I sit here and wonder who I really am
Poem by: paloma0703
I sit here and I wonder who I really am
Am I the face behind the mask who says ‘I know I can’
The early years of childhood embedded deep in me
A sense of insecurity that no one ever sees
Too scared to show outwardly emotions deep inside
They see me as the strongest one but from myself I cannot hide
Pretending I need no one and everyone needs me
There’s not a day that has gone by that I don’t want to scream
Shouts of rage, rejection, disappointment and of fear
You’d think that I’d be over it but I can’t help but hear
My mother’s torment, mommy’s yell, the sound her hand would make
When she unleashed her wrath on me and hoped that I would break
The years went by and I moved on to more and more abuse
Instead of on the outside, internal was the bruise
Drugs and alcohol my friends are easy outs for sure
I thought that I was all grown up, I thought I was mature
It took a many losses of opportunities
To finally realize I could not bury me
I had to fight through all the pain and start to fix my flaws
I saw the downward spiral and had to take a pause
Some time alone did me so well
Away for once from all the hell
Made more mistakes along the way but that’s to be expected
The only thing I wanted most was not to be rejected
I found my way or so I thought by building up a wall
I wanted everyone to know that I could do it all
For years I never shed a tear, some said I died inside
Behind the label of Ice Queen my hurt could now reside
Until the day that fate took hold and presented her to me
Never believing Love existed but with her I could see
That Love was there, beyond that wall, just waiting patiently
For me to face my demons and show some bravery
She showed me to be generous and not to just the world
But to myself and let her in, my heart was soon unfurled
The Love she gave was pure and true
Easy it was to adieu
To all the pain and sorrow that I’ll never feel again
No words could ever thank enough my lover and best friend
I sit here and I wonder who I really am
The answer to that question will never have an end
We grow with each experience that life throws out our way
The me that I am right now will someday go away
Just like that little girl who’s insecurities
Led to a series of events that changed during her teens
The teenage girl who knew it all but sadly was mistaken
Is also gone and sits here now a woman in the making
I cannot say I’ve found myself because I am not done
I am known now as Paloma, the Spanish word for dove
The bird of peace, how very fitting, since that is what I’ve found
In Love with everything around from Heaven to the ground
© Copyright 2016 paloma0703. All rights reserved.
I sit here and wonder who I really am
Comments
Hi Paloma, I don't really know what to say that seems adequate. I have written 100's of poems in the last few months on this very subject, attempting to fight my demons and understand myself. There are some beautiful lines in here that shouldn't fail to touch any reader. I am glad you have found inner peace now.
Author
Reply
I think the ocean that seperates me from my mother makes it that much easier for me to carry on and be happy. I know that I cannot change the past but I have finally chosen not to let the past effect my future. Thank you for your kind words.
ps You have left the 'e' off in the title :)
Author
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lol. Thanks!!!! I haven't even looked at it since I posted it.
A tragic yet beautifully written poem which had me in tears.Yes life is definitely a learning curve for us all.Nobody goes through life without experiencing difficult situations.The worst crime in my opinion is where our parents whom are supposed to be our protectors then abuse us and our trust.Nicely penned.
Author
Reply
Thank you Eileen. Your comment means a great deal to me.
I too like to try and understand myself through writing. brilliantly written poem, well done.
Best regards, Eliza xxx
Author
Reply
Thanks Eliza.
Sinister & sad it is when children need be parent;
Abuse can come in many forms, many not apparent.
Sad, it makes me when I hear of toils & of troubles;
Of children living in a world of fragile lil' bubbles.
I've faith that you've turned out your life a lite to be;
For the world, for yourself something all should see.
Thank you for your friendship, & the E-mails too;
Please don't think I don't care, 'cuz haven't answered you.
This old world so busy is... Now it's 5am;
Just know that eventually I'll answer them.
Fly High; Excell...
Author
Reply
Well thank Mr. Spyguy
I thought you disappeared
From the land of Booksie
your absence was quite weird
I must admit
that having not
a word from you
had me distraught
And glad I am
to see that you
are doing well
just busy too
Don't fret about the e-mails hon
Expiration they have none.
And also please
do not be sad
about the life
that I have had
I'm better now
and this I know
Those tragedies have
helped me grow
So carry on
about your day
In touch I know
That we will stay
Joy it is that you inspire;
as you asnswer to my inquire.
As with others herein you fire;
To be all to which I can aspire.
Make me wish to climb much higher;
Generate the best to in you sire;
All those things you most desire.
To bring that it does require;
That an inward flame I fire.
So, my dear urge you flier;
want to be, & gain admire;
$$ make, & then retire...
Wow! I love it! Your poetry is amazing, and I've never been much of a poetry girl :) I'll defenitly keep reading your work X
Author
Reply
Thank you so much Mohsina. I will view your work soon. :)
Very beautiful poem. At first it didn't seem like a poem to me but it flows to nicely and the words are picked carefully. I really enjoyed reading this :)
Author
Reply
Thank Peach Love. :) I appreciate you taking the time to read my work.
This was so wonderful to read as I noticed the gradual transformation that you've went through thus far. I could definitely relate to this as well. This was such a beautiful piece. Great job! :)
Author
Reply
Thank you so much. This was one of the pieces I did for a book that a group of us just released. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment and I am glad you liked it.
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