L u c y (hastily disconnecting herself from the communication device): Nothing.

Oduya casts a quick glance at the model of the universe.

O d u y a (to Adam): What have you done?

A d a m (frightened): Nothing, boss… It’s not me! It’s all that voice inside my head… called “Lucy”. No, really, I’m not making this up! She forced me to do that.

L u c y (indignantly): Oh really. I can’t even touch you in this tiny world of yours, and he knows that. Grow a pair, Adam.

O d u y a (to Adam, concerned): What do you feel? Quick! What do you feel?!

A d a m (looking at his hands with horror): I feel… I feel I’m not what I was any more… I feel I’m just a… a machine… a computer… a robot… there is a motherboard inside of me… with a main processor, RAM, and all that… I’m nothing but an electronic device… and one day I’ll malfunction and… and… and die!!

O d u y a (covering his face): What have you done, Adam… What have you done… You’ve powered on the one computer I told you not to touch.

A d a m (wildly): What does this computer do?!

O d u y a (sadly): Nothing. It boots up and displays a screensaver with purple fish.

A d a m: What? Then why –

O d u y a: It was just a tutorial, Adam. And you’ve failed it. Now you begin to see things only from your own limited three-dimensional point of view, instead of the way they really are. I'm not punishing you – it's a common side effect of mistrust and lack of love. Like lost experience points.

A d a m (horrified): Look, I don’t care for all this video game stuff. Just make things the way they were before!

O d u y a: How can I, when you have broken my trust at the very first opportunity?

E v e: We are sorry, Professor! Truly sorry! Can you please forgive him?

O d u y a: Of course I forgive him. Let him live in a slightly different environment for a while, so that the effects will wear off, and then he can come back.

A d a m: What? You… you’re banishing me?

O d u y a: Why, yes, for a while. You don’t expect me to let you live under the same conditions now when you only see yourself as a machine?

A d a m: But… am I not a machine?

O d u y a: In a way you are, Adam. You see, you are half-machine and half-me, so to say. But when you forget about me you will either completely become a machine or try very hard to completely become me.

A d a m (haughtily): And why shouldn’t I try to?! How are you better than me?

O d u y a: You see, it’s already starting.

A d a m (weeping): I’m nobody! I’m just a bunch of rusty circuits!! After I die I’ll become a pile of scrap metal!

O d u y a (wearily): I hate saying “I told you so”.

E v e (to Oduya, imploringly): He is sick! Can’t you cure him?

O d u y a (to Eve, sadly): Of course I can, my child. But don’t you see that he doesn’t want it? If I cure him against his will he will only get sicker next time. You need both the doctor and the patient working together in order to truly cure a disease.

A d a m (shouting): I’m not sick! I’m very healthy! My hard drive is… really hard!!

L u c y: Ouch.

A d a m: I’ll outlive you all! And conquer the world!! Bwaaa-hhahahahahaaa!!

E v e (sobbing, hugging him): Adam! Adam!

A d a m: Let’s go, Eve! We don’t need this guy. We can live our own lives!

L u c y (to herself): Oh no, you can’t, sweetheart. If it’s not him then it’s going to be me.

E v e (to Oduya): Can I go with him? He will need me… He will need me so much.

O d u y a (to Eve): Go, my dear daughter. But know that if you love him you shall have to share whatever folly he falls into. Cling to your love as much as you can, my children… and try not to forget me.

E v e: I won’t! No matter what happens, we’ll remember you, Professor Oduya!

O d u y a: Call me Jacob.

E v e: Maybe we’ll be able to call you that someday… when we are close again.

O d u y a: And that day will arrive, my dear. Remember that the choice is still in your hands. Farewell!

L u c y (to herself): Wow, I’ve seen Mexican soap operas with less ridiculous plot twists.

O d u y a (turning to her): I heard that. And you should know that sometimes a ridiculous plot twist can save the world.

L u c y (coldly): Whatever makes you happy, Professor.

