A Dark and Stormey Night...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic
A True Ghost Story about a Horrific Pizzaria

Submitted: September 30, 2009

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Submitted: September 30, 2009

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It Was a Dark and Stormy Night....or Evil Pizza!

I cursed the Lucas electrical system of the Triumph Spitfire as the car missed and sputtered. The rain came down in torrents and the thunder and lightning lit the Catskill mountains up like daylight. I was stranded in the middle of nowhere and this was before the advent of cellphones.

I dug for the flashlight in the glovebox and was not too happy to see an anemic orange glow indicating the batteries were about shot. Getting out of the small sportscar I looked up and down the road and squinted, shielding my eyes from the rain.
Taking a pen out of my pocket, I left a note on the windshield proclaiming: "STEAL ME PLEASE!!!" (I was tired of repairing this car all the time...)

In the distance I could see the outline of a small Hamlet. I walked towards the clustered old frame houses looking for the friendly glimpse of an illuminated window. There was a sign on the roadway that read: "Fergusonville Slow!" and I smiled for a moment wondering if this meant speed limit or the populations' mentality. It could have been worded better.

I walked past a white frame church with plain stain glass panels and could see the neglected tall grass in the old graveyard behind the church in the lightning flashes. Next came some unlit old salt box farm houses that looked unkept with sagging rooftops and caved in rafters. It may have been a town or hamlet at one time but it was clearly fallen into worse times and there were no cars in the grown over old driveways.

Spotting a house with a tin sign outside and some flickering lights in the window I made towards the porch. The old sign was rusted and creaked in an eerie way that seemed like a voice repeating over and over: "Oh yes she isss...Oh yes she isss" in an odd repetitive sing-song. It read "Sebastiano's Pizzaria-Take Out or Delivery."

There was a grown over parking lot that indicated no heavy traffic but the rain was streaming down my face and I welcomed even the shelter of the uneven looking front porch that had peeling paint. Again, I could discearn the flickering lights that I could now make out as candles. The front door creaked as I pushed it open and looked around for the proprietors-a bell rang on a hook attached to the door.

There were the typical Italian Restaurant tables with red checkered tablecloths and a lingering scent of olive oil cooking food at one time-maybe long ago. The candles flickered from the tables in the empty basket Chianti bottles and each table had tall crocks filled with moldy breadsticks. I sat at one of the tables. Soon I heard a creaking and a short elderly heavy-set woman came out of the old kitchen door and looked at me in a suprised manner.

She was dressed all in black clothing and wore old fashioned black pumps and had the palest skin and lightest gray eyes I ever saw. "'Ello" she greeted me with a feeble smile. She came over to me slowly and then beat the tablecloth at the table I was sitting at with her apron and I choked on the clouds of dust. I tried to explain about my car and asked if they had a phone.

"A telephoney?" she questioned and smiled at me feebly. "No telephoney!" she answered. "Gina!" she yelled in a screetchey voice scaring me upright in my chair..with a voice that was a shrill as a raven's call.

A young woman moved silently from the shadows into the candlelight moving like a cat. The elderly woman pinched my cheek with her fingetips that smelled of garlic cloves and said to me: "You are sooo Skeeeney! We will get you a bite to eat." she smiled at my aversion to the cheek pinch.

Gina looked at me with a Mona Lisa smile and dropped her eyes to the floor in a manner the meaning I could not guess. I would! She had very dark hair that had almost a blue sheen to it, and very red thin lips. She wore a tight black skirt and a taut horizontally red and white striped knit shirt with a crew neck.

Gina bustled to another table and picked up a dusty menu that she blew the dust off. As she passed the older woman I heard her whisper: "He is sooo young! ...and sooooo skinny!!!" she quivered sensually at the word "Skeeeney" and I tried but gave up my attempts to communicate with her either.

Seemed I was going to have an Italian meal in the dingiest Italian restaurant I ever saw-like it or not.

Gina brought me a clean looking wine glass and a Chianti bottle like the others that held the candles and poured me a glass of the red Italian wine.

At least the glass was clean, I thought as I sipped the wine. The red wine tasted so good; it almost tasted like cold stream water to a thirsty man. I looked at Gina as she walked away from me and admired the curve of her buttocks moving wonderfully under the tight black skirt she wore. She turned in time to catch me looking and smiled, dropping her eyes again. I also averted my eyes, embarassed at being caught.

Outside the dingey window I saw the mountains backit by the lightning of the abating storm. The thunder grew less loud and diminished to a distant rumble. The wine was making me feel warm and drowsey and suddenly I realized how truly hungry I really was.

