desire.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
She wanted so desperately to measure up to everybody else's expectations that she forgot how beautiful she really was.

**for MD22's contest**

Submitted: November 01, 2013

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Submitted: November 01, 2013

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Shadows settle over the green hills as the sun sets in an orange burst of light. There's nowhere I can go and there's nothing I can do except gaze down at her delicate form. One ivory hand is placed over her chest and her emerald green eyes have lost their old fire. The other hand is outstretched, loosely gripping a handful of pink and white pills. Her dark hair flows freely over her shoulders, shining as the sunlight rains over her. Her lips have turned pale purple in the chilly breeze and her naked body is beginning to turn a shade of blue. I can't find the will to run back home and call for my mother because I know they'll take her away and bury her deep beneath the ground. Sitting at her side I take her hand in mine, ignoring the cold pills pressing against my palm. Tracing my fingers up and down her body I wonder how I didn't see it before. How nobody had seen it. Nobody had noticed the way her ribs stuck out from her ivory skin or her bone-thin limbs. Nobody had noticed how she stopped laughing or how her eyes had lost their smile. I didn't bother placing a hand over her heart to check for a beat because I knew there wouldn't be one. Instead, I ran a finger along her collarbone, feeling the way it was jutting out from her body like it could break through the skin. I began to wonder: what would drive her to do this to herself? Why would she keep it a secret for so long, hurting and beating herself up just to feel something? Then I knew my answer.

Desire. She wanted so desperately to measure up to everybody else's expectations that she forgot how beautiful she really was. She had lost all sense of hope, only wanting to acquire some false sense of beauty. So she starved herself, she starved until she forgot how to chew. And that very realization killed me.

Placing one hand over her chest I let a tear slip from my eye and roll down my cheek, landing on her bare skin. I knew I had to return home some time or else my mother would send out a search, but I couldn't find the will to leave her side. So I stay there until nightfall when my family and friends come for me, and they know why I hadn't returned. I couldn't understand what the adults were saying, but I heard the words eating and disorder and I finally understood why. I begged for so long that they wouldn't bury her and they listened. Instead her body was placed on a wooden boat, flowers surrounding her small figure. She was spoken of all around the world and I could only gather a single thought: was this what she wanted?


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