When my walls come down

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
What I feel without you. My walls that I refuse to let down.

Submitted: November 03, 2011

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Submitted: November 03, 2011

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I sat at the table we used to sit at in our math’s class. Where we used to talk and laugh and smile. I watched you walk in out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t  make eye contact. You can call me a coward, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look you in the eye, afraid of having you see the desperation and longing that roams there. So I silently watched you and then let you walk out the door. I missed you then and I miss you still. And at times I think you’ve forgotten I exist until I see you look at me and quickly turn away. But your eyes are blank, your better at this then I am. I know you feel like somethings missing. I don't see it in your eyes but in your actions. I’ve built up walls now. Very rarely do they come down. Very rarely does my smile reach my eyes. I’m not depressed nor do I commit to cutting myself. And I can be happy and I still laugh. But that smile that was only reserved for you is fading, as is the feeling I got when I was with you. What did it even feel like? I can’t explain. All I know is that afterwards, when you weren’t around, id feel empty, was that healthy? But my walls and my mask hides any emotion that might give me away. Not even my closest friends know the full loneliness that dawns of me. It will always be there. Sometimes harder to feel but always there, reminding me I’m alone, although surrounded by dozens. I’ll answer when spoken to, ill smile when told a joke; you won’t see me falling apart…. On the outside. On the inside I’m a wreck. Like the remains after a battle, bits and pieces - emotions and feelings - all sprawled all over the place. On the inside I’m slowly dying. And only after the door closes and the blinds are drawn and the silence that makes every little sound, sound bigger, does a tear finally slide down my cheek. Only then do I finally succumb to my feelings. Till I’m numb.

 

Please just talk.


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