Nine Lives in New York

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Two old tom cats reminisce about the good old days. Truth be told, I was doing some work for school and was going out of my mind, and needed to write something meaningless. This was the result! Please read with your best New York accent in mind!

Submitted: November 11, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: November 11, 2012



Nine Lives in New York

“Well it hasn’t been easy I’m tellin ya, the stress of dying eight times already has caused me to lose a fair amount of my pedigree fur. As you know it’s getting harder and and harder to attract the ladies as we get on in lives, Sammy, and I need all the fur I can get!”

“Meow to that brother.”

“And I’ll tell you this too, my feline friend, I’m a hairball away from goin’ kitty on that new guy’s ass let me tell you. He moved in down the block with those fancy humans in their big ass house, handing out scraps to all the strays. He’s maybe on life four and he aint showin’ us the proper respect Sammy. It’s disgusting, I’m telling ya.”

Sammy stretched luxuriously, kneading the edge of the couch he was laying next to with his claws. “What’d ya gonna do Freddy, it is what it is.”

“It isn’t what it is, until I say it’s what it is Sammy, and don’t you forget it, you hear me? I don’t know if I told you this Sammy, but that fat fuck is gonna get a paw across the whiskers if he don’t start showin’ respect. Where’s the nip Sammy? This is our turf and has been for years. If he thinks he can stroll on onto our turf and take all the ladies, he’ll be thinkin' without any teeth soon.”

“Forget about it Freddy, you’re givin’ yourself diarrhea man. Pass me that mouse would ya.”

Freddy pawed over the stuffed grey mouse in Sammy’s direction, and watched him chew it up. “I aint got diahrea man, I ate somethin’ bad, that’s all. It’s over man.”

“Have you seen the litter box man? It looks like a cow sat their ass in there and let lose Freddy. You got a get that checked out man, or you can kiss your last life goodbye. Look at the fur on your ass man, clean that shit up would ya!”

“I don’t know nothing about that Sammy, and you shut your mouth before I shut if for ya, you hearin’ me?”

“Ya, I’m not the only one hearin’ you Freddy, you were meowin’ so loud last night sittin’ in the flower box in front of the kitchen window, you woke the whole god damn neighborhood up.”

“Rrrrrrrrr…… you watch your whiskers Sammy, or I swear you’ll lose two more lives tonight.”

“Put your claws back Freddy, I’m just pullin’ your tail, you know that. Here, pull some of the fur off this mouse, it’s real mouse fur I’m tellin’ ya Freddy, I can smell mouse fur for four blocks away. That’s the real shit man.”

“That aint mouse fur, you fuck up, that’s rabbit fur, everyone knows the difference between rabbit and mouse fur. Sure you aint losin’ it Sammy? You got a temperature or somethin’?

“Hey Freddy, you remember when I was in my second life and you was just in your third? Prowlin’ around like a couple a big shot alley cats? Figthin’ every tom in town we was. You remember that huh?”

“I remember Sammy, we was it in this town, you an’ me.”

“Ya, ya, we was, and remember when you had those humans that lived over in Hoboken, behind that bakery. Man the rats that place brought in, it was like a smorgasbord every night, you remember that Freddy?”

“Ya I remember that too Sammy. We was all that, alright. We’d drag our matted fur back from fighin’ those stinkin rats every night. But the eatin’ was good huh?”

Sammy sat up licking his lips smoothin down his whiskers that were beginning to stand up in excitement, he used his extra saliva to start washing himself. “Oh that was eatin’ alright Freddy, what I wouldn’t do for one of those rats right now.”

“Hey, what the hell you doin’?”


“You was washin’ the fur between your legs man!”

“So what?”

“So what? So what?! So how about I sit here and just drag my furry balls across your face huh? I’ll show you, so what!”

“Freddy you aint got no balls, remember, you was a kitten when your humans had them cut off.”

“I told you before to shut your whiskers, Your this close Sammy.”

“Just sayin’. It aint no big deal, look,” Sammy stretched his leg higher so Freddy to look between his legs. “see, I aint got no balls neither remember?”

“Put your leg down man, what if some young pussy walked around that corner, and you had your no balls showin’. You think she’s gonna wanna get some of that?”

Defeated Sammy put his leg down. “Man Freddy, it aint like it used it be. I remember when we both just got into our seventh life, the old times were gone man. No more mice around, the rats around here got bigger than us, our fur started lookin’ all patchy and shit. What happened to us Freddy? Remember, we used to have balls man.”

“We got old Sammy. We comin’ to the end of our lives now. The good old days are gone my friend. Remember the cats around here four lives ago? We were everywhere man. You couldn’t jump into a dumpster without landin’ on a cousin.”

“Hey Freddy?”

“Ya Sammy?”

“The humans are up. Should we go stand around their feet till they give us a scratch and some fancy feast?”

“Ya Sammy, let’s go get us some chow.” They got up and ran to the kitchen, but Freddy pulled up short out of his sprint and waited for Sammy to come beside him. “Hey Sammy, you got that stash of catnip still.”

“Ya, I got it Freddy. What’d ya thinkin’?”

“I’m thinkin’ after some fancy feast, we invite Fluffy from next door over and have us a nip party!”

“Oh ya Freddy, I’m with you. You remember when…”

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