Little Kacey Hankie had a best friend that would always stay with her. If she moved, so would her best friend. Her best friend’s name was Flo. Flo the Fork.
Sorry to all those folks who thought Buddy the Butter Knife was Kacey’s best friend. Flo took the “Best Friend” title after Kacey stole her from Home Goods.
Instead of Kacey taking a picture of Buddy to school, she now took a picture of Flo.
All day and night, Buddy sat on a shelf in Kacey’s room watching her pay attention to Flo instead of him. Doing so broke Buddy’s heart. He hated not being the center of attention.
Flo loved being dressed up by Kacey in the little doll clothes that she had received for Christmas the year before, but she loved being by Kacey’s side all the time even more.
Buddy always tried his best to avoid Flo and stay next to Kacey, even though it didn’t always go as planned.
Chapter 1: Spilling the Beans
Kacey sat at her kitchen table writing on a pad of paper, planning her
sixth birthday party.
“Do you think I should have a disco or a princess theme?” Kacey asked her twelve year old sister, Morgan.
“I don’t care. Just pick one and go with it!” Morgan snarled as she wrote more of the middle of her book report that was due that day.
Megan, Kacey’s mother, frantically ran into the kitchen.
“You guys are going to miss the bus if you don’t hurry!” Megan cried.
Kacey dropped her pen on the kitchen table, flung one strap of her backpack over her right shoulder, and ran outside to catch the bus.
Morgan, on the other hand, just continued to work on her report.
“Um, Morgan?” asked Megan. “You better go and get the bus because I can’t drive you today.”
“Can I stay home today, Mom?” Morgan said.
“Why? Is my baby feeling okay?”
“I’m fine. I just need to finish my book report that’s due today.”
Megan sighed as Kacey ran into the house and told Morgan that the bus driver was looking for her.
“She not going. She has to finish a book report,” replied Megan. “But don’t get any ideas, though. This is the only time I’m going to do anything like this.”
Kacey nodded and ran back to the bus.
As soon as she left the house, Morgan mouthed the words, “Thank you.”
Twenty minutes later, Kacey stepped off the bus and walked into Miss Jane’s kindergarten class.
Miss Jane walked over to Kacey with a piece of paper in her hand.
“Kacey,” she began, “I have a paper for your sister. Whose class is she in?”
“Mr. Souza’s, but she’s not here today,” Kacey answered.
“My, my! Is she alright? She’s never absent!”
“Oh, don’t worry, she’s fine. Morgan just didn’t finish her book report that was due today and worth seventy-five percent of her final grade.”
Miss Jane stared at Kacey in disbelief.
“What sick human being would let their daughter stay home because they waited until the last minute to do an assignment?” asked Miss Jane.
“My mommy,” said Kacey matter-of-factly.
“You’re coming with me to the office to call your mother!”
Miss Jane motioned Kacey to follow her as she walked down the hallway.
Chapter 2: The Wrath of Megan
Miss Jane and Kacey walked into the office and over to the
“Dial,” Miss Jane ordered.
Kacey quickly dialed her phone number and hoped it would go to message. It didn’t, however. When Megan picked up, Kacey put it on speaker phone- she wasn’t doing this alone, even if it was
her own mother.
“Hello?” asked Megan.
“Hi, Mrs. Hankie,” responded Miss Jane, “this is Jane Marriot, Kacey’s teacher.”
“What did Kacey cut up this time?”
“Believe it or not, this isn’t about Kacey. This is about your other daughter, Morgan.”
“But she’s not even in school today.”
“I figured that out from Kacey. She told me that you let Morgan stay home from school because she didn’t finish a book report.”
“Kacey! That child has such a big mouth! When she gets home…”
“Um, Mrs. Hankie? You realize that you are on speaker phone and that Kacey is in the room, right?”
“Sorry. Now what do you want?” Megan sounded mad.
“I want you to come and bring Morgan.”
Megan hung up, so Miss Jane did, too. Then she and Kacey walked back to the classroom.
A tear rolled down Kacey’s cheek as she walked into the classroom.
