PC Game

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Contently Deranged Travelers


In the future, political correctness rules the unified West with an iron fist. Continues in SCARLET BEAST.


October 15th, 2082, Jerusalem, 57th State of the United States of Democratic West

 

“Please sit down, sir.”

“Okay.”

“Do you admit that today at exactly 2:35 pm you verbally sexually assaulted Ms. Rita Steinman?”

“What are you talking about? I just called her a foxy lady.”

“Kindly explain what you meant by that, sir.”

“I told the girl she was sexy. She likes it, by the way.”

“Do you have a liaison of a sexual nature with Ms. Steinman, sir?”

“That's none of your business! And no, not yet.”

“Addressing a person with whom you do not have a sexual liaison in a sexually suggestive way is classified as verbal sexual assault, sir.”

“Listen. I was telling a girl she was sexy. She liked that. What's your fucking problem?!”

“Sir, may I further refer to an incident that occurred two days prior to that?”

“What incident?”

“You ethnically discriminated Mr. Abdullah Olafssohn-Mizuyama.”

“How's that? I called him 'spaghetti master'. He's Italian, you know.”

“May I inquire about the precise usage of the aforementioned expression, sir?”

“What, spaghetti? They are those thin Italian noodles –”

“Excuse me, sir, but by degrading a person's identity to a status of an edible product you ethnically discriminate him as opposed to persons whose ethnical identity is valued higher on the scale of your culinary preferences.”

“Man, that's total bullshit!”

“Sir, the word 'bullshit', while referring to a by-product of a certain species of animals –”

“Cow crap! Bovine feces!! Excrements of Primigenius Taurus!!!”

“Please calm down, sir.”

“Calm down?! You basically said I was a sexual offender and a racist, for Chrissake!”

“Sir, did you just say 'for Chrissake'?”

“Yeah, so?”

“'For Chrissake' as in 'for the sake of a person historically known as Jesus Christ'?”

“So?”

“Sir, I'm obliged to remind you that my great-grandmother was of Satanist faith.”

“And?”

“She would have found the expression 'for Chrissake' offensive, sir.”

“Are you completely out of your mind?!!”

“Sir, may I remind you that my uncle's wife is of a mixed Zulu and Inuit heritage.”

“...”

“Implying that her relative is not in a sane condition is considered a grave offense among people of her culture, sir.”

“Can I have your gun?”

“Sir?”

“I wanna shoot myself.”

“Sir, mentioning a suicide might be considered offensive to a person who is alive.”

 

***

 

I went home. I turned on my computer. Video games were officially forbidden in USDW. It had started slowly. I mean, in most video games you kill people. As soon as a video game was released, representatives of the ethnic-religious-whatever group whose virtual members were virtually shot in that game started a scandal that was bound to end in that game’s retraction from all the shops. The Society for Protection of Non-Existent Fantasy Creatures demanded an investigation when they learned that in the game Elder Scrolls VIII: We Ran Out Of Bland Names the protagonist was required to kill cat-like creatures called “khajiit”. The Society for Mutual Understanding With The Caliphate further protested by saying that the word “khajiit” sounds Arabic, therefore offending citizens of the Caliphate by equating them with felines. In the year 2067, President Jack Thompson Jr. outlawed video games completely. “Violent video games are offensive to those who prefer violence in real life,” the President explained.

Still, plenty of games were developed and distributed illegally. I popped in my copy of GTA Online: Do Whatever the Fuck You Want. It took me just a couple of seconds to connect to the server. I proudly drove through the virtual Jerusalem with a sub-machine gun sticking out of the car window. My fingers ached when I activated the chat feature and began typing feverishly:

“BITCHES! FAGGOTS! NIGGERS! KIKES! I WANT MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH BAAAAAAACK!!!!”

 

THE END


Submitted: June 11, 2015

© Copyright 2021 Oleg Roschin. All rights reserved.

