1The hot girl you've been making eye contact with across the room finally comes over to the bar standing ten feet away and smiles. Suddenly from the table she just came from you hear: "Gary...Oh, I mean Gennie, just get me a budweiser. "Gennie" then turns around and in a voice too deep for a girl shouts back: "Ma, I told you I was going as Elizabeth tonight!"
2 You go to bed and an hour later after being so snug and warm (Because it's ten degrees outside) you realize you forgot to put the garbage out for pick-up the next morning.
3 You pick up a baby and in the middle of saying "Hey there you little cutie" she throws up on you. Twice!!!
4 You drive into the EZ pass lane at the toll booth by mistake
(Because you don't have EZ pass...Duh) and no one who works there seems to be around and the bar won't go up. (Did I mention all the cars honking behind you.)
5 The cat barfs on the rug. (Twice!!!)/ The new dog pees on the rug. (Twice before you get up!!!)
6 A car alarm goes off at 3:30 in the morning while your in bed and after cursing the guy for five minutes you realize it's yours and the keys are downstairs.
7 You go to meet your girlfriends/boyfriends family at Christmas dinner and realize one of them is someone you cursed at that afternoon in the parking lot because they--"DON'T KNOW HOW TO F****** DRIVE PAL!!!"
8 Your walking down a quiet street past a stockade fence with spaces in between it and from behind it a giant dog goes beserk barking at you and almost giving you a heart attack as his gift for being so protective of his mommy and daddy who decided to buy a dog the size of a horse.
9 Someone you can't stand comes up and stands behind you on the longest line you've ever seen at the post office and wants to talk the whole 10 minutes about his operation which includes showing you the scars on his flab that hangs after losing weight because of the operation.
10 Your new girlfriend wants you to be at a party her family is having to meet all the relatives. One of their little kids who suddenly likes you because your giving him more attention then anyone
else thinks it's funny to follow you around all night kicking you in the shins only to run away screaming and laughing at you. OR, he constantly comes up behind you while your eating to scare you
with his constant "BOO" while your trying to eat.
And no one cares! Not even your girlfriend!
It makes you wish a gust of shit would fly up and hit him in the face to shut him up!!!
11 You buy a birthday cake and it says "Happy Birthday Jimmy" instead of "Happy Birthday Timmy." So you bring it back and all they do is cross the J to make it look like a T with a funny hook on the end confusing Timmy.
12 At the same party for Timmy you play a joke by putting real candles in the cake instead of birthday candles and the joke not only bombs, but real candle wax has dripped on the last few piece of the cake that were going home with grandma and grandpa.
13 Your standing at the top of your block waiting for your friend to pick you up for work as usual and he doesn't come or call. So you rush like hell to catch a bus and when you finally get there no ones around yet because your too early. You forgot to set the clock back for daylight savings time!
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Poem / Humor
Poem / Poetry
Poem / Poetry
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