Eat

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Personal Struggles

We only show people what we want them to see, and not what we really have but more importantly who we really are. I come across as a bubbly and happy typical teenage girl, who has everything from nice possessions, a good family, intelligent and someone thats "happy". But its almost as if I'm wearing a mask because on under all of that, I have eating disorders, my family isnt "perfect" and everything that used to fill me with happiness does not anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I inherited my mothers depression or if I just do not know what I want. But I seem to never figure out why this sudden saddness and emptiness has taken control of me. Lets see I seem to have no control over anything else in my life besides what I consume. That is why I have an eating disorder an eating disorder is far from "high fashion" girls. It constantly consumes you mentally, emotionally and, physically. I cant walk past any mirror or window without judging myself, or when I eat a normal healthy mean I automatically believe that I have gained weight. The worst part is that it  controls me now, my grades have slowly started lowering, the things that made me happy dont, and I've become distant from the people that care about me. Sometimes I wish I could get a helping hand and for someone to say "it is going to be alright" but It's my fault no one has since I mask my emotions and feelings behind fake laughs, smiles and conversations. Instead of saying "I'm not doing so well" I respond with "I'm good thank you" when asked how I am. Just because I feel as if no one can realte to me or simply because I feel ashamed for what I do. 


Submitted: October 21, 2015

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Comments

quetzala

It is going to be alright!
there are many people out there with eating disorders and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
but I think that you should ask family for help.
Family can be the best and strongest support with acceptance and love.
you just have to open up
once you say it out loud to your family and friends
i really believe that weight of carring this alone will be lifted

anyways...
I really liked your writing it was super emotional
great job

Wed, October 21st, 2015 6:26pm

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