We'll Be A Dream

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Nothing is ever real. It's all a dream.

Submitted: July 31, 2010

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Submitted: July 31, 2010

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A A A


We’ll Be a Dream

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I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t stop crying. We’ve all been there. It’s the symptoms of a heartbreak. And they’re bloody painful. So fucking annoying. But you know what’s worse? I know he’s happy. He doesn’t give a shit. It’s crushing when you know you’re the only one suffering. It’s crushing to know you weren’t too hard to get over. And if you weren’t hard to get over then that means he never liked you as much as you thought. As much as he led you on to think.

I feel like I’m losing control. I feel like I’ve lost control, that my life is spinning downwards. And how can I stop that? Does anyone know how to move on from someone? I’ve heard them all before; the best way to get over someone is to get with a guy even better. But what if you can’t? What if you had the best? Where do you go from that?

“We’ll always have each other.” There’s always a promise made. No matter what it is. A promise that a relationship would never ruin your friendship or a promise to not hurt you. But promises are made to be broken. They shouldn’t even be called promises. In my dictionary a promise means a lie.

What does it mean when you’ve given up on everything you used to believe in? What is there to believe in anymore. I used to believe in a guy. I used to take his word on things, used to think his opinions mattered. I used to think that I needed him. No actually, that’s a lie. I still think so. How fucking pathetic is that? You know what pains me, is that he was my best friend. My god damn best friend. I lost my best friend. I risked something amazingly perfect. I thought it could be the same if we didn’t work out. How stupid of me.

He didn’t even take in my pleading, my tears, my attempts to repatch our friendship. I don’t care if we can never be and never will be anything more, but I need to be friends.

I can’t even hate him. Can you? It’s so hard. I want to be happy for him, I want him to know he can come to me. But he’s made it clear that he can’t be happy for me, that he won’t be here for me. That he doesn’t care about me. That I’m fucking spam to him. So why should I try? Why do I have to care?

“What’s happened to you? What’s wrong with you?” Oh, I don’t know. I think it was a guy. Yeah, definetly a guy. He broke me. Broke me to pieces. I feel numb. How do you know if your hearts still intact after a break up? I can’t even feel it. The heartache has vanished. Does that mean I’m cured? Then why do I keep crying. Why can’t I stop crying.

You can’t ever stop crying.

I miss you so bad it hurts. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone non-family related so much. As a friend. And I’m trying to hold back all my emotions, go on as if I don’t care either, but it’s killing me on the inside. I need you. I don’t want you, I need you. There’s this attachment that I don’t understand, but I’m sick of trying to fight it. I’m sick of trying to convince myself that I’m not like everyone else. I always thought I didn’t need anyone. That I wouldn’t be vulnerable for anyone to see. That’s just how I am.

I don’t see how you can get over me so easily. How can you just ignore me like I don’t mean anything to you. And maybe that’s because I don’t. But I don’t understand how? Even when we’re not talking, when we’re fighting, I’ll always consider you one of the greatest friends I’ll ever have I’ve only known you for a year as opposed to friends that I’ve known since kindergarten, but you come second.

Can you hear that? Can you feel that?

Can you hear me crying? Can you feel my heart breaking?

It’s been a month, Daniel. A month and I’m no better than I was the first day you ended it. I still can hardly sleep. I still cry practically every night. My heart aches. Do you not understand? Giving me space does nothing for me but tear me apart even more.

You’re the cause of my pain. And I wish there was something I could say or do to make you talk to me. Just fucking talk to me. I never pegged you as a coward who runs away from me. You wanted this remember? I fucking told you. I told you it wouldn’t work. This is why I kept it from you for so long. Because we don’t work.

I just want to stop crying. I just want to stop feeling like I’m dying.


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