What is Superman without the Super?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
response to challenge!supposed to be a comedy with the topic of superman.

Submitted: July 05, 2008

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Submitted: July 05, 2008

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"I have finally found the secret!" cried a mad, bald rich guy.

"Have you really?" siad some creepy dude that is obviously a henchmen.

"Oh yes! Soon his power will be mine!Mwwuahahahahahaha!" he laughed maniacllly reveling in his triumph. All the while crime was in the city's midst and who was there to stop it? A curly haired guy that can fly, aka Superman.

"Hey Kent, you look like shit." said a nice colleage.

"I was up all night researching a story." said curly haired, four eyes guy, aka Clark Kent.

"You and research, you know you could just make it all up, whose there to stop you?"

"Someone you wouldn't know, his name is conscience."

"Yea, yea, we can't be do-gooders." said the ever nice colleage.

Clark Kent walked over to his cubicle, his extremely messy cubicle. For a superhero you would htink he'd be more tidy. He wish he could clean it, but he never has the time.

"Geez Clark, pigsty much?"said the ever so popular bimbo, Lois Lane. Forgetting everything but knowing how to sit there and smile like a lovestruck cartoon, he just nodded. Thinking that he was mentally challenged she just stood there smiling back like another big idiot. Remembering how to make conversation he said,"Yeah, I don't get much time to clean up. You know how it is, deadlines are a bitch."

"Yeah they're a real killer. SOmetimes I wish I could just get right into the boss's face and then shoot his big fat head off." she laughed, and he laughed as well while picturing so a peculiar image. "yea he can be such an ass." On the TV , breaking news was happening."Here we are live in front of the biggest bank in the city.Im Cathy Freshie here with this breaking news, the bank is being robbed by none other than billionare Lexx Luther. Why he would rob a bank is beyond me." Clark was watching the report intensly and as soon as he heard baldies name he said,"Sorry Lois, i gotta go." and he sped off leaving a bewildered bimbo behind. He was in such a rush that he almost forgot to change into Superman. As he flew there people were crowding around the bank and as soon as they saw him they said,"Its a bird, no its a plane, no its curly haired guy!! said annoying crowd people.

Superman broke through the barricaded doors, ready to do battle.Surprisingly there was none. Not a single henchmen lunged to get him which was very odd."Ah Superman, glad you could make it "

"What are you doing here Lexx?"

"Well you don't leave a number so I thought this was the best way to get your undivided attention, and it worked."

"What do you want?"

"To distract you of course, and it seems to be working. Don't you get your heroes liscence revoked for that?"

"Distract me from what?"

"I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind, and I left my body lyin somewhere in the sands of time, i watched the world flip to the darkside of the moon, i feel like theres nothing i can do...yea, ...........if i go crazy then will you call me superman, if im alive and well will you be there holding my hand? i'll keep you by my side, with my superhuman, my kryptonite...." Lexx was singing Kryptonite by 3Doors Down, to further distract Superman and give him a hint to what he was doing.

"Lexx why are you singing?"

"Don't you get it, you curly-haired-shit-for-brains-superhero???? ITS KRYPTONITE!!"

"Yes i know but why are you singing it?"

"Look around you, you dimwit." Then Superdude did look around and saw glowy green stuff surounding him, and thats when he went "AH SHIT" and blacked out.

Superdude woke up to the sound of a mechanical razor."WTF??!!" He looked around as much as he could and saw that he was chained down by glowy green stuff and that a barber was standing over his head with the razor and Lexx right next to him with a gleeful expression plastered on his face.

"Wanna know what im doing Clark?? I am removing the source of your power. How did i find out? Simple, i was in my evil lair trying to think why you always beat me at my grandest schemes. Then I got to thinking, well what does he have that I don't?? Superpowers obviuosly, glowy meteot weakness, and curly hair. Then I was like THATS IT, it has to be, that curly hair has to be the source of your power. When the meteor hit I was turned bald as a child. And you had ready made curly hair. So I thought to myself, why not just take his hair and transfer it to myself? And thus my most grandest scheme was formed."

"Your crazy Lexx! It will never work!"

