Jack Schitt

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Who was Jack Schitt

Just Who Is Jack Schitt Anyway?
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parent's wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as "Noe Schitt-Sherlock."
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens" wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were: Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.
 
 


Submitted: April 30, 2008

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Comments

Don Vito Corleone

This is the most fucking funny thing ever, Taz, 10 owda ten, This is also a very reasoning short story...eh? Here take a fucking MENTOS!!!!!!!!!! haha!...eh?

Your's truly...Don Vito Corleone.

Wed, April 30th, 2008 10:11am

PISSEDOFFPOET

I HAVE MET JACK IN PERSON!

Wed, April 30th, 2008 12:57pm

richard camphuis

Funny and creative. The last line was great.

Tue, October 13th, 2009 3:55pm

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