I closed my eyes for a moment savoring the wine and when I reopened them drowsily I spilt my wine as I jumped. An elderly man with curly hair and a chef's hat was right at my elbow. "Sitt-a-day una!" he said kindly as he patted my shoulder and pushed me back down into my seat. He set a place serving with a napkin and silverware. "Excusa..." he apologized and refilled my Chianti glass. He had the same pastey white skin and those red thin lips as the other two I had met. He had green eyes though like a cat's. I didn't care for them.

"I'm stuck with my car about a half a mile down the road." "Si, Si" he nodded. "We will have for you....ummmmm (how you say?) a mech-an-nick!" He put a clean plate with grating cheese on the table and fresh breadsticks with a plate of Italian bread that smelled as if it just came from an oven. "You Manga first...sit and eata somthin'...you are sooo skeeney...." his eyes glittered and I almost saw a red flash in the pupils like a bad photograph but it was just the effect of the lightning outside. That word again: SKEENEY. "Skinny?" I asked. Yes...si....too skinney...

"TOO SKINNY FOR WHAT???" I wanted to know. "Gina will take care of you...I need to be in the keetchen. My name is Mario." He bowed politely. "Tonight is the "Festa of Santa Sebastiano" and our Saint you see...of the casa." He pointed to a shrine in the corner with a statue of a Saint tied to a tree and empaled with arrows. There were lit red votive candles and holy cards stuck under the effigy. He waved his arm around his head and embraced the shoddy restaurant, which, I should add, was starting to become more appitizing to me with the wine and company-although a few of the people here creeped me out.

They brought me two bowls of giant meatballs. One cooked in olive oil and the other with the huge meatballs simmered in marinara sauce.

This was followed by a huge plate of linguini cooked in garlic and olive oil. I had another glass of the Chianti and thought I never had a better Chianti. I looked at the date on the bottle 1936! (A very old Chianti-I observed.)

I sauntered over to the alter of Saint Sebastiano and read a legend card on the wall: "Saint Sebastiano was a Roman soldier who converted to christianity and practiced conversions. After twice being warned by the emperor to desist he was allowed to be taken out by his fellow soldiers to be executed by being used for arrow practice-a human target for the soldiers. An angel came and nursed Sebastiano back to health whereupon he marched back to the Emperor's court and was clubbed to death by the Emperor."

"Sucked to be Saint Sebastiano!" I thought aloud. To my chagrin, I noticed that the Saint Sebastian statue was wearing a tiny chef's hat on the head as he gazed heavenward with upturned eyes.

"Very odd..." I puzzled. From the kitchen door came the wonderful aroma of more Italian food. I sat back down and wondered when I was going to get some info about this mechanic they were going to get for me. Gina came out of the kitchen bearing a platter. "Veal Pizziola, AHHA-HAHA!"she lauged soulessly. If I wasn't so stuffed it would have been cute. "No-No, Gina" I protested.

The mushrooms looked delicious. "Maybe just a little..." I relented. She poured me another glass of wine. She grated some Pecorino Romano on my veal dish and smiled. "You must manga...", she said sweetly and almost smiled. "Eat...Manga...yes..." I agreed, stuffing my face. "I am too SKEENEY." I said grinning. (What is wrong with that girl's teeth....I thought absent-mindedly).

I finished the last of the veal and asked her, "Now what about this mechanic. Your food is wonderful and I plan to come back here again another time for your pizza but what about my car?"

The old woman in black came out of the kitchen with another plate of food and set it in front of me. This smelled like Shrimp Scampi with Alfredo. "Drinka your vino..." she said "...and Manga...".

"I think I've had enough..." I protested. "Besides...Chianti doesn't go well with seafood."

"Gina!!!" she shrieked in that shrill voice. Gina re-emerged from the kitchen with a fresh glass and a bottle of Soave. I was seeing spots before my eyes. Mario emerged from the kitchen door with a large pizza and set it on a folding tray next to the table. Ordinarily it would have smelled good but this evening I had just had enough to eat. "We join you..." he smiled. Gina re-entered the room bearing more plates and glasses. "I am very full." I told him again. "I can't eat anymore. It was all delicious, Mario but I am just so full."

"Just try the Shrimp and pick..." he insisted. He sat down and poured himself a glass of wine and served pizza to everyone and refilled their glasses. I drank a bit of the white wine and picked at the shrimp. "It is very good...." I observed. "If I eat anymore..it will make me sick though. I really can't."

Gina came over to me and sat on my lap facing me. "What are you doing!!!???" I protested. I tried to get up but I was parylized and couldn't move out of the chair. She laughed that laugh: "Ha-Ha-Ha"and reached behind her shoulder grabbing a slice of pizza and shoving it in my mouth said, "I will feed you like small baby..."