"Watch as i am about to prove you wrong." and he gave the barber the signal to commence.

For secrecy sake they blindfolded the now blind Clark in order to dump him in the middle of nowhere.Then they removed the blindfold and left him there. So he staggered home, mourning the loss of his hair, and to everybody's amazement,his powers. Thats right, Clark Kent was BALD! How was he supposed to explain to people what happened. He had no answer. As he entered his apartment he turned on the tv to see if havoc was now going around the city. Apparently it was, and Clark was about to jump out his window when he remembered he can't fly. He returned to the TV and what he saw made him want to crawl into a hole and die. There on the screen was Lexx Luther. Only he had now Clarks curly hair and a replica of his superman outfit. What happened next chilled him to the bone. Lois was at the scene too and aparently one of the victims. Then Lexx swooped in and saved everybody, manly Lois and she didn't even notice the difference between this superman and the old one. Then the most brutal thing that could ever happen, happened. Lexx proposed to Lois, and she said yes. Clark almost had a heart attack.

"Wow Lois, your so lucky, getting saved by the superhero then marrying the guy." said a person at work the next day.

"I know, i was soo shocked, but i knew in my heart it was right..." she trailed off when she saw the blad Clark walking in for work, and what made it worse is that he now had killer acne as well. As a child he always wondered why he never got any acne, now he knew why.

"Clark what happened to you?"

"Just a bad accident." he said quickly trying to avoid the topic.

"Clark did you hear, Lois here is marrying a superhero, can you believe it?"

"Yea i saw that, its pretty unbelievable."

"So whens the date?"

"Well he wanted it as soon as possible so tommorow."

"T-t-t-tomorrow??" Clark asked in horror.

"Yea, we were going to elope isn't that great?"

"Yea, yea...."

Completely shocked by what he just heard he kept walking, and walking, and walking untill, he walked right through an open window and fell 3 stories down and died. Not a person seemed to care. The world kept moving. Lois got married, never noticing that the man she married wasn't the man she though he was. Somebody filled in Clarks job, crime was evertywhere and then so was Lexx, who seemed to grow a conscience. Lois was now pregnant with their baby. Everything was peaceful.

Untill one night Lois was walking home from some place or other and was suddenly pulled into an alleway. She tried to scream but the person quickly put their hand over her mouth. "Lois its me remember?"

"Clark?"

"Yes, unbelievable isn't it?"

"I thought you were dead."

"Technically i still am."

"What are you?"

"A vampire."

"What do you want then?"

"The thing we never got a chance to have, love." Then he picked her up and as a flash took her to his lair and chained her up. Then he said"Theres no use screaming for your hubby, we're waaay underground, theres no way he can hear you."

"Why are you doing this Clark?"

"Throughout my pathetic existence all i wanted was your love, something i couldn't even get as a superhero. Thats right Lois, that husband of yours is not who you think he is. He's Lexx Luther and never was he your superhero. That was me, but he stole my powers and then stole you. I was in such a daze, I don't even remember falling or anything that happened afterwards. And here we are. Me a bloodsucker and you my soon to be wife."

"Never Clark, never would i marry you. Im happily married to my husband and now carry his child.We are very happy."

"Thats too bad. Guess im going to have to render you to the darkness like myself then you don't have to worry about him anymore. of course the baby wont survive the change but we can always have another." he said as he walked up to her staring at her neck.

"No, please dont"

"Please you say, well then that changes everything."

"Really?"

"No." then he sunk his teeth into her neck and sucked her blood. But as fate would have it, he accidentally sucked her dry, so he could not change her.

"Aw man. Oh well, i'll just leave it as a present for dear old Lexx." So he carried her corpse and flew to her home and left her on the bed then a note. On it said, hows it like being super now? from an old friend. Then he swooped out just as Lexx swooped back in. He saw his wife and immediatley registered no heartbeat he read the note and then hugged her body. Accidentally crushing her bones into dust as well as the fetus.

"Oh what have i done!!" he yelled through tears.

Listening to his breakdown, Clark laughed maniaclly and said, "Whose Super now?" and flew through the night.


© Copyright 2017 pheonixchild. All rights reserved.

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