Tear Stained Girl

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is the story of a sad girl's perfect plan. An unexpected ending that will make you mad, smile or even cry...the choice is up to you.

Submitted: May 19, 2011

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Submitted: May 19, 2011

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Tears fell down my face but a smile spread across my face and anger filled my eyes. I had thought of a way to make Her live the rest of Her life in misery. I threw my head back and screamed out a laugh that would send chills up your spine. I sat down and grabbed some papers and a pencil. I scribbled my plans out and occasionaly drew pictures of a tormented girl. I finished, my smiled didnt leave my face nor did the tears stop. I hesitated to look in the mirror, I took a deep breath and slowly looked up. I cried out and hid my face. The reflection in the mirror filled me with fear. This was the first time i was truly scared of my own reflection. I didnt matter though, i knew it would all be worth it.

I gasped and dug my nails in my arm until the memories faded. I screamed. This was all Her fault. No ones but Hers. I smiled, and im going to make sure She never forgets it. Blood dripped down my arm, i looked at it admiring the color. I held my arm above my face until the blood dripped on me.

I looked in the mirror and saw the blood drop looked like a tear drop under my eye. I smiled hard. I look beautiful, the darkness in my heart seemed to seep out from me. I dared not to cry in case i ruin my blood tear. I wished it could stay there forever, as if it would symbolize the pain in my heart.

The mask of happiness i wore for years seem to be too good. So now the ones close to me cant even see the pain i bear. They cant see just how black my frozen dying heart is. I scream at them. I scream why cant there be one, just one who can see the true me. I scream because my mask is much too good. I scream because the bad things that happen to me get instantly buried in the depths of my heart.

I throw myself on my bed. I lay there thinking, why? why cant anyone hear me crying? why cant they see my tear stains? Im crying but no one can hear me.

I fall deep into depression. I am now in the depths of my heart where my unhealed pain has been festering. The smell of my true self fills the air and pitch black darkness surrounds me. I walk alone. I can see my friends in a dim light. I run towards them but they start fading. They are walking away, i call to them but my voice is lost in the darkness. I scream for them as tears pour from my eyes. They are gone.

I crumble and hold myself as i cry my heart out. I scream again and again for them to come back but no one hears them. I dont know how long i lay there but i know the tears are neverending and i dont want to get up.

I make myself sit up and i look around as i keep sniffling. I see a dim light, my heart beats faster. I spring up and run. I can now see my family standing together smiling and my heart lights up. I run faster, they call to me. I think i can make it. Something pulls them back and they cry for me to hurry.

My heart screams, I can almost reach them. My mom holds her arms out to me and tears of joy run down my face but then i see the consequnces of going to her. She smiles happily but pain fills her eyes. I cry in fear now. Now i know that if i reach her she would be in pain even though she wishes with all her heart for me to grab her.

With a pain in my heart i slow down, she cries for me to hurry. I need her so desperatly but not desperatly enough that I would burden her even more. I swallow my pain for a few moments and smile to her, i reassure her im alright. I am still smiling as she fades from my world. But as soon as she disappears my smile turns from happiness and confidence to pain and sadness. I will never regret hiding my true pain from her. never.

Once again i crumble and cry. But this time i dont cry as much. this time im happier even though my heart is breaking. im sad because im hiding my true self from her when i know she would help me but im also happy because i did hide my true self from her, even though she would help me i would still give her pain with my heavy burden. She has already been through so much that i could not bear to burden her with a burden so heavy.

I sit up again and look around. Another dim light comes into my view. This time i see Her. My heart fills with joy. I run to Her. Happy memories with Her surround me. I smile. Shes calling me. Im so close to Her. I grab Her hand and happiness fills me. tears of joy fall from my eyes as i feel the warmth of Her hand. I hug Her and she hugs back. I hold onto Her desperatly. the air around Her is so innocent to my pain.

She smiles at me but Her smile ever so slowly fades. My darkness is pressing on Her. the weight of my burden is pushing Her down. she holds to me for strength but shes too weak. Her smile is gone and she is fighting to get out of my grasp. I pull back a little bit. she can breath again but the memory of the pain scares Her. My pain is too much. My burden too heavy. i give Her Her space to recover. i come back but before i could grab Her hand she runs.

