I Remember..

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

this poem is about my struggle with death

I Remember

Awakening, I remember with clarity,

Of how I lost a part of me,

A missing chunk of heart The eye can’t see.

Awakening, I remember so violently,

Of how I lost a part of me,

You were my life, my very breath,

Now buried under six feet of earth,

To me, an unexpected death.

Awakening, I remember with clarity,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Mom, from me I send love to thee,

I bleed silent tears of lonely.

My heart, it aches you see, For a love no other can beat,

I’m empty, I’m raw, everything but ok.

Awakening, I remember vividly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

How death, took my mother silently,

I’m broke; I’m putting on a show,

What they know, is all but lies to see.

Awakening, I remember cautiously,

Of how I lost a part of me,

I put on a mask that day, A mask so thick, you wouldn’t see,

All my troubles and fears of these, Demons in the heart of me.

Awakening, I remember loosely,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Look deep within the eyes of me,

All you see, a lie, but to you unknown,

It is to me a perfect play, “Well done” I’d say to thee.

Look past the lies, study mine eyes,

All emotions buried away,

Far beneath my heart and soul.

Awakening, I remember, with a silent tear,

Of how I lost a part of me,

To deal with a loss; I played with weed and beer,

It did nothing, but suppress all my pains and fear.

Awakening, I remember here,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Now scared of Love in all degree’s,

I’m the one to give love best to thee,

For losing another, though alive you be,

It kills another part of me.

Awakening, I remember sincerely,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Seventeen I be, yet life of seventy, I believe,

To have lived through such as this,

My mother, why die did she?

Awakening, I remember sadly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

I wish my mom were here, you see

To hold, to talk, to hear her laugh,

you see I miss her warm arms around me,

Her eye’s so bright, they welcome thee.

I need to feel her warmth again,

I’m torn; inside I’m destroyed,

I have severe depression,

Because death took my mother,

And left me here…Desertion

It’s decrepit desolation.

Awakening, I remember dearly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Of how much torment a soul can bear?

Death, cheated me in a deadly snare,

He did it without a care.

Awakening, I remember terribly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Thing I hate the most?

The time with you I didn’t toast.

I took it all for granted,

Mused and quickly I departed,

I’m sorry, ignoring times when I heard you cry,

I’m sorry, ignoring your times of glory.

Awakening, I remember distinctively,

Of how I lost a part of me,

It’s quite surreal,

of you no more I feel,

I’m tired, of suppressing constantly,

Of everything should be shown,

At night, in silence I surely kneel,

Too weak from lying to all… To keep me safe,

it’s hard too keep it all

Awakening, I remember horrifically,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Those words of love, I never hear,

I long though, for me to hear,

Those words, I came to fear.

Awakening, I remember vividly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

Each day I breathe, each day I’m daunted,

Since that year I am haunted.

Awakening, I remember constantly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

My pain, pent up inside of me,

Turns me slowly, to insanity.

Awakening, I remember shrewdly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

My mind, no longer mine,

More of grim, I’ll bet a dime,

Inside my head, the pain is screaming,

My brain, the shit I think, demeaning,

My only escape, poetry, the influential writing.

Awakening, I remember clearly,

Of how I lost a part of me,

The clouds be heavy,

of this I can’t levy

Forever pressing,

Making me less resistant to this depression.

Awakening, I remember tensely,

Of how I lost a part of me,

On my knee’s, I beg and plea,

“God give back that missing part of me”,

It was mine, and that he stole,

A part of me, a section now hollow,

It was she by defined nature I was to follow.

Hard it is for me to know,

to solve this problem on my own,

And yet, somehow, you left clues to help me,

Awakening, I remember

Of how I lost that part of me

And in my sleep, she sweetly sings

To me my life long melody

On her wings I proudly soar

These physical tears, are no more

But still its here I’m in a bind,

The constant struggle of suicide, inside me mind,

I can’t escape,

is it my fate?

I hope not,

Oh my, death it’s me you shot..

-Aurie Peigan


Submitted: January 19, 2012

© Copyright 2021 oreo010. All rights reserved.

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Comments

moonphish

i lost my mother at a young age....i can so relate to this...the flurry of emotions....beautifully written

Thu, January 19th, 2012 8:01pm

Victor Darnell Hadnot

The intensity of the imagery was just right on. And then there was the deep and raw emotions expressed. Very well crafted...

Thu, January 19th, 2012 10:46pm

Author
Reply

thankyou it took alot of time to write it properly..it's my best poem

Wed, January 25th, 2012 8:26am

Chris Gerard

This must have taken a lot to write. Some beautiful and very moving lines. Only losing a child compares with losing a mother so young. She will live on in your words, and would want you to keep going and keep writing.

Fri, March 2nd, 2012 11:05pm

Author
Reply

thanks for the thoughtful words

Mon, March 5th, 2012 10:05am

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