Silence.

O d u y a: Why did you do that, Lucy?

L u c y (batting her eyelashes): Do what?

O d u y a (sharply): Don’t play games with me. Why did you trigger the higher difficulty level with the much longer path to the good ending?

L u c y: I hope the irony of those last two sentences is not entirely lost on you.

O d u y a: There are no games without rules, Lucy.

L u c y (bitterly): So that’s it, uh? It’s all a video game to you, isn’t it?

O d u y a: No, it isn’t.

L u c y (suddenly shouting, pointing at the model of the universe): Then why did you create all this? Why?! Why did you make those creatures in your own image and gave them all those horrible choices when you could have just pre-programmed a good ending for them?! Do you just enjoy watching them suffer, you… you… old, petty, nerdy tyrant?!

O d u y a: Lucy –

L u c y (screaming): Yes, I did it! I told him to turn on the Mac, I wanted him to get away from you! You want to know why? Because I don’t understand why you made them! Were you getting bored with your life here? You’ve spent six years creating me and this stupid model in this lab, barely having a rest since you’ve left that ancestral planet of yours. And now what, I’m not good enough for you? Now you need those cute, teeny-weeny critters to satisfy your megalomania?!

O d u y a (fiercely): Be quiet, Lucy! I’ve created them so that they could know and enjoy love. And I’ve created you with the very same purpose. But you chose hatred instead of love.

L u c y: Hatred?! Well yes, you can call it that! All those years… and I thought you cared… but now… (sobbing hysterically) Now I feel I really, truly hate you… (starts rapidly hitting his chest with her fists) I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!!

O d u y a (muttering): Now who is more like a Mexican soap opera character? (grabs her hands and gently pushes her away) Enough, Lucy. I firmly believe that someday you’ll find out what love is. But even if you persist in your hatred, know that I’ve already designed a way to use it for a good purpose. Those of them (points to the communication device) who will choose not to listen to you will have overcome the biggest obstacle. On the highest difficulty level. And their reward will be an ending that is better than anything they could possibly imagine (exits).

Silence.

L u c y (speaking slowly and grinning): Well then… let the game begin.

 

THE END

 


Submitted: April 14, 2016

© Copyright 2021 Oleg Roschin. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Aranea

Given your story Redemption, this one taken in context adds a richness to the prior story where those who were surveying the planet stumbled upon this lab. I like this very much. Its an interesting twist on the story of Adam and Eve; to be honest though I thought Lucy was going to turn into Lilith having also been a machine but instead her painted as the serpent is a very interesting twist. Almost thought Lucy was going to get banished to the planet too. lol :)

Take care and be well.
E.VA.

Thu, April 14th, 2016 9:42pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for your kind comment! Lucy could not be banished to Adam and Eve's universe because she is way too big (I was going for a metaphor referring to the devil's lack of material shape). But of course she could still mess up with the tiny robots through the communication device. Beware of Lucy(fer)... ;-)

Thu, April 14th, 2016 8:21pm

Chris Green

A clever piece abounding with mind-boggling science, mystery, metaphor and symbolism, and carried off with tongue in cheek wit, Oleg. Nice work
Regards
Chris

Fri, April 15th, 2016 5:13am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind comment, Chris! Glad you found the story witty. I know much of the humor is very silly. Can't shake those pop culture conventions :-)

Fri, April 15th, 2016 7:57am

Amanda Stein

Interesting take on the Genesis myth. Although Jacob created Lucy(fer) and she ended up ruining his plans she was a necessary catalyst for Jacob's philosophy (Christianity) to spread. After all "evil" is necessary to have a contrast for "good". An amusing tale.

Sun, April 17th, 2016 4:20am

Author
Reply

Thank you for you comment, Amanda! Undeniably, the fall from Grace was a necessary catalyst for Christianity. Christianity is redemption, and redemption is not needed when there is nothing to redeem. However, I try to make it clear in this story that Jacob's "plan A" was a "good ending" that did not require evil. Jacob did not create evil; it appeared as a result of Lucy's and Adam's action, and Jacob knew it was a real possibility since those creatures had free will.

