Loop holes and Thumb tacks, oh fuck me were are we at?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
not done yet.

Submitted: March 18, 2009

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 18, 2009



Just lemme get on my playlist….

Ah one, ah two, ah one, two, three, four.

Thebeats kicked in, slow at first with a few drums, a little guitar here and there and I turned up my ipod. Ipizzle as I like to call it. I block the city sounds as I’m riding my bus back home. I can’t stand the sound of people coughing, arguing on cell phones, babies crying or punk ass kids creating mayhem. Surprising I was one of them back in the day. Too bad im not that old.

Im thinking over and over about the fight me and Sami had today, and how I fucked up with Kaylie. Now it just looks like a cluster fuck of people fucking. I talk to the owner of the coffee shop, we know each others lives, our stories, but we agreed not to tell each others names and that I could only come in after hours. Weird huh?

“We fought again today, over nothing. She comes in guns blazing claiming I’m cheating on her cause i didnt come home one night yadda yadda yadda - so I guess it wasn’t over nothing.”

“well did you cheat on her?”

“not to that extent I mean I wouldn’t consider it cheating…”

“well what the fuck did you do?”

“uh…well, we, Kaylie and I, were inEvansjeep. Just chilling there ripping the piece and were listening to some old Paul Simon”

“what album?”

“ryhtmn of the saints”

“ah good album.”

“I thought so”

“so go on..”

“oh right, well were sitting there staring at each other and it just happens. I don’t know man it was like this magnetic vibe we got and just WHAM into each other.”

“fucking fag”


“magnetic vibe? What the fuck dude are you some sort of poet?”

“no man im not saying that, fuck, I mean like, we just kinda, collided heads in a not-so-much-pain way. It was great.”

“Bro your going out with Sami.”

“yah I know. Believe me I know.”

“And this Kaylie girl…has a boy friend as well?”

“yah man.”

“well what the fuck dude, what are you doing?”

“fuck man I don’t know I guess im doing both, well I haven’t done kaylie I just kinda kissed her.”

“that’s not good man, what the fuck are you doing with Sami? You cant pull that shit with her man, who do you like more?”

“I think I like kaylie more man I don’t know. Its fucking weird. But like Sami loves me and I can’t do that to her.”

“Well why don’t you just dump Sami? You guys fight all the time anyways.”

“Yah I know but..”

“But what yo?”

“dude I don’t know, Sami’s great. Shes a dime a dozen, and me? Me-im a dozen on a ten scale, were fucking perfect together if I wasn’t such an arrogant prick.”

“You’re arrogant, but you’re nota prick. You have some sort of conscience.”

Well heres my situation, im curently in a relationship with Sami for 5 months now thenthis girl Kaylie comes to me out of the blue wanting to smoke some ganja. That sounds like a friendly request right? It did till i was in her appartment two nights ago with my hand down her pants playing dj for the night-fuck me right? SO now i seem to be in limbo of what to do. Kaylie completely digs me, and Sami is in love with me and i seem to want them both.I turn up rhythm of the saints louder and my head is vibrating against the bus window. What the fuck should I do? Im supposed to meet up with kaylie tonight and burn a bit. I get a text from her around 10:30pm, exclaiming she can’t wait to burn AGAIN. Ooh joy. I can’t either actually so I get into the shower as fast as possible and scrub my body down. Gotta smell good. I pick her up, she looks nice. If I haven’t described her yet, this is how I would do it. Blonde bomb shell, I just like how that sounds, good body, she was a costal girl, now we live in the city. Fuck life I hate the city. Shes from North Carolina.Southern girls are always the best fuck, always. Well I pick her up, in my roommate, evans, red jeep. She hops in exclaiming she loves the red jeep. I do too, but I don’t say that. Gotta remain calm. We have some short talk and we decide to finally pack the apple. Yes were burning outta an apple. You might ask, well how the fuck do you do that? Well this is how- You have an apple in your hand and you take a pen. It has to be like on of those BIC pens that are kinda skinny…well you need one of them. Rip off the stem and where the stem was poke the pen into it. Make sure you don’t go all the way through, sorta in the middle of the apple. Well then poke another hole into the side of the apple and blow out all the excess apple waste. There you go. This was the smoking device for us jersey kids back in the day. We were a poor costal town. We're high as kites and just staring out into the street in the red jeep. Its smokey as hell, and were just chilling in it, breathing in more and more fumes.We people watch for what seems like a hot minute but really its been about ten. Since were sitting in a space looking at Gold's Gym we see people come and go throughout the hour, gym closes at 12 am. She looks at me and goes, "do you have a cigarette?" I look at her and grin, ive been working on this grin for a long time in the mirror, trying to make it perfect, "yes i do, hope you like reds?" She tells me she loves reds, but i personally have seen menthol in her purse. We decide that it would be a good idea to start driving for go knows what reason, and we end up driving to a 7-11 down the street. She buys coffee, she looks at me and goes "i like my coffee how i like my men, black". Some how that was the funniest thing in the world.