Im screaming. I cry out Her name so many times, she glances back but keeps running. i scream again and again and again. shes gone now and now theres an empty spot. the warmth of Her hand fades from my hand as the happiness fades from my heart. I cry and cry as i look at my hand she once held so loyally. my darkness creeps into the spot she once was. the coldness hit me. now that i had felt the warmth the cold hurt even more. I scream, the coldness hit me like tiny knifes stabbing me all over.

I fear to look up again. the question 'Why does everyone leave me?' haunts me. I fear the warmth. I fear it will leave me once again. The pain of it hurts me so much but I need them warmth so much, so deeply and desperately. I thought she cared. I thought i was loved. but it hurts so much. more then i ever felt before. more then i thought it would. now im filled with nothing. Only betrayal and revenge hold onto me, both as cold as the pure darkness.

I cover my eyes and hold my head up. I peek through my fingers and see nothin. I drop my hands. I can now see it. Its a light dimmer then the rest. I squint my eyes. i walk foward cautiously. I recognize her, she has the eyes the color of a happy blue sky. i couldnt see her at first because her light is darker then Hers. her light knows some of my pain. She smiles at me and beckons me to her. I walk slowly and then a little faster. she beckons me again. i look in her blue eyes and see they are not so happy. they too share a deep pain. but she is smiling happily. I walked faster, i reach her. She hold her hand out patiently to me. I slowly reach to put mine in hers. I look in her eyes again, she is like me.

I hold her hand. she smiles and hugs me. i pull away in case my darkness is too much. She holds tighter. i sob tears of relief and joy in her arms. I hold tight to her. My darkness fades little by little as it tries to push her down. her darkness fights back and refuses to lose to mine. i smile tears of joy as we hold onto each other. she looks happily at me as if she was happy i could bear her burden as well. although her darkness is much lighter then mine hers will not lose so easily, she is still happy. She unlike me refuses to despair.

I look over her shoulder and see the innocent light that abandoned me. Her eyes as green as perfect grass look sorrowfully at me. Something inside me screams. I stop hugging blue eyes and hold her hand tightly instead. I scream at the green eyes but She is deaf to my screams and pain.

Anger fills me once again. I wake up from the depths of my heart.

I cry until i become completly numb. I lay there staring at nothing. thinking nothing.

Now that I cried all of the tears I could I no longer feel sadness of the loss of Her but regret for Her in losing me. I also feel vengeful against Her. I want to make Her regret the pain she caused me. I needed Her so much and she turned Her back on me. She didnt say a word, she just left. She knew how I felt yet she still hurt me. she should be scared of me now, very scared.

I sat up and looked over the papers next to me. I smiled as I read them. I fantasied about it. I got up and looked for everything I needed. I looked at the calender and colored in tomorrow in red. I slipped on my pj's and curled in bed smiling. I couldnt wait for tomorrow. I couldnt wait.

I woke up energized. I looked over my plans again. Since my mask was made for me to seem happy all the time i smile all the time. I smile when im scared, happy, mad and sad. People think im joking when i smile when im sad and they dont believe me when i say im sad. I sat down and wrote a long emotional letter for my mom. I cried but i remained determained.

I went through my day as normal, acting no different then the last day. As I walked through the store in a crowd of people I wondered if anyone could see the pain under my mask. My mask wasn't as strong as it use to be so I wondered if anyone could penatrate it now.

Evening came quickly and everyone was going to bed. I stood over my mothers sleeping body and bent down and kissed her forehead gently. I whispered I love You in her ear. I slid the letter under her pillow but let it stick out so she could see it.

I walked to my room. I got my paint out. I painted black and blood red tears. I painted a smile on my face. I painted eyes on my eyelids. I picked out a outfit that flattered me. I grabbed my big leather eskimo jacket that was a gift from my mother and grandpa. I put it on. I slung my bag on and walked outside. I said goodbye to my dogs and cats. I walked through the city admiring the flashing lights.

I reached my destination. I climbed the flight of stairs. I reached the roof. I pulled out my cell. I dialed Blue eyes number. I made it go straight to voicemail. I told her she was the most wonder friend in the entire world, she always made me happy. I was going to do something that would make her sad but she shouldn't blame herself in any way or else I wouldn't forgive her. I told her I loved her and even though we weren't blood related she would be my one and only sister. I assured her everything was going to be fine and to please be my friend after this was all done.