"NO GRAGGGH!!!!" I protested. "Chew nice..." she said and worked my jaw up and down with her hands. I tried to spit it out but she held her hands over my mouth. My eyes were bulging open and I saw what was wrong with her teeth. They were all filed to points. All the front teeth were pointed! I was horrified. The old woman and Mario laughed and I noticed they had the same nasty looking pointy teeth.

Now the old Italian woman was bringing out plates of sausage cooked with potato, onions, mushrooms and peppers. I tried to upchuck but some occult force kept it from happening.

"Manga...." they all chanted magically. "Manga..." They waved their fingers in front of my eyes and I was surrounded by the smell of garlic and onion. They grinned at me with their shark teeth and taunted.

"You willa manga!" said Mario. "You WILL manga! Untilla your belt breaks and your-a gut is so heavy it sagga down and breaks your-a balls!!!" he said in this ugly voice narrowing his red eyes and making a breaking gesture with his hands.

He pointed at me. "Tonight is the festa...so you mangiano...."

"NO!!!!" I pleaded. Gina laughed that laugh cheerfully and loosened my belt and unbuttoned my bottom shirt buttons. There was some occult power that kept me also from shaking her off my lap. She fed me the sausage and to my added horror I saw Mario emerge from the kitchen with a tray of fresh Cannolis. "NO GRAGGGH!!!!" I screamed and gagged again. This was indeed the Pizza place from Hell. "God help me..." I screamed as she stuffed a Cannoli in my mouth.

My "Miraculous Mary Medal" spilled from my shirt and for a second they all recoiled. The chair we were sitting on broke and Gina and I fell to the floor with a bang. She slid sideways and chipped three or four of her pointed teeth on the table leg. She yelled, "SHIT, YOU ASSHOLE!!!" in perfect english.

A strange holy power flooded into me and I shoved four Cannolis into Gina's filthy mouth at one time. "YOU MANGA!!!!" I yelled gathering all my strength. "How do you like it?" Next was Mario. I threw the pizza pan at him like a frisbee and it donked off his head rolling into a corner.

"YOU MAKE THE CRAPPIEST PIZZA I EVER ATE IN MY LIFE!!!!" I told him, truthfully. He gnashed his teeth wildly but was powerless with my medallian emiting that great blue light. "THE WORSTT!!!!! YOU POISON IT WITH GARLIC!!!" I hissed. Mario was crying."Don'tA say THAT!!!!" he cringed and sobbed. "It is an infamata!!!!"

"ITISSHIT!" I corrected him. He buried his face in his hands and wailed like the wraith he was.

The old woman came running at me from the kitchen with a big knife but she tripped on those black pumps and it stuck in the doorsill. I ran out the door. Once outside, the noise in the house abated and it grew dark inside. I staggered out to the street and leaned on the fence growing weak. A rooster crowed and the sky was turning pink. I looked down at my stomach and to my horror saw that my belly hung over my waisteband and I felt obese. Olive Oil drooled down my jowls....sickeningly.

I can't say how far I walked but I know I passed out and when I awoke I was with an old farmer. I told him my terrible story about what happened.

"You were at the Old Lombardy place." he looked at me wild eyed. "That place is certainly haunted. Why son, the last person to go in there was 180 pounds when he went in and better than 300 pounds when they found him on the road dead of a heart attack with a breadstick in his mouth. No one could explain the unearthy weight gain. There hasn't been anyone living there since the 1930's when a man went crazy with a shotgun and murdered all the owners and nobody goes near the place because they see strange lights there on certain nights of the year. You are lucky to be alive. WHY, NO ONE WANTS TO EVEN LIVE NEAR THE PLACE...you are very lucky to be alive."

He continued, "...truth is...even when they were open years ago, I hear tell they made horrible pizza."

He pointed over towards the buildings behind hima nd I spotted the familiar license plate on my Spitfire, "Food Critic".

"Nothing like ours." He smiled, pointing towards a delapidated yet rustic looking building behind him, with a sign dimly lit,
"Tony's Frozen Pizza"

"Maria", He bellowed in a voice much larger than you would have imagined a man to have, "We have a One top for lunch!"

A young woman that could have passed for Gina's twin turned around and smiled, showing off her pointed teeth ."Yes papa, we have it all ready for him " "Desgraciado", she mumbled under her breath. ...his legs feeling like rubber and too stunned to do anything but be led towards the old diner, he saw spots before his eyes.

"Welcome to Hell, you old sonofabitch, should have been more careful driving that old spitfire on these windy roads....."

copyright Ortley Cane 2009


© Copyright 2018 Ortley Cane. All rights reserved.

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