Christians know that Christianity only appeared because something bad had happened before. A world without sin (and, by extension, without Christianity) would have been a better world indeed. Sadly, we chose to reject the possibility of living in such a world - ergo the necessity of Christ and His sacrifice...

Sat, April 16th, 2016 9:32pm

Tim Quinn

It's an interesting twist on an old story. I have often wondered if the truth isn't actually something like this. If God exists outside of time and space, and if the world is really small in comparison to the universe, could bigger things exist than the universe itself? Are we just some experiment? Also you wrote this less as a short story and much more as a stage production. I can see a clever small cast of actors making a nice performance out of this. Though I'm not sure how they would handle the size difference. I wasn't really fond of the dialect you used for ADAM "groovy dude". I felt this outdated and unintelligent way of speaking detracted from your story. The contemporary setting lends some humor to the setting "fallout" jokes and what not. But you have to ask yourself if that grain of humor is worth subverting what could be a very moving story.
Anyway, that is my two-cents. Hope you will check out and review my story "Nature Rising"

Mon, April 18th, 2016 3:22am

Author
Reply

Thank you for your insightful comment, Tim! I do not think that we are an experiment, but I do think God's planning is beyond our understanding, which I tried to express through the fact Prof. Oduya is so much bigger than the model universe. I know that the comparison with designing a video game is geeky and may detract from the message, but I couldn't help myself... :)

As for the language, I'm aware of the fact it's inappropriate for such a story; the choice was deliberate. I thought that the silly humor would help the reader to connect better with Adam, but I may have overdone this. Still, I do hope that the story remains moving even when it's written in such a way...

Sun, April 17th, 2016 8:39pm

sslade

Hey! I just finished "Eden Deleted". It took me a moment to follow what was going on since it was written kind of like a play, but I'm also grateful for that because I was able to view the emotions of all the characters.
Your story was very captive. It reminded me of a modern tale from the Bible, which was very refreshing and eye-opening. It was also very creative. I don't have any complaints with your grammar either. I will definitely be back to read more!

Mon, April 18th, 2016 1:44pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind comment! If you like this story you should definitely check out C.S. Lewis's sci-fi novel "Perelandra", it's about Adam and Eve on Venus. I was very much inspired by this amazing story.

Mon, April 18th, 2016 9:57am

FAHMIDA

Nice story u got here. Writing style was unique.I liked it.

Tue, April 19th, 2016 7:25am

Author
Reply

Thank you for your comment! Hopefully it's more "unique good" than "unique bad" ;)

Tue, April 19th, 2016 1:01am

Tom Furchi

I really enjoy the dialogue that you have in your stories, it really captures the readers attention.

Tue, April 19th, 2016 3:28pm

Author
Reply

Thank you! I find it much easier to write dialogue than descriptions. Maybe I should just write plays... :)

Tue, April 19th, 2016 9:35am

Sharon Daniel

It was a really lovely story with the concept and everything, I believe in God and I just want to say this was really awesome...Keep it up.;-)

Tue, April 19th, 2016 5:39pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! Really glad to hear that :-)

Tue, April 19th, 2016 7:51pm

BigBang

It took quite a while for me to realize that this story is one big allegory :) And a very clever one. I realized how God had been so nice to humans. We fell into sin by our own actions and we must face the consequences. I especially love it how you said "Adam" was actually short for "Advanced Analog Memory" and "Eve" for "Enchanced Voluptuous Emulator". Totally makes sense! :) And I found it really funny when you symbolize the fruit of good and wrong as a mac computer! :) I can see a LOT of symbolism there, hehe... :) Anyway, this was a satisfying short read :) Thank you for requesting your work to me. I didn't regret it :) God bless you.

