A Frightening Thought
(Hasn’t Happened Yet)
Getting the one phone call that makes my stomach get a good work out.The walk to the phone gets longer and it seems like I will
never get there. My heart races and the ring seems to surround me, suffocating, unbearable, dreading to hear those words. Those words that make my throat swallow my mouth.My hands shake when I pick
up the receiver, the thump, thump, thump of my heart beat drowns my ears as a storm comes in from the west on an angry ocean waves.A strained “Hello” pushes it self out.It was an effort, like
trying to say something in a dream and nothing comes out.
“We regret to inform you that your mother has passed away.” I hear the strange caller. Do they really regret to inform me? Do they
really care that my mother is dead? Do they know her like I do? Do they even know what it is like to lose their mothers; their confidant? Was she there for them?What are they sorry
I feel like I am frozen in time, as the whole earth stops to tell me the horrid news.Who is going to be by my side?Who is going to
help me when I am in jam or sick with the flu?I don’t say anything; the person on the other line keeps saying “Hello, are you there?” I still don’t speak.I hang up the phone detached from my body.
It feel like I am a puppet and someone was pulling the strings.
For the first time I feel like I can’t move on. I feel something beside me, but out of reach.I thought I heard a whisper,
“everything is going to be alright”, when feeling like my world is dieing before my eyes.
A stranger, reads our mothers Will and Testament. We try to remember what she said; which family gets what? An empty house without
my mother, an empty room, nothing left but her smell to remind us that she is still with us.Pictures to remind us of the good times, and we gather together and share memories that bring the tears
and the bittersweet laughter.
The long drive to the shore,to my mother’s favorite place where we go to say good-bye to our mother for one last time.My heart feels
tight. My throat wants to sob for one last time.Slow movements out of the car when we arrive. I take out our mother and I give it to my brother to do the honors.Each of us takes a turn saying our
good -byes.Oldest goes first.
I am unable to say anything. I have written what I want to say. My words are lost in an ocean of tears. I try to speak again, but
all that comes out is choking back on the tears.
My brother sets her free. She flies away to the heavens, becoming a part of the air, the ocean, the rain and the earth which keeps
her alive for eternity.
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