Never forget your parents...

PARENTS ARE LIKE WALL

THEY GIVE US SHELTER FROM WHEN WE ARE SMALL

BUT NOWADAYS WHEN CHILDREN GROW TALL

THE PARENTS ARE IN THE STAGE TO FALL

THEN WHEN PARENTS CALL CHILDREN FOR HELP

THE CHILDREN LEAVE THEM AND GO OFF WITH WEALTH

THE CHILDREN ARE TOMMOROWS PARENTS,

THE SAME THING HAPPENS WITH THEM

REMEMBER CHILDREN ARE ALWAYS IN DEBT WITH PARENTS


Submitted: December 24, 2010

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pammi

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Sat, December 25th, 2010 11:18am

jewliagirl

some grammar issues...nothing too major...
you started off with one thing, and ended with another. the verses first ended with 'all' towards the end they were different.
the last line 'the same thing happens with them' i'm not sure if it ends the poem very well--it doesn't seem connected with the rest.
the first line seems to better fit the end of the poem.
Also, the poem clashes with the title.
Again though, i like the message that comes through in this piece. :) well done!

i hope you find this information useful :)

-j

Sun, January 2nd, 2011 1:25am

pammi

HEY IS IT OK NOW!

Tue, January 4th, 2011 5:03am

pvk36

Hi Pammi,

What you said is very true and real happening around a good thought and good subject, have a good day and take care...PVK36

PS- Is pammi a nick name? cause my sisters call my son by that name; If you feel like replying its alright else forget it, bye

Tue, January 4th, 2011 8:54am

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