Paul Plant, a child that Miss Jane always yelled at, came up to Kacey and chanted, “Kacey got in trouble, and now she’s crying!” Before Kacey knew it, the whole class had joined in.
Miss Jane shouted, “Class! That is quite enough! Just for that, you now have to take out your alphabet workbook, trace the letter ‘B’, and color the picture of the beach ball.
The class groaned as they took out their workbooks.
Kacey tried her best on her paper, even though her fourth and seventh “B’s” didn’t really look like “B’s” at all and she colored outside the lines a little bit on her beach ball, Kacey handed
it in anyway.
Just as Kacey opened up her silent reading book, Mrs. Snyder, the school secretary, came onto the intercom and said, “Miss Jane? Can I please have Kacey to the office for one moment?”
“Sure. She’ll be right down,” answered Miss Jane.
Kacey closed her book and walked into the hallway, her legs feeling like Jello.
Mrs. Snyder held the door open for Kacey, so she took baby steps down the long hallway.
“Kacey! For Pete’s sake!” shouted Mrs. Snyder. “I’m not getting any younger over here! Hurry up!”
After being shouted at, Kacey ran the rest of the way down the hallway and right into Megan.
Chapter 3: Yelling
“Mom, you got here so quickly!” said Kacey.
“We only live two miles away, you know,” Megan answered.
Morgan stood beside Megan with a frown on her face and a stack of stapled loose leaf papers in her hand.
Kacey asked, “Did you finish your book report, Morgan?” Morgan said nothing. She gave Kacey the evil eye, instead.
The evil eye made Kacey feel uncomfortable.
“Maybe you should get to class, Morgan,” Mrs. Snyder said.
Megan kissed Morgan on top of her head and told her to walk Kacey back to class.
The Hankie sisters walked back down the hallway.
Before Morgan could drop Kacey off at her classroom and leave, Miss Jane spotted her and motioned her to come inside.
“Why, hello, Morgan,” Miss Jane began, “how’s that book report?”
“Unfinished,” Morgan mumbled.
“Mr. Souza said that he’d come by my room to talk to you after he dropped your class off at art.”
At that moment, Mr. Souza walked into the kindergarten classroom. He smiled.
Miss Jane greeted him by saying, “Good morning.”
“Hello, ladies,” he replied.
“Mr. Souza, would you like to read Morgan’s book report?”
“Yes, I would. Thank you, Miss Jane.”
Morgan handed him the book report and he started reading it.
“It’s funny how it starts out so good in the beginning, but then it turns into kindergarten work.”
All of the kindergarten students looked at Mr. Souza, but he ignored them and kept talking. “At the beginning, it says, ‘this book was truly enriching’. However, the last sentence you wrote
was, ‘I liked it. I was good. You should read it. The end’. That’s not the end. That’s just where you stopped writing because your mother had to bring you into school.”
“So what’s my grade going to be?” Morgan asked.
“‘What’s my grade?’” he mimicked. “I’ll tell you what your grade’s going to be. An F!”
Morgan began crying.
Mr. Souza shouted, “Oh, cry me a river, build a bridge, and GET OVER IT!”
Miss Jane whispered to Mr. Souza, “Hey, Paul? Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?”
The whole kindergarten class began to make kissing noises, even Kacey.
Miss Jane’s face got hot.
“Stop it!” she yelled. “Alright, Mr. Souza. You can get back to me on that. Now, why don’t you take Morgan back to class.
Mr. Souza nodded, left the room with Morgan, and Miss Jane got back to teaching.
Chapter 4: Home Again, Home Again
Kacey and Morgan walked in though their front door after they got off the bus. Megan was waiting for them at the kitchen table.
“How was your day, girls?” Megan asked.
“Awesome!” Kacey replied. “I got to see Mr. Souza yell at Morgan!”
Morgan said nothing.
“Okay, Morgan. Why don’t you go work on your homework?” suggested Megan. “I have to talk to Kacey.”
After Morgan left, Kacey sat down on Megan’s lap.
“Kacey, baby?” said Megan.
“Yes, Mommy?’ Kacey answered.
“You do know that since you told Miss Jane something you shouldn’t have, I have to punish you? You do know that, right?”