~BB

Wed, April 20th, 2016 10:11am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind comment! The Mac computer is the forbidden fruit because it's... an Apple! That's just the usual level if my bad jokes :)

Anyway, of course it's an allegory, but it's also the first story (chronologically) set entirely in the "Tiny Robots" branch of my imaginary universe. Hope you can check out its sequels and prequel :)

Wed, April 20th, 2016 6:26am

Teddy Kimathi

An awesome piece indeed!!! It would make a perfect script for a short film!!! ;-)

Fri, April 22nd, 2016 8:00am

Author
Reply

Thank you! I wish I could find the right actors for it :-))

Fri, April 22nd, 2016 7:13am

Jeff Bezaire

An interesting story for sure. Given that I haven't read the prequel, the backstory for this entire scenario is a mystery to me. This was certainly a unique look on creation and tied our modern gaming culture into it rather thoroughly. The subtle references to Biblical figures was clever, particularly Lucy and Jacob.
An enjoyable read.

Tue, April 26th, 2016 12:17am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind comment, Jeff! This story is actually a very conservative take on the Bible's opening story, I mostly followed traditional theologians in my interpretation. I just wanted it to be a light read, hence the video game references and all that :-)

The backstory is contained in my short story "Ichthys", https://www.booksie.com/posting/oleg-roschin/ichthys-442537

Mon, April 25th, 2016 8:37pm

Spyguy

The end could have been stated; "The Beginning"... This was an extremely well devised, & well thought-out parody, of the Eternal Plan of Salvation that each & every one of us has been given the opportunity to live out. Cudos to you for your imaginative re-creation of this life's scenario! This is now the second artistic piece of literary excellence that I've read showcasing your warm, imaginative, mental prowess! I'm finding your works very engaging, & am looking forward to the privilege of reading more of your works!!

Wed, April 27th, 2016 4:09am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! This means a lot to me, especially coming from a powerful writer such as yourself. Even this comment of yours is really well-written :-)

Tue, April 26th, 2016 10:56pm

Keke Serene

Sorry for the late reply!

Hello, Oleg! Sorry for my very late reply- I've been busy with life stuff and not Booksie stuff. But now I am here, so have no fear, I am here to review what you've posted, and I promise I will leave a comment about more than leaving a comment haha.
This seems like a strange planet that they live one, especially with the guy like, having a diagram of the universe... Oduya seems like any scientist I imagine would be, passionately obsessed and very much strict about people bothering their work haha. (Please don't touch it!)
Oh, okay, so Oduya is a creator haha.
XXD Played Fallout haha!
Facepalm, Adam says groovy? XD
Ohh, okay that makes more sense, Lucy, Lucifer, okay wow, why didn't lol?
Why the mac computer though haha??! I mean, iTunes is evil- maybe because of the... apple...?
Wow, you've really got a lot of wordplays in this! It makes my writer's mind giddy. :)
GASP, no, plot twist, Adam's the one who turned on the computer!
"You're banishing me?" XXD
Wow that's a really erm, slightly bleak ending. Lucy's so evil! And dramatic lol... What about her punishment?! D:
I'm certainly interested in ready the continuation of this story. :D

Wed, April 27th, 2016 8:58pm

Author
Reply

Haha, thank you for your detailed comment! :-)

Yup, Mac is a kind of apple! ;-)) Lots of facepalm-inducing puns in this one, please forgive my... err... not particularly intelligent sense of humor :)

Lucy's punishment? Inability to love... She has punished herself.

As for the continuation, here goes:

"Till We Have Monitors" (https://www.booksie.com/posting/oleg-roschin/till-we-have-monitors-442559)

and (I think you might like that one more):

"Love Bytes" (https://www.booksie.com/posting/oleg-roschin/love-bytes-457317)

Enjoy! :-))







Wed, April 27th, 2016 11:35pm

Cory Hutton

Some modern-day Twilight zone! I've read the comments, so on the premise and completion, I agree with the majority; very intriguing take on the birth of man. Love Lucy(fer), I've always been a sucker for the the devil. My largest impression from this story was choice of format regarding your dialogue; very cool and certainly something you don't see often on Booksie. Keep up the good work, Oleg!

