Just some thoughts

I sit here and I wonder who I really am

Am I the face behind the mask who says ‘I know I can’

The early years of childhood embedded deep in me

A sense of insecurity that no one ever sees

Too scared to show outwardly emotions deep inside

They see me as the strongest one but from myself I cannot hide

Pretending I need no one and everyone needs me

There’s not a day that has gone by that I don’t want to scream

Shouts of rage, rejection, disappointment and of fear

You’d think that I’d be over it but I can’t help but hear

My mother’s torment, mommy’s yell, the sound her hand would make

When she unleashed her wrath on me and hoped that I would break

The years went by and I moved on to more and more abuse

Instead of on the outside, internal was the bruise

Drugs and alcohol my friends are easy outs for sure

I thought that I was all grown up, I thought I was mature

It took a many losses of opportunities

To finally realize I could not bury me

I had to fight through all the pain and start to fix my flaws

I saw the downward spiral and had to take a pause

Some time alone did me so well

Away for once from all the hell

Made more mistakes along the way but that’s to be expected

The only thing I wanted most was not to be rejected

I found my way or so I thought by building up a wall

I wanted everyone to know that I could do it all

For years I never shed a tear, some said I died inside

Behind the label of Ice Queen my hurt could now reside

Until the day that fate took hold and presented her to me

Never believing Love existed but with her I could see

That Love was there, beyond that wall, just waiting patiently

For me to face my demons and show some bravery

She showed me to be generous and not to just the world

But to myself and let her in, my heart was soon unfurled

The Love she gave was pure and true

Easy it was to adieu

To all the pain and sorrow that I’ll never feel again

No words could ever thank enough my lover and best friend

I sit here and I wonder who I really am

The answer to that question will never have an end

We grow with each experience that life throws out our way

The me that I am right now will someday go away

Just like that little girl who’s insecurities

Led to a series of events that changed during her teens

The teenage girl who knew it all but sadly was mistaken

Is also gone and sits here now a woman in the making

I cannot say I’ve found myself because I am not done

I am known now as Paloma, the Spanish word for dove

The bird of peace, how very fitting, since that is what I’ve found

In Love with everything around from Heaven to the ground


Submitted: February 10, 2013

© Copyright 2023 paloma0703. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Comments

Indie Skreet

Hi Paloma, I don't really know what to say that seems adequate. I have written 100's of poems in the last few months on this very subject, attempting to fight my demons and understand myself. There are some beautiful lines in here that shouldn't fail to touch any reader. I am glad you have found inner peace now.

Sun, February 10th, 2013 11:49am

Author
Reply

I think the ocean that seperates me from my mother makes it that much easier for me to carry on and be happy. I know that I cannot change the past but I have finally chosen not to let the past effect my future. Thank you for your kind words.

Sun, February 10th, 2013 12:57pm

Indie Skreet

ps You have left the 'e' off in the title :)

Sun, February 10th, 2013 11:51am

Author
Reply

lol. Thanks!!!! I haven't even looked at it since I posted it.

Sun, February 10th, 2013 12:57pm

Buffershaker

A tragic yet beautifully written poem which had me in tears.Yes life is definitely a learning curve for us all.Nobody goes through life without experiencing difficult situations.The worst crime in my opinion is where our parents whom are supposed to be our protectors then abuse us and our trust.Nicely penned.

Mon, February 18th, 2013 1:56pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Eileen. Your comment means a great deal to me.

Mon, February 18th, 2013 11:46am

ElizaZenith

I too like to try and understand myself through writing. brilliantly written poem, well done.

Best regards, Eliza xxx

Thu, February 21st, 2013 9:29pm

Author
Reply

Thanks Eliza.

Thu, February 21st, 2013 1:31pm

Spyguy

Sinister & sad it is when children need be parent;
Abuse can come in many forms, many not apparent.
Sad, it makes me when I hear of toils & of troubles;
Of children living in a world of fragile lil' bubbles.
I've faith that you've turned out your life a lite to be;
For the world, for yourself something all should see.
Thank you for your friendship, & the E-mails too;
Please don't think I don't care, 'cuz haven't answered you.
This old world so busy is... Now it's 5am;
Just know that eventually I'll answer them.
Fly High; Excell...

Mon, March 4th, 2013 12:31pm

Author
Reply

Well thank Mr. Spyguy
I thought you disappeared
From the land of Booksie
your absence was quite weird
I must admit
that having not
a word from you
had me distraught
And glad I am
to see that you
are doing well
just busy too
Don't fret about the e-mails hon
Expiration they have none.
And also please
do not be sad
about the life
that I have had
I'm better now
and this I know
Those tragedies have
helped me grow
So carry on
about your day
In touch I know
That we will stay



Mon, March 4th, 2013 11:59am

Spyguy

Joy it is that you inspire;
as you asnswer to my inquire.
As with others herein you fire;
To be all to which I can aspire.
Make me wish to climb much higher;
Generate the best to in you sire;
All those things you most desire.
To bring that it does require;
That an inward flame I fire.
So, my dear urge you flier;
want to be, & gain admire;
$$ make, & then retire...

Tue, March 5th, 2013 9:09pm

mohsina alam

Wow! I love it! Your poetry is amazing, and I've never been much of a poetry girl :) I'll defenitly keep reading your work X

Tue, March 5th, 2013 9:43pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much Mohsina. I will view your work soon. :)

Tue, March 5th, 2013 8:03pm

Peach Love

Very beautiful poem. At first it didn't seem like a poem to me but it flows to nicely and the words are picked carefully. I really enjoyed reading this :)

Mon, May 6th, 2013 1:26pm

Author
Reply

Thank Peach Love. :) I appreciate you taking the time to read my work.

Thu, May 23rd, 2013 8:17pm

PizzaPoet

This was so wonderful to read as I noticed the gradual transformation that you've went through thus far. I could definitely relate to this as well. This was such a beautiful piece. Great job! :)

Sat, July 6th, 2013 12:55am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much. This was one of the pieces I did for a book that a group of us just released. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment and I am glad you liked it.

Sat, July 6th, 2013 8:54pm

Facebook Comments

More True Confessions Poems

Other Content by paloma0703