“I’m happy you realize that. Now, what do you think is a fair punishment?”
Kacey shrugged her shoulders. “No TV for a week?”
“Oh, no, Kacey. I don’t think you should get off that easy. I was thinking no Buddy or Flo for a week.”
“No!” Kacey screamed. “Anything but that, please!”
“I’m sorry, Kacey. But a punishment is not supposed to make you happy. Can you please get Buddy and Flo from your room and give them to me?”
Kacey sighed and went up to her room.
Less than a minute later, she was back in the kitchen with Buddy and Flo.
“Hand ‘em over,” Megan ordered as she held out her hand. Kacey obediently gave her the silverware
Megan got up and put Buddy and Flo in an empty kitchen drawer. “Until next Thursday, one week from now, this drawer if off limits. Do you understand?”
“Good,” said Megan. “Why don’t we go play with some of your other nice toys.”
“No thanks, Mom I really need to cry right now, so I’m going to go up into my room.”
“Wait, Kacey!” Megan didn’t know what to say next. She just wanted Kacey to stay with her since Morgan was mad and would stay in her room and ignore everybody. So Megan said, “How’s life been
Kacey started crying.
Then Megan suggested, “Maybe you should go up to your room and open the flood gates. I have a headache and would prefer of you didn’t scream and cry down here.”
Crying little Kacey ran up the stairs, into her room, and slammed the door shut.
Chapter 5: This Drawer Ain’t Big enough for the two of us
Buddy and Flo leaned again the walls of the drawer.
“How long are we in for?” Buddy asked.
“Seven days, Buddy, seven days,” Flo answered as she ran her hands over her pointy tines in boredom.
“What are you in for, Miss Fork?”
“Same thing you are Mr. Knife.”
“Hey, that’s Mr. Butter Knife to you.”
Flo’s stomach growled. “I’m hungry,” she complained. “Kacey’s banned from this drawer so she can’t give us food.”
“We could sneak out into the kitchen and get something to eat when everyone’s asleep.”
Buddy smiled at Flo’s great idea.
“How long until everyone’s asleep?” he asked.
Flo opened the drawer just a little crack and looked out.
“It’s dark,” she reported. “No lights are on anywhere and there’s no one down here. We have to make our move now. You jump first!”
Buddy took a deep breath and leaped down onto the hard tile floor. He made a loud clinking noise- loud enough to be heard upstairs by anyone who had been lying awake trying to fall
At that moment, the stairwell light came on and Megan walked down the stairs in her bathrobe.
Flo quickly closed the drawer, leaving Buddy lying on the cold kitchen floor.
Megan walked into the kitchen and gasped at what she saw on the floor. She picked Buddy up and shouted up the stairs, “Kacey Lynn Hankie! You get down here this instant!”
When Kacey didn’t come down a few minutes later, Megan screamed at the top of her lungs. “KACEY LYNN HANKIE! I WANT YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!”
A tired Kacey walked down the stairs.
“Mom, it’s three in the morning,” she complained. “Can’t we do this in like five hours?”
“THERE’S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT!” Megan continued to scream.
“Jeez, Mom! You’re going to wake Morgan up!”
“WELL WHY NOT LEAVE HER OUT OF THE PARTY! MORGAN MEGAN HANKIE! PLEASE REPORT TO THE KITCHEN!”
Morgan stormed into the kitchen.
“What?” she snarled.
“I found a certain piece of silverware on the kitchen floor.” Megan held up Buddy, also known as the evidence. Kacey gasped in shock. “Who did this? Was it Kacey? Or was it Morgan? Or did
they finally work together on something and be partners in crime?” asked Megan.
Kacey rolled her eyes. “None of us did it. Can we please go back to bed now?” she asked.
“NO!” Megan screamed. “NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I FIND OUT WHO DID THIS!”
“Um, I did it,” Morgan confessed. “Yup, it was all me. Can I go back to bed now?”
“You swear you did it?”
“I swear. I did it all by myself and Kacey had nothing to do with it.”
“Alright, then. Girls, up to bed! Let’s go!”
Kacey, Morgan, and Megan walked upstairs and went back into bed.
