A letter to Mathew

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: February 16, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 16, 2018

A A A

A A A


Its 2 in the morning and I can’t sleep... again,
it seems that when I can’t sleep, the thing that keeps my mind awake is the thought of you and my every little insecurity that drives me mad.
It’s the months passing and the thought of you and my knowing of you like the back of my hand.
I know that you bite your fingernails when your angry, or how when your upset you don’t like to talk about it, to the simple things like how you will eat really anything, I know how you like to sleep on your side to provide you with more comfort, or how you will get to work half an hour early so you can wake up before you start work… I know every single little detail about you, from the way that you stand to the sound of your breathing. I know the touch of your warm skin that makes me feel so loved, the touch of your lips on my forehead or the way you tuck my hair behind my ears because you think I look pretty like that.

I know that no one will ever know you like I know you, love you like I love you or care about you as much as I do.

I believed I was incapable of being loved before I met you, I was certain no one would see the beauty in my smile, the passion in my eyes or the hurt when I cry. I thought I was useless, I often wondered why would I, the girl who can’t love herself have anybody fall for her, have someone so special who treasures the moments we share, cherishes every single second we spend together. someone who would miss me when I was gone. someone who would hold me when I was hurting.

As the months fly by I learn new things about you every single day, I know how when your hair grows it curls, when your beard grows you get little orange hairs, how your top lip moves funny when you eat, its these little things that I know about you that no one would ever notice without my words.

When I think back on how my life was without you, all I can see is a sad girl. Terrified, broken and lost. I’ve had my hear broken 2 times before you and every time I would sit there and promise myself I would never let anybody else in. If you could have seen my heart before I met you, it would be black and blue like scarring bruises, on the inside just a pitch-black lump of tar. Then when I met you, my heart turned purple like healing bruises, I knew that there was something special about you, like a shooting star or a full moon, I knew that you were the one god put me on earth for, and if you aren’t then I never want to meet the person I was made for because I know in my heart you are the one.

We instantly clicked, you could tell me anything and I could pour my heart out to you because I knew that you were going to listen, you were going to help me and put me back together. It was so easy for me to gain the feeling of comfort, and you gave me exactly that.

I’m confusing, like a puzzle, you never know what piece goes where and how to put me together but you always figure it out. The love we share is incomparable to anything I have ever experienced.

I remember our first kiss, when we first held hands, the first hug we shared, the first time I felt the warmth of my blush spreading across my face under the eyes that were staring into yours. I constantly wanted you around and I spent my time wishing you felt the same.

I would like to compare our memories to the stars but stars burn out eventually and that will never happen with us. Every memory we share from the good to the bad makes us who we are, little things we can look back on and reminisce about when things get rough. We are so Intune with each other and became the two beings people would never see apart. Things are easy with you, our friendship quickly blossomed into a growing love, but I couldn’t always see that from the start.

When you leave early in the morning and I wake up without you here, I feel safe because I can still smell your fragrance and your lingering warmth that energises the room. Your love, beauty and your dancing eyes that I could get lost in drive me crazy. I was lucky enough to stumble across you, the man who sparks fireworks in my heart, the man who loves every inch of my body, doesn’t think I’m disgusting because I have stretchmarks on my hips or a little to many freckles on my face.

It fills me with grief when I cannot be around you every second of the day, not because I’m clingy but because you are the thing that keeps me going. Its not every day you will find someone who doesn’t care how weird you are, a man who will let you squeeze his pimples, or pull stray hairs out of his arms

Finding you was like searching for a tiny button in a field of grass, a perfect shell in the sand. It’s almost impossible when you think about it.

I don’t have a perfect past and I don’t believe anybody does, we all have things we are shamed to talk about, but you listen to my sad story’s, my stories with no meaning and the happy ones too.

When I hear your deep voice my heart leaps with gladness, I feel chills and cold air that surround me when your run your finger tips along my hand, arms or legs.

I’m sorry I don’t always cook and I complain when you ask me to do things for you, but I try. I try so hard but sometimes I need help. I’m normally bubbly and goofy but sometimes life gets the better of me, my insecurity’s pin me down and make me think for the worst when I know you’re the best.

Loving you is like a crazy cycle, I knew I needed you when I first laid eyes on you and it was a wonderful coincidence that you needed me too.

I am cold without you, my lips would turn blue if I didn’t have you, my eyes would glaze over, I am consumed in the idea that you are the only one for me and that I would literally die if I lost you.

I love you Mathew, and I hope you will always feel the same too.

 


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