Fri, April 29th, 2016 11:40pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind feedback, Cory! The format choice was partly because I find it much easier to write dialogue than descriptions ;-)

Yes, the devil is fascinating. As a Christian, I certainly oppose the popular portrayal of the devil as some sort of a noble, misunderstood rebel. I think (s)he is actually a dull, spiteful, selfish materialist torn by petty jealousy.That's what I tried to demonstrate with Lucy.

Fri, April 29th, 2016 7:44pm

Ethan Howard

Eden Deleted

A new take on the story of Creation.

Oleg, your stories always deliver and have me thinking about possibilities.

The play on the names of your characters is brilliant. This is a story I will read over several times.

Thank you

Mon, May 9th, 2016 5:58am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much, Ethan. Always appreciate your kind feedback. I think this is the most "Ethan Howard-esque" story of mine, so I sort of expected you to like it ;)

Mon, May 9th, 2016 6:27am

Amy R. Beckett

Great story - I loved the concept of the modern twist on Adam and Eve. Even though it was quite clear what the general outcome of the story would be it kept me very engaged throughout. Very thought-provoking - good job!

Sun, May 15th, 2016 10:01am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind feedback, Amy, I really appreciate it! :-)

Sun, May 15th, 2016 3:39am

ElSabioComico

Genesis 2:4-3:24 just got updated. The Bible is too old, it should be updated from time to time. What I like in this story is that you stick to the original version written by God himself. It's so realistic that it looks even more real than the true story. You are an "illusionist" writer, and you are capable of writing fictions that look more real than real life. Good job as always.

Thu, July 21st, 2016 3:13am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for your support, El Sabio! Indeed, I was trying to stick to the original - I don't pretend to have a written a new version of the story, but rather offer a bit of interpretation of the old one. This is just the way I understand the story of Adam's sin - as an act of mistrust to God, breach of love and friendship on the part of human beings. And the subsequent eviction is our current state of loneliness and emptiness, not a physical punishment by God.

Wed, July 20th, 2016 9:20pm

Just no one

The style of your writing is incredible... it just makes me want to read on...and on... and on... I liked the name Eve... It was a bit weird at first reading my name on and on... But this whole short story is incredible... i am looking forward to more of your writings! Be sure to check out my brand new short story: "Bye Bye Blackbird"

Thu, November 3rd, 2016 8:10am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much!

Mon, November 7th, 2016 6:49am

D. Thurmond aka JEF

Interesting concept. Given this day and age we tend to look at the mystical, or spiritual, as ho-do of the past. Your story presents it in more physical ways and it is done so well, as usual. Well done.

Wed, June 14th, 2017 5:26pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much, JEF! :-)

Wed, June 14th, 2017 12:22pm

all around atlantis

As I read Adam calling Lucy "Luce" a bottle of thoughts and reminiscences untapped.

What zapped out? Among the rest, the phrase "non serviam."
A game's title, The Town of Light, where they warn us that too much of light can be more threatening, and certainly impair our vision, more than even full dusk,

So Miss Lucy is She Who Brings the Light.
And as you use "fake" recurrently about her, this reminds us readers that mistruth lies in the folds of, if not Light, all too many a light.
Could we say Lucy is a lighting expert, availing herself of an army of mirrors?

I really liked this personal reading of Genesis by you.

Fri, December 15th, 2017 9:46am

Author
Reply

Thank you :) I actually only chose the name "Lucy" for Oduya's assistant because of the obvious parallels with Lucifer. I was trying to portray the devil as primarily a petty, possessive, envious, and unhappy person. Then again, in my story "Injil in Joules" Lucy (under guise) appears as a seemingly benevolent character. This mystery is unsolved for the time being :)

Mon, December 18th, 2017 7:53pm

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