Chapter 6: Megan and Willy plus One
Five hours after the early morning incident, Kacey, Morgan, Megan, and Willy, Megan’s boyfriend, were sitting at the kitchen table eating bacon and eggs.
“Thanks for breakfast, Willy!” Morgan exclaimed.
Willy replied, “Oh, anytime, Morgan. It’s the least I can do for letting me move in with you. So Megan, did you tell Kacey and Morgan the big news?”
“What big news?” Kacey asked.
“I didn’t tell them yet. I was going to tell them when they got home from school, but I guess I’ll have to tell them now,” Megan said.
“Tell us!” exclaimed Kacey.
“Alright.” Megan sighed. “In about three months, I’m going to have a baby girl.”
“So that’s why you’re getting so fat!” Kacey realized.
Megan laughed. “Yes, that’s why I’m getting so fat.”
Everyone ate the rest of their breakfast in silence.
As they were washing the dishes, Morgan was looking for something to say. Finally, she said, “So what are you guys going to name the baby?”
Willy wiped his sudsy hands on a dish towel.
“We were thinking either Violet or Jessica,” Willy said.
“Those are great names,” answered Kacey, “but I have another name that might be better.
“What is it?” asked Willy.
“But that’s your name.”
“That’s why I like it.”
Megan laughed as she rubbed her stomach. Then she began talking to the baby that was inside of it. She said, “Do you like those names, Baby? Huh? How would you like to be named Violet or
Jessica? They’re both such pretty names, I bet you’d like them both.”
Kacey looked at Morgan and made the cuckoo sign. This time, Morgan laughed.
“Beep! Beep!” That was the bus that came to pick up Morgan and Kacey.
They said good-bye to Megan and Willy, grabbed their backpacks, ran outside, and climbed onto the bus.
Chapter 7: Spreading the News
Kacey walked into Miss Jane’s classroom with a huge grin on her face.
“Why so happy?” her friend, Rosa, asked.
“You’ll find out soon enough, at sharing time,” Kacey responded.
After Kacey put her backpack in her cubby and took her lunch box out, Miss Jane called everyone over to the rug.
“Okay, everyone, sharing time is about to begin. Who would like to go first?” asked Miss Jane.
Nearly everyone in the class raised their hands. She called on Kacey and Kacey stood up.
“Is this about your mean mommy again?” Paul asked.
Kacey shook her head.
“Just listen,” she ordered. “This morning during breakfast, my mommy…”
“Was mean?” Paul interrupted.
“Shut up!” shouted Kacey. “Now, where was I? Oh, yes. During breakfast this morning, my mommy told me that she’s going to have a baby girl in a few months.
The classroom was suddenly filled with “ooh” and “ahh” and claps.
A light bulb suddenly went off in Rosa’s head. “So that’s why your mommy was so fat when she came in on career day!”
Miss Jane giggled and then asked, “Did you pick out a name yet?”
“Well, my mommy and her boyfriend, Willy, are choosing between two names, Violet and Jessica.”
Paul laughed. “Those are stupid names,” he snickered. Kacey stuck her tongue out at him.
“That’s enough, you two! You guys fight like a married couple!” exclaimed Miss Jane.
Kacey and Paul looked at each other. In unison, they said, “Ew!”
When sharing time was over, there was snack break and math. Before Kacey knew it, it was time for lunch and recess.
After a peanut butter sandwich, a bag of pretzels, and a juice box, Kacey, along with the rest of the kindergarten, went outside to have recess. The whole school had recess together, so the
playground was always crowded. Because of that, Kacey usually stayed on the huge field that was right next to the playground. However, today, she wanted to venture onto the playground to look for
Chapter 8: Morgan’s Little Secret
“Morgan! Morgan! Where are you?” Kacey shouted. She was pushed and shoved by the sixth graders who thought that just because they were the oldest ones in the school, they could control the
Suddenly, three people dressed all in black crossed Kacey’s path.
“Aw, guys!” one of them exclaimed. “Look at the little baby!”
“Who are you idiots?” asked Kacey.
The same one that called Kacey a baby said, “I’m Carol. My friends are Matt and Paula. Now, what is a little baby doing on the playground?”