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Comments

berktree

Oleg, I don't know how I missed this when you first posted it, but I am glad that I found it today. I really, really enjoyed this! It was clever and humorous, and I appreciated how the first half was composed only of dialogue. Excellent job on this!
-Berkley

Fri, June 12th, 2015 9:55pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for your kind comment! I'm publishing some older stuff of mine, this was written in 2009... Hope you can check out "A Christmas Story", that was the first piece of fiction I ever wrote in English (after 200+ video game reviews for Mobygames :))

Sat, June 13th, 2015 8:15pm

Whiskey Charlie

Ha. Ha. Absolutely on the mark, Oleg. Political correctness can actually be a threat to real livelihoods. When I was a child, circuses had side shows for human freaks, you know bearded ladies, hunchback men and so forth. Well, the powers that be decided such things were demeaning and banned the displays by law. In doing so, they threw hundreds of people out of work, odd and deformed people who had no chance at regular employment in society. Although based on good intentions, it was a very cruel thing to do, and the freaks complained long and loud, but their voices have been forgotten over the decades since.

Mon, June 15th, 2015 5:19am

Author
Reply

Thank you for your comment, Whiskey Charlie! Indeed, I see political correctness as a symptom of a much more dangerous tendency: the desire to erase unique traits (of individuals, ethnicities, creeds, etc.), artificial equalizing, elimination of distinctions.

Mon, June 15th, 2015 2:18am

mixtape02

I liked it. I like that you chose obviously unoffensive terms in the initial conversation to mean offensive ones according to the boss? Head of HR guy? Maybe if I had a suggestion you could put names there to specify who the people in the conversation are.

Also, at the end you say that the narrator wants his freedom of speech back, which is sent on a chat server, and I'm sure they wouldn't allow even cussing on a game called Elder Scrolls, which I know has ads online everywhere. So they'd probably be watching out for the children.

Also, a simple reply that another chat user in there would probably be "You can have your freedom of speech. That doesn't mean I'm not going to call you an asshole." LOL!

Sun, December 20th, 2015 9:47pm

Author
Reply

Haha, thanks for your comment :-) I wrote this story in early 2009 and I had no idea back then that it will be a part of a futuristic saga. Obviously it's all exaggerated in a humorous way, but back then I could barely fathom the absurdity and grotesque political correctness keeps turning into. Just recently I read than in some Swedish kindergarten boys are taught to pee while sitting because otherwise it would be offensive to the girls... I wish I were joking.

My short story "Scarlet Beast" explains who the protagonist of "PC Game" is, so read it if you are curious ;) The other person is just a policeman who is about to arrest our hapless hero trapped in a world where any opinion can be considered offensive...

Tue, December 22nd, 2015 7:25pm

Aranea

LOL! Absolutely hilarious. The social commentary exquisitely posed and comedic timed perfectly. Thank you for this piece. Its allowed me to laugh before grabbing my tea and sleeping. Funny the world we live in no? Freedom to be offended, but not to offend does not equate to Freedom of speech in worlds where Freedom means not to be free but to have the free another decrees for you. I love this work of yours. Keep writing!! I'm definitely adding you on my list of writers I enjoy.

Take care and be well.
E.VA

Mon, December 28th, 2015 10:49am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for your kind comment! Indeed, the world humorously described in this story turns out to be more scary than funny... and if you want to know more about the world the protagonist's son lives in, read the sequel to this story, "Scarlet Beast"...

Mon, December 28th, 2015 6:54pm

Sa.L.T

My God, amazing.
Sorry, is that offensive to any Christians out there?

Tue, February 23rd, 2016 5:22pm

Author
Reply

Haha, I'm Christian and I'm not offended... And the more we get offended by everything the more our lives will be like in this story! Let's have different views and let's stand for them.

Tue, February 23rd, 2016 10:11pm

Archia

I thought this was absolutely brilliant. It was funny and all the things you used that were seen as offensive was just great. I enjoyed the conversation at the beginning and how it managed to flow considering it was all conversation. I thought I'd get lost but it was easy to follow because the two characters were so distinct. This was just great all in all.

Thu, March 10th, 2016 11:08am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind comment, Archia! I'm glad you thought it was funny, the humor here may not be everyone's cup of tea...

Thu, March 10th, 2016 6:49am

hullabaloo22

Fantastic story. It's actually a little bit like that now -- be careful what you say or you may well offend someone. I could feel your character's frustration growing to epic proportions; what ever he said just got him in deeper.