I hung up. Now I dialed Her number. I made it go straight to voicemail. I took a deep breath and asked her why she left me, why she abandonded me. Did she hate me? Why did she replace me? Since she left me I felt miserable and i didnt know why i felt so incredibly horrible. She never tried to talk to me. Not once, I was always the one who said something first. So since she didnt care about me anymore I would make her miserible for the rest of her life. I was going to kill myself. I blamed it all on her. I screamed that this was all her fault and i hoped after this she would live the rest of her life in a living hell. I hoped she would never feel happy again. I screamed I hated her. I cried as I screamed. I said i wish i could see her face when she heard this and when she finds out im dead.

I hung up laughing. I crumbled. I screamed out as if i was in pain but as the same time i couldnt stop smiling even though the tears didnt stop pouring. I laughed when I couldnt scream. I laughed as my mind left me. When i caught my breath I grabbed my bag.

Inside was my I.D. so the police would know who i was. There was also my favorite stuffed animal, Miss Bunny, my MP3 with headphones and a set of fairy wings I got on sale after the holidays. I put my wings on. I turned on my MP3, stuck the earphones in. I selected the song and played it on repeat. The words "Somebody save me! Save me!" kept repeating. I picked up my cell and dialed 911. When i spoke to someone I told them there was a attempted suicide. They asked the location and i told them. They asked who it was and after a moments I replied "me". I hung up.

I looked over the edge and saw no one around. I sat there waiting until i heard sirens. I looked up into the sky. I searched for the stars and smiled. I felt a rain drop fall on my face. I smiled. The sky seemed to be crying along with me. I walked a few feet away from the edge. I left my bag on the ground. I hugged Miss Bunny tightly. This is it.

I sprinted. I turned my head so I was facing the sky as i fell. It felt so wonderful.

I felt so alive. I was truly happy. I whispered "I love you mommy"

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?EPILOGUE?

It was raining. A crowd of people dressed in black held their umbrellas. Someone was talking. People started crying. It was over. They started to walk away. A dirty blond girl walked to another blond who was standing in front a picture of a smiling dark haired girl.

The dirty blond with grass green eyes said something to the blond with sky blue eyes. The blue eyes whipped around and slapped the green eyes. The green eyes cried out and said something. The blue eyes looked enraged and she jumped on the green eyes hitting and scratching and pulling. The green eyes was surprised and tried to get the blue eyes off her but the blue eyes held on tightly. Others tried to stop them. The blue eyes started crying as she hurt the green eyes. She screamed that it was the green eyes fault. Someone managed to pull them apart. The green eyes was covered in mud. She said something spiteful to the blue eyes. The blue eyes slipped out of the grasp of those who tried to stop her and she attacked green eyes again.

Thats how I imagine my funeral to be. Although thats not what I planned for this time.

I opened my eyes. A light was blinding me. I closed them again. I opened again. This time my eyes adjusted faster. I turned my head. My mother sleeping next to me. I smiled. I slowly sat up. My head spinned. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. I opened them again. I leaned over my mom and started gently singing a song she use to sing to me when I was little. My voice seemed horse and cracked. She stirred. she looked up at me and smiled. I caressed her face to show her she was not dreaming. Her eyes widened and she cried out.

We sat there for a long time hugging. I felt a little guilty for not feeling as happy as I should. As happy as she was. But it couldnt be helped. I only felt emotion mildly now. I was bored easily unfortuatly. She called for the nurse. The nurse came and called for the doctor. The doctor asked me questions while checking me. I told him I knew who I was. But i told them i didnt know why i was here or what happened.

I knew everyone would be mad at me so I decided to pretend I didnt know what happened. It would be easier that way. I asked for how long was i here. They looked at each other uncertain on how i would take the news.

A month they told me. I looked down and saw how skinny I was. I smiled. I dont know why but I couldn't stop. I decided I didnt care and Id just let people see the real me now. It was too tiring to wear a mask any longer. I looked up at them with a huge smile on my face. They looked at me strangely. I felt like laughing. I told them I was hungry and they left to get some food. My mind is crooked now. More then before. I didn't care. I couldn't stop smiling. Finally I felt happily at peace with myself.

This was my chance to start over but this time as myself. my plan had worked perfectly, to the dot. i was proud of myself, truly proud. For the first time this Tear Stained Girl is unafraid to look beneath the cold, hard, black mask i wore.

I laid back down, smiled, and waited for whatever came next in my life.

THE END

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