“I need to find Morgan. Morgan Hankie.”
“Morgan Hankie?” Carol clarified. “That loser? She’s probably in the reject corner with her nerd friends.”
Kacey was shocked. She’d have guessed that Morgan was the life of the playground, not in the reject corner with a bunch of nerds that couldn’t get their noses out of their textbooks.
“C’mon, li’l Morgan,” Matt ordered as he, Paula, and Carol walked over to what Kacey guessed was the reject corner. “Your sister’s right over here.”
When they all arrived where Morgan was, she was found sitting in a circle of tree stumps with three other people.
“Hi, Morgan!” Kacey exclaimed. Morgan turned around, looking terrified. “I didn’t know you were a reject!”
“I’m not!” Morgan was quick to respond. “I’m just helping these people.”
“Who are they?”
“Mary, Kendra, and Roberta… not that I knew them before! They just told me their names like two seconds ago.”
One of them stood up.
“I’m Kendra,” she told Kacey, “and I’ve known Morgan all year. Every recess, we do Algebra together.”
Morgan shouted, “No we don’t!”
“Yea, we do! Remember you called me Kendra the King of Math and then you said you wished you were me.”
“Do you have any proof? I don’t… alright! I’ll admit it! I love Algebra! It’s so fun and I feel so free! Numbers are my best friend because people change all the time, but numbers have to
stay the same forever!”
Kacey stood quietly for a few moments before smiling and walking away.
Just as Morgan began to think that she was off the hook with Kacey and that she would never have to talk about it again, Kacey started running around, chanting, “My sister’s a nerd! My
sister’s a nerd!”
Chapter 9: Dr. Matthews to the Rescue
Buddy and Flo still sat against the walls of the kitchen drawer.
“I can’t believe you didn’t get us food when you jumped out of the drawer!” Flo complained.
“It’s not my fault,” answered Buddy. “I’m a butter knife jumping onto tile floor. What do you think is going to happen?”
Flo shrugged her shoulders.
“Point taken,” said Flo.
Suddenly, Flo put her hand over her stomach and shouted, “Ouch! That really hurt!”
Buddy looked confused.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I have cramps in my stomach!”
“No, this is different from the last time this happened. These hurt one million times worse and I don’t think they’ll pass soon! It’s feels like I’m having a baby!”
“So that’s why you were getting so fat! I trust your judgment, though. I’m going to call the doctor.”
Buddy’s shaking hand took out his Blackberry and dialed the doctor’s number. Once somebody picked up, Buddy shouted, “Hurry over to my house!”
“Hello, this is Dr. Matthews. How can I help you?” asked Dr. Matthews.
“My baby’s having a wife!”
“I mean my wife’s having a baby! Please get over to 1823 Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice Street, Kitchen Drawer Number One!”
“I’ll send someone over as soon as possible!”
“Hurry!” Buddy hung up the phone and ran over to comfort Flo. She was sweating buckets.
In between taking deep breaths, Flo managed to say, “Buddy, we’re not married. Why did you tell the doctor we were?”
“So I could ask you this after I hung up.” Buddy paused and took out a box from a jewelry store. He opened it and continued to talk, “Flo Frances Fork, will you marry me?”
Flo’s jaw dropped.
“Now?” she screamed. “You’re asking my now? Uh, alright! I’ll marry you.”
Buddy placed the shiny diamond ring on Flo’s finger and she began to cry.
Suddenly, Dr. Matthews and two other doctors wearing scrubs jumped into the open drawer.
“Where is she?” Dr. Matthews asked.
Buddy rolled his eyes and said, “It’s the fork that’s screaming and crying! Duh!”
The two other doctors knelt down next to Flo and helped her deliver a healthy four ounce baby.
“Aw, it’s a spoon!” exclaimed Buddy.
Flo corrected, “A girl spoon.”
“What do you want to name it, Hon?”
“How about Sally? Sally the Spoon.”
As Flo cradled Sally in her arms, Sally opened her mouth and began screaming at the top of her lungs. Buddy smiled.
“It’s cute now,” Dr. Matthews said, “but when Sally won’t shut up in the middle of the night, it won’t be so cute anymore.”