Now this is where shit gets bad, we go to the counter and she looks at me and goes, "do you have a rubber?" I was taken back by the remark, and i look at her and she bites her lip, and says it again "do you have a rubber?"

I look at her and i go, "Kaylie, im in love with Sami. i Can't do this to her, she would never do it to me. She loves me and i love her. We've been together for five months and i already know that we can go longer. Im sorry but i can't do that to her - i wish i could".

This would be the part where she gets embarassed and puts her head down and i assure her that, " i swear if i wasnt with Sami i would fuck you in a heartbeat, like that *snap*. Hell we could do it right here for all i care, im pretty sure KUMAR behind the counter here wouldnt mind to see a blonde bombshell like you naked, hell i would like to see that now. But the thing is, is that ive been homewrecking situations with girls my whole dating career, yes its like work to me, and its not you, but its me. I wanna stay loyal to myself and her."

BUT, it went along with something like this...

ah one, two, ah one "two - thirty three, and heres your change, have a nice day".

If your ever in the car with a horny blonde girl, please for the love of god drive fast and get to where you need to get as fast as possible, or she might get higher from the weed and fall asleep on you. I'm speaking from experience.


She DOESNT look cute with the drool hanging out of her mouth

"kaylie, were at your place, wanna go upstairs?"

"yah sure cho, lead the way..."

Ipick her up and carry her into her room, put my keys, and phone on her bed stand, lay her on the bed and ask "wanna fuck?"

her roommate answers for her- "no she doesnt, now get the fuck outta here before i stick my stilleto shoe in your fucking eye!"

"but she said she wanted to-"

She wasnt kidding.




"lisaaaaa...its ok, stop hitting him, i wanna fuck him."

"Kaylie, your high as fuck, do it tomorrow."


Lisa kindly leads me out of the apartment with a chair, and then a phone book from the top of the stairs. I walk to my car and realize i dont have my keys. I knock on the door and lisa answers from the other side- "What the fuck do you want?"

"lisa i left my keys on her bed stand can you get them?"

"I dont see them..."

"fuck man you didnt even move to look, go get them!"

"i said i dont see them, if you dont leave here ill call the cops"

"come on dont do this-"

"yah hi, theres a man, about 5'10" outside my door, just pounding on it, and screaming, its scaring me - and my roommate is very sick, please send someone over to get him out of here!"


"well choyce, the only thing i see for you right now is to make two CHOICES, ha, either run, or get arrested."

DOWN the street i go, running into trash cans and signs -bus stop, bus stop, where the fuck is the nearest, AH! sign for transit train. GOTTA RUN THERE! A little advice for the avid pot smokers out there-Bennington and Bennington Street arent the same place.

I wake up 3 hours later, i know this cause when you buy a ticket, it tells you your time of arrival, and for some reason arriving at Bennington Street from Ashbeen Ave took three hours when in fact they are only twenty seven blocks via subway. WELL now im in fucking Bennington Town, a small college town 3 fucking hours outside the ruthless city i call home. AHH! i go into my pocket looking for my phone but its not there, fuck its no kaylies night stand, SHIT so are Evans keys to his jeep - oh fuck hes gonna be late for work. Next Train into Park City...uhhh, wait, wait...what the hell? This means - FUCK ME! i have to take an hour train to Novi, to Urisin, fifteen minutes on Urisin, just to switch to the frequently stopping train just to get back into Park. Well the 6 am train cant be THAT packed.

Have you ever opened a can of sardines? Welcome to Park City Transit at 6am in the morning. I get off at my stop back into Park City at 10:45 in the morning. As im walking to walking down Kaylies street i see Lisa going to her car.


She sees me coming and sticks me in the cheek with a thumb tack.


"I thought you were attacking me?"

I take the tack out of my cheeck scream, get all huffy puffy and look at her, "YOUR A FUCKING NUT CASE! YOUR FUCKING INSANE! YOU BEAT ME WITH YOUR OWN SHOE, YOU CALL THE COPS ON ME, and NOW YOU FUCKING STICK ME WITH A FUCKING TUMB TACK IN THE FACE?DO you realize i ended up in Bennington?! DO YOU !?!" I call her insane, and here i am, with three hours sleep, a bloody ear from the shoe, and an pock mark from a thumb tack, all the while screaming at some poor defenseless - damn good lookingchick in a suit, at 11 am.

"Choyce you live on Bennington..."


"oh...oh shit, well kaylie is awake, so um...go ahead and get your shit - prick."

"fuck you."

"no thank you sweet heart, and plus im not passed out, you wouldnt enjoy it."

She drives away and i walk inside.

She says your phone has been going off all morning, where the fuck have you been?

"I have been everywhere, fucking everywhere just to fucking fuck you. EVERYWHERE."

"well um...im sorry?"

"can we just fuck now?"

Ya...no, my boy friend is coming in like ten minutes you should probally go."

© Copyright 2020 Pop Choyce . All rights reserved.

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