I wake up to white walls surrounding me. "This is not my bed. This is not my room. Where the hell am I?"
I looked to my side a wall, the other side a person snoring in the bed beside me. There's knocking on the door, I didn’t say a word a woman and a man
barge in and without a word and stick a needle up my arm. Shrieking, I kicked the lady away and curled in the corner. The tears rained down on my cheeks,
The man hauled me up by arm, "we're taking your blood."
"W-w-hat? Why? Where am I?" he looked at me if I was crazy.
"You’re at the Sonoran Behavioral Mental Hospital."
I couldn’t believe it; I ended up at the mental hospital. But just this last morning I woke up in my own bed. I sat bewildered on the bed as the woman stuck needles up my arm, finally they left. I
curled on the bed and tried sleeping, no use, it seemed like days passed by.
I stayed away from everybody scared to my stomach.
Each morning and each night I had medication thrust down my throat; I always spittin them out into the toilet. There were other boys and girls, some my age others older and younger. I sat on the
wall when we went outside alone and away from the others. I ate my meals alone; I wondered why I was here. I didn’t need to be here, I didn’t want to be here.
"Diana R. Report to Amy's office at once." some staff member told me. I trudged along the empty halls and went through the green painted door marked "Amy's
office". A woman with red hair sat in spinning chair writing at her desk. She felt my presence and told me to sit. Quietly I sat down.
"So Diana, how do you like it here?"
"Ugh..." I gulped, "its okay."
"Just okay? Come on now!" I stared blankly at her, "well. Do you know why your here?" I shook my head no. "Well Diana your here because you tried running away,"
okay I remember that "you threatened your mother" ugh no I didn’t, she threatened me! "And you are sexually active." okay and that's why I ended up here? Oh brother. You people must be on crack or
overdosing on our pills. "Do you have anything to say?"
"Ugh ya." I sarcastically answered.
"Well, would you mind saying what you’re thinking?" I wish she would stop using the word 'well'.
"I never threatened my mother. I didn’t hit her; I didn’t lay a finger on her. And if she said so, that’s bullshit!"
"Tsk. Tisk we do not use curse words in this facility." I rolled my eyes bullshit, you people use curse words all the time.
"Diana you are going to be staying here for another month."
"What?!" this lady is fucking crazy
"You’ll be taking anti depressants, anxiety pills, and sleeping pills every day. Okay?"
I think you’re a bitch.
She smiled, "you can go now." I stood up and headed for the door, "Diana." Stopping I turned around, "try to get along with the other kids. They don’t bite." I
smirked and walked out, my head was buzzing. Yet! I came just in time to go outside. I walked out and went to my little spot on the wall a boy of dark skin came to sit next to me.
I smiled at him "ugh hi."
"The name's Rembrandt, but everyone calls me Remy."
He seems nice, "Diana. Remy how long have you been here?"
He kept on smiling; he had glasses and black hair "I’ve been here for 45 days."
"Whoa! And you haven’t managed to go crazy yet?"
He laughed "I think I’ve past the point of going crazy. What you in here for?"
"I just found out I’m in here because I tried running away, apparently I threatened my mother, and imp sexually active. You?"
"I tried jumping off a cliff." he said it so calmly.
"What? And you’re still living? Damn, you are meant to live."
He laughed again "i'm suicidal. I guess I am, because each time I try I stay alive."
"Well I guess that a good thing." the whistle blew and the staff member called us in like a pack of cows.
I got all the rules down in a matter of a week:
no touching each other (no hugs)
boys and girls cannot sit next to each other
there must be an arm's length apart from each person
no sharing personal information
no going into other rooms, beside your own
must be in the room by 10 o'clock each night
girls must sit with girls at meals and guys with guys
no cheeky your meds
no bringing in pencils, markers, crayons, etc. into rooms
and must participate in all group activities
I started talking to the other patients. I got close to Rembri and my roommate, Vanessa she was pretty tight. My sleeping pills always made me do weird things
each night as I was asleep. I'd wake Vanessa up and she'd freak one night I slept with my eyes open, the other I talked in my sleep, and I sleep walked, at one point she went to the staff to take
me off my sleeping meds (they never took me off of them). We went outside each day, we started playing basketball, I loosened up a bit when we played. We'd all laugh and just blast the radio until
the staff yelled at us. Every day a person left and a new person came. One guy came in, his name was George in for mary-jane, the first morning he played footsy with the creeper at breakfast. We
all thought he was gay, we were dead wrong. He'd wink at me every so often and talk to me the most, he always tried to hit on us girls and left us all in confusion.
"George are you gay?"
He laughed, "No. i’m bi"
"ohhh. Okay that makes sense."
"Cause you played footsy with Cameron and are hitting on the girls all the time."
"I hate how we can’t touch people here." that was a quick switch of topic.
"Me too. I mostly miss hugs."
The staff yelled at us to go outside, we all marched out like a line of prisoners with invisible chains. I rolled my eyes; I hated being treated like a piece of
shit, like a prisoner. We got outside and just stood around; the MV (staff) stood behind a wall and talked on his cell. I looked at our sock-clothed feet and hummed, "Pst. Psst." I kept on humming,
"hey you!" I still ignored the person; I didn’t think they were talking to me. I got a tap on my arm, "hey you!"
"Give me a hug." George was talking to me.
"I Cant." he didn’t care he gave me a quick hug, his stomach was weird it made me laugh. We all quickly began giving hugs to one another, B the oversized lesbian
came over and hugged me until I couldn’t breathe, and the MV looked over "what are you doing?"
"Talking about hugs and how much we miss them sir." I shouted,
"Okay. No touching!" I nodded my head and turned around. Another new guy walked through the door he shuffled over to us. "Hi"
"Hi" he had a deep voice and a deep accent.
Everyone else introduced there selves to the new guy. We all got herded inside again for dinner.
We got another outside time after dinner; there I was confronted by the new guy. "You shouldn’t stand that way and you shouldn’t talk that way. And you shouldn’t be talking to guys because
you’re too flirtatious."
"And why do you say that?" my blood was already hot enough after the phone call with my mother and her bullshit still ringing in my ears and I didn’t need his
"Because your pretty as it is, the way you stand shows your curves more, the way you talk is like honey, and to me your are a whore."
"Really? well sorry for making you see me that way, cause for one I’m not, two this is who I am and if you don’t like it go fuck yourself, three were all in a
fuckin loony bin and I wouldn’t be pointing my fingers cause you’re in here with me." I talked quickly and blunt.
"I don’t think you should be talking that way."
"Really? Well I don’t think you should be an asshole, but you are."
"Look bitch fix your attitude and stop being you and focus on your fuckin treatment." My blood began to boil and my hands clenched up into fists George guided me
away before I jumped on the guy.
I walked around our perimeter of outside with George beside me, just boiling with rage inside. I vented at George and later on at Vanessa.
The days passed and people left, I stayed clear away from Josh. It was almost a month and it was only me and Remora left, Vanessa had gone back to some foster
home and George went to another mental clinic. Everyday I and Rembri would talk about our families and the shit we've been through.
A day was left until I was scheduled to leave this place and back to the hell of my mother's home.
Hours passed by too quickly and heard my name being called, "Diana R. your mother is here to pick you up." quickly I hugged Rembri and promised to see him again;
I grabbed his number and grabbed my things and put on actual shoes. I stepped out of the loony bin and walked out into daylight and back into another prison called home.
© Copyright 2016 Penelope Garenther. All rights reserved.