“Of course it will, Dr. Matthews, of course it will,” Buddy replied.
Chapter 10: Another Hankie
Kacey sat bored in her classroom, praying for an escape.
Just then, Mrs. Snyder came onto the intercom and asked, “Miss Jane? May I please have Kacey Hankie to the office for dismissal?”
“Sure you can,” answered Miss Jane. When the intercom clicked off, she added, “Alright, Kacey. Pack up.”
Kacey got up and went to her cubby. After she put her Powerpuff Girl’s lunchbox in her backpack, Kacey waved good-bye to her class and walked to the office.
She was surprised to see Willy there.
“Hey, Kacey!” Willy exclaimed.
“Why did you pick me up early?” asked Kacey.
“Because your mother is in the hospital.”
Kacey’s jaw dropped, she was speechless.
Morgan came into view as she turned the corner.
“What up?” she asked coolly.
“Mom’s in the hospital!” Kacey blurted out.
“She probably just had her baby,” Morgan explained.
Willy said, “Correctamundo, Morgan.”
Morgan, Willy, and Kacey got into the car and drove to the hospital. The whole way there Willy was listening to the oldies station on the radio. No matter how many times Kacey begged him to
change it; he always told her that it was his turn to pick the music everyone listens to in the car.
Ten minutes later, when everyone was outside Megan’s hospital room, a doctor told them that they could go in.
A smile spread across Megan’s face as her loving family walked into her hospital room.
“Shh, be quiet,” Megan warned. “She’s sleeping!”
Kacey tip-toed up to her new sister and kissed her on the forehead.
“What’s her name?” Kacey whispered.
“Jessica Violet Hankie,” Megan whispered back.
“That’s so pretty.”
Out of the blue, Willy got down on one knee and took out a box from a jewelry store.
He opened the box and asked, “Megan Elizabeth Hankie? Will you marry me?”
“Now?” Megan answered. “I just had a baby and you’re asking me to marry you? Uh, alright. I’ll marry you.”
Megan held her hand out, waiting for Willy to put the ring on it; she’d been through this before with Kacey and Morgan’s first dad.
As soon as the ring was on her finger, she admired how it glistened in the artificial light.
Willy then took something out of his pocket that he said was for Kacey.
“Willy, I’m sorry, but I’m not marrying you!” Kacey quickly responded.
“It’s not that kind of something,” Willy laughed. “It’s Buddy and Flo. Oh, and some spoon.”
Kacey’s eyes glowed with excitement.
“I’ve been missing you guys!” Kacey grabbed all three utensils and hugged them tight. “Even though I don’t know who you are, Miss Spoon.”
Buddy whispered to Kacey, “I’m a proud father! Flo had a baby girl, Sally. Sally the Spoon.
“So, Mom, when’s the wedding?” she asked.
“Whoa! Hold on there, Cowgirl Kacey!” Morgan exclaimed. “I’m sure the wedding will be in a couple of months, right, Willy?”
“Actually, I got over excited and planned the wedding for this Sunday,” he mumbled.
“What? I won’t have time to get everything I need since they’re not going to let me out of here until Saturday. I still need to get a dress, book a caterer, book some music, and get flowers.
There won’t be enough time!”
“About that… I did everything while the girls were at school.”
Jessica began screaming and crying.
Then Megan started rocking her. Within a few minutes, Jessica had quieted down and Megan began thinking.
She thought about her three beautiful children and about how she would be married to Willy that Sunday.
Epilogue: A Double Wedding
Kacey sat in between Morgan and Jessica, who was in her baby carrier, in the front row of Megan and Willy’s wedding. Kacey picked up Sally and cradled her in her arms.
Megan got up onto a podium and began talking.
“Thank you so much for coming to me and Willy’s wedding!” Megan said. “Before we get started, I would like to say a couple of important things. First of all, I’m happy to announce that we
have two new Hankie girls, Jessica and Sally.”
Everyone cheered and stared at Jessica, who Morgan was holding up in her carrier for people to see.
“Second,” Megan added, “my daughter’s fork and knife are also getting married today, so if you could all look over to where I’m pointing.”
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