Logical Linguist

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
An In Depth Research On The Limitation Of Today's Language

Submitted: November 20, 2007

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Submitted: November 20, 2007

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The other day I was busy. That’s quite an event as almost 99.99% of the time (i.e. 31532846.4secs in an year) I am not busy. Well, the term is relative as to me even sitting idle is an effort; so it can easily qualify for being at work. But then that is another story altogether.

Coming back to the event - as I was busy, I kept my mobile in the silent mode so that I do not get distracted in that time corridor. Finally when the phase passed (it lasted 3153.6 secs to be precise) I looked at the phone to find out if any one had called. Since, I don’t receive much of a call apart from a few people who wants to hunt me down after reading my intellectually stimulating piece of literature; I was not expecting to find much.

To my surprise there happened to be a call made by one of the very few ladies I know. Thinking the lady luck has finally woken up; I called her up and apologized for not being able to pick up the call as “I couldn’t feel her call”.

And all hell broke loose. I was reminded to be descent; also I was advised to learn to speak to ladies. Okay, I agree my conversation with the fairer sex is highly limited, but being asked to learn the trade is somewhat insulting.

That too for something I said which I believed was very much within the limits (that’s the word she uttered and asked me to be within)

I still don’t understand what indecent word I told her. My phone was in the silent mode and kept carefully on the table. It vibrated when she called and since the phone was not in contact with my skin I couldn’t feel the vibration. It all makes sense.

Literally, I didn’t feel her call so I couldn’t pick it up.

I never realized that a harmless and logical conversation would attract such a hullabaloo.

Maybe the problem lays in the fact that though the evolution of technology and civilization is in a high gear, the language we use is still sitting where it was some 200yrs back.

When Mr. Bell invented the telephone, only thing it used to do is make sound like tring tring. Forget about vibration, it didn’t used to make any other noise. So it was perfectly okay to say I didn’t hear your call. But today we are in an advanced technology world. The phone vibrates and when it does you need to feel it to know someone is calling.

There are many such instances of the limitation in the language

We say red as a hot coal. Now, my point is how many of the younger one has seen red-hot coal in an oven, which my granny used to use to boil milk. This is the world of Microwave ovens and the coil inside also turns red on heating.

So will I be wrong if I say, “Hey your wife will be red hot like a microwave oven coil when she comes to know that you are drunk”. I believe that the listener will be able to relate more with the microwave oven than the coal oven.

The other day, I told a person that his house is like an Igloo. What I meant was it was cool in fact, very cool.

Now we all know that Igloos are cool. Of course, they will be. Cool can mean anything. Cool like cucumber (which I believe is more of moderate cool), Cool like a refrigerator (which is somewhere in between) but there is no such description for Igloos. They are THE COOL – very specific.

I guess, the person was not that much amused listening to this. At least, the way he served me the food in his house warming party, suggest so.

Not many days back, I tried to strike a conversation with one the members of the fairer sex. It is a confession that I was somewhat attracted to her and for a change she also seem to be harvesting the same feeling. In a desperate attempt to win over her, I wanted to compliment her. And I told her that she makes me feel like a teenager. All was well till that time. However, in over enthusiasm I also added that it is the same feeling which I felt when I first saw the first porn in the Internet. Highly honest statement and there was nothing erotic in it.

Imagine how you feel when you see the first porn in the Internet. There are goose bumps all over your body for the excitement, thumping in the heart from the fear that you may get caught. There is nothing erotic or sexual in that feeling. And isn’t it the same feeling when you try to woo a girl? The same goose bumps, the same thumping of the heart due to anticipation.

But I guess the girl took it the other way round.

There can be so many instances, which I can narrate.

My sincere belief is that the human should take a sincere effort to upgrade their linguistic database. When we are living in the world of Giga Bytes, talking about bytes will make you sound like a dinosaur roaring – see what I mean was extinct, but guess most of you couldn’t get the link.

The need of the hour is of Logical Linguist and not just Linguist.


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