Valentine's day is here again.
I'd like to gouge Mark's eye out with a pen.
Valentine's day sucks because everywhere I see
People getting cards and flowers, everyone but me.
If Cupid shot his arrow, it flew right past my head.
So I'll be damned if I'll be cheerful and I'm not wearing red!
Other couples are probably having dinner by candlelight.
I think I'll order pizza and get really drunk tonight.
Who in the hell thought up this dreaded day?
I bet they had a boyfriend – damn them anyway.
But I will not be sad just because I suck,
I'll ruin it for others and blow up a florist's truck.
Valentine, Valentine, where are you?
You're not with me, so get a clue.
Maybe I'll find you by next year.
Forget the flowers, just get beer.
I'm easy to please, so you'd have no regret,
Hell, you could even get me a Chia pet!
You will see that I'm really quite a prize,
I have all my teeth and I have both my eyes.
But tonight I'll stick by my Valentineless friends,
Unless you pop up, then it depends.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get a life Cupid and get me one too.
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