The Facts of Life: A Collection of Tales

Reads: 241  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

If you were looking for a happy-go-lucky story filled with magic and wonder, sorry this isn’t it. This collection of short tales isn’t filled with fantasy and bewilderment. It’s filled with the cold hard facts of life.


Once upon a time there was a young dog named Jacob. Ever since Jacob was a young puppy he had wanted to go into space and be a astronaut. All his friends and family had told him that it would never happen but Jacob had hope. He would work hard and put his best paw forward so he could live his dream.

And so he set out to gather the skills and knowledge he would need. Jacob studied hard in school so he would have perfect grades. While the other dogs partied and took fun classes, Jacob studied and took only the classes he needed to be an astronaut. When the time came for graduation, Jacob strode proudly down the aisle to get his diploma. He was pleased to be accepted at his choice school, in which he again took the classes he needed and nothing else. College soon came to an end for Jacob and so he sent in his application to NASA. The wait for a response was scary and Jacob nearly lost hope but he kept his head held high and waited.

Several months later he was distressed to find that NASA had declined his offer in favor of a Siamese cat. This as you could imagine crushed poor Jacob’s heart, but he was determined to live the life he had dreamed of. So Jacob went back to college studied even HARDER then before and when the time came to send his application there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he wouldn’t make it.

Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months, and after seven months passed Jacob was shocked to hear that a chimp named Bobo had beat him out for the spot. Now depressed he decided he would send in his application ONE LAST TIME, only to hear that the government was cutting NASA’s funding. Jacob went to work at a glue factory. Three weeks after NASA’s funding had been cut Jacob died. Sad, friendless, and poor.

The moral of the story is: dreams don’t ALWAYS come true

Farmer Bill

Once upon a time there was a farmer who everyone called Bill. Now Bill had a farm full of all sorts of animals. There where horses and pigs and cows, but out of all his animals Bill loved his chickens. Everyday he would go out into the yard grab a chicken and take it with him into the building he called the fun house. Most of the animals were not bothered by all the time Farmer Bill spent with the chickens but one little pig was a tad jealous.

“Why do the chickens get all the fun?” He would ask Herold, the farmer’s old blood hound. Herold would only sigh a deep sigh and go back to sleep.

One day the pig decided he would figure out what it was that went on in the fun house. He tried to peek in the window, but he was too short. He tried asking the chickens but they wouldn’t tell. He even tried dressing up like a chicken but Farmer Bill recognized him right away. After weeks of trying to get in the pig couldn’t take it anymore he marched right over to the farmer and told him off.

“Why do the chickens get to have all the fun I WANT TO GO IN THE FUN HOUSE!” Farmer Bill smiled and scratched his beard thoughtfully.

“You really want to go in there?” He asked. The pig squealed.

“YES! I want to go in there, I promise if you let me in I’ll be a good pig. Just please let me in!” Farmer Bill shrugged.

“Well all right if that’s what you want.” With that Bill walked with the pig into the fun house.

The next day Farmer Bill had bacon along with his usual fried chicken for breakfast.

The moral of the story is: Be careful what you wish for

Francis the Great

There once was a world famous mountain climber who went by the name Francis the Great. Now Francis loved to climb mountains and she was always up for a challenge. She had climbed all the mountains that were known in the world, and everyone looked up to her greatness. One day Francis read in the paper that a man named George Georgapolis had just found a new mountain, on the island of Hogy Pogy, that was even higher than the tallest mountain in the world. The first person to climb Mt. Georgapolis would win a trillion dollar prize. Excited by the challenge (and the thought of a trillion dollars) Francis rushed to Hogy Pogy to climb the mountain.

As she began the climb she noticed several other climbers had also decided to take the challenge. Determined to get to the top first, she skipped the first rest point, choosing not to let her body get used to the elevation. She went on like this stopping at every third point till she was absolutely sure she was in the lead. Her GPS said she was almost to the top already so despite the fact she was exasperated she kept going up the mountain.

Soon the mountain was so steep and she was so tired she was having a hard time breathing.

“I think I can. I think I can.” She rasped and continued up the mountain.

“I think I can. I think I can.” She spat getting a few feet higher.

“I think I can. I think I ca…” With that she collapsed, falling thousands of feet down the mountain.

The moral of the story is: Sometimes thinking, isn’t enough.

Submitted: September 29, 2011

© Copyright 2021 parkitcharlie. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Facebook Comments

More Humor Miscellaneous

Other Content by parkitcharlie