Wed, April 27th, 2016 7:15pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for the kind comment! Even worse stuff happened to the protagonist's son in...

"Scarlet Beast" (https://www.booksie.com/posting/oleg-roschin/scarlet-beast-442564), one of my "main" stories.

Wed, April 27th, 2016 11:41pm

sslade

I really enjoyed this short story. It's kind of ironic, seeing how currently, we are dealing with issues of what is appropriate, what is freedom of speech, and what is offensive. It was enjoyable, comical, and something that could really happen in the future.

My fiance plays video games from time to time. Every now and then, I have to remind him that it's just a game because he will start cussing someone out on a game called Call of Duty. It's slightly funny, but sometimes it does, in my opinion, get a bit out of control.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed your short story and will definitely be reviewing more. :)

Sun, May 1st, 2016 7:06pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind comment! This kind of thing is, indeed, happening faster than we think... I hope you could check out my story "Scarlet Beast", it's a sequel to this one.

Sun, May 1st, 2016 8:00pm

D. Thurmond aka JEF

Ah, freedom of speech, the two edged sword. When the pendulum swings too far to one side it is bound to swing back, well, you just pointed out the other extreme in this story. Lapses in good judgement, in inappropriate settings, quite often results in violence; it used to be with fists, now it's guns, (In video games and), on the streets. ---

Wed, May 4th, 2016 4:52pm

Author
Reply

Exactly like that... Thank you for your feedback, JEF! :-)

Wed, May 4th, 2016 10:28am

Renard Sarcastique

A real fun piece that you've written! This ignorance we hold ourselves to get us as a society in trouble more times than we care to admit. Definitely a piece I'd come back to and read again :) Well done!

Fri, June 10th, 2016 12:42am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much for your kind feedback! :-)

Thu, June 9th, 2016 10:33pm

ElSabioComico

You wrote about something that bother many people. So many ways to express your ideas and opinions online with all the social medias like Facebook, Tweeter... and personal blogs. And still you can be accused of anything for writing or saying anything that can be wrongly interpretated. Freedom of speech is an universal concept of the "free and democratic" world. But what have we done with it!? We just censured it to keep under control people with "threatening" ideas for the established powers and values. So in the end we can't say out loud what we think deep inside. What can be done to end with this mess?

Mon, August 1st, 2016 5:05am

Author
Reply

That's exactly what I was trying to say in this story. Thank you for commenting, señor! :-)

Mon, August 1st, 2016 12:35am

Reagle

Hopefully this new pussified trend will die out, but until then we have satire like this to give voice to its absurdity. Some funny quotes in there that I'm jealous I didn't think of! Smart, professional execution, Oleg!

Thu, July 6th, 2017 9:05pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! Glad you liked it :-)

Thu, July 6th, 2017 9:39pm

Joseph Wilson

Sorry I know I'm late to this, but WOW is this more relevant now than when you first wrote it. Good work.

Sat, December 2nd, 2017 1:29pm

Author
Reply

I actually wrote it back in 2009... Yeah, I know, it's a bite scary ;) Thank you for your comment, Joseph!

Sun, December 3rd, 2017 10:37pm

Momina Khan

well written story, nice work. too adorable.. :D

Sat, January 20th, 2018 10:46am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! :)

Sat, January 20th, 2018 3:12am

Ech

WOooWOOWOwoo did you just say the NiGgeR word????? Sorry bro, but this is a ChRiStian server, so NO CUssING Br0

Wed, February 14th, 2018 4:16pm

Author
Reply

It's the first time I hear that Booksie is a Christian server :) And no, I didn't say anything, a character from my story used that word. It's not a call for using derogatory words, but a description of a person who had a hysterical fit, a radical reaction to mandatory, oppressive political correctness.

Wed, February 14th, 2018 10:47am

Renegade96

We should post this on Tumblr, sit back with some popcorn and enjoy the show

Fri, March 16th, 2018 3:03am

Author
Reply

That could work :) Thank you for reading and commenting :))

Thu, March 15th, 2018 11:31pm

preran s.g

nice piece of work dude , if you get time see my new work , way to hell .

Sun, July 22nd, 2018 1:52am

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Sat, July 21st, 2018 11:21pm

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