It was the most terrifying decision I ever had to make. It’s not as if I had a huge field of choices I could pick as if they were daisies. Though, I finally know what I must do, as I sit on
the paper covered table top. If I moved even an inch you would hear the crinkle of the paper.
I’m in this sterile little cubicle as I wait for Doctor Shaffer. He’s a specialist doctor, which is why he’s going to about
this. . . This thing that has been unrightfully planted in my body.
You might wonder why I say that this abominable growth was “unrightfully planted”. You might think I get what I deserve to
not control the urge to be a whore. But, that’s not it at all. It’s not like I wanted that monster to smother me with such terrible truths.
Last february I met this really cool guy. He was good looking and was just really awesome (on my own freakish terms). He had
medium length black hair, with dark olive eyes. He has the most perfect nose; yes, I have a thing for noses, simply because I don’t like my own. Anyhow, that day he was wearing black pants with an
awesome shirt advertising Lamb of God.
He was new at West View, our high school, and I just knew something was bound to happen. I volunteered (which I don’t odten
do) to be his guide around campus, for the dear of never getting the courage to introduce myseld to him any other time. So, I showed him around campus, while just finding out about him. Of course,
we exchanged names, his is Chris, and I told him mine was Angie. I wasn’t going to tell him it was short for Angelina because it is too prima donna for me.
Anyhow, we really hit it off and even got plans to hang out the very next weekend. I was so ecstatic, but I couldn’t, you
know, seem like it, without accidentally sending off the preppy vibe I have tried to ward off since freshman year. I also still had to act like everything was casual, even if he was probably the
cutest guy I have seen in a while. Anyhow, on our “date” we just cruised around Phoenix, went into some vintage record stores, looked at some guitars, aw well as getting some food to eat at Pete’s
Fish and Chips.
It might sound lame to whoever might bbe reading this, but you know, who cares? I though that night was probably the
highlight of my pathetic little life, even now, when I know what tupe of person Chris really is. So, we hung out allot, since there were only about ten metal-heads in our entire school. Sadly, my
friend Roxxi and I were the only girls of that group.
There were times when ouur whole little posse of misfits would just go out into town and terrorize and set fire to little
kids. Nah, just kidding. We’d all just go to the mall, as there were quite a few of our gang that enjoyed five finger discounts. Well, every time I hung out with Chris, it was just hanging out as
friends. But in march he showed up at my house and told me to come with him. He said, “I have a very small surprise for you, if you are willing to come with me for a little drive.”
I replied, “Okay, let’s go then,” as I grabbed my wallet and pulled on my Korn beanie and slipped into my Salvation Army
jacket. It was very windy that week, even though it really shouldn’t have been. Only twenty minutes in the car, we landed in front of the Glendale Arena, where you could just hear the manic
screaming. I couldn’t help it, “Oh. My. God. You got Otep tickets?” I just threw it all up. Every bit of evidence that has contradicted who I am since I was fourteen. I had puked up every bit of
evidence that I used to be a prep.
“No. We’re gonna sneak in and end up spending the night in the local jail house. Yes, I bought two Otep tickets. One
expecially for you,” Chris alost sang out those words.
Again, those terrible impulses. I almost trampled him fown just hugging him. “You are too freaking awesome. Thank you so
much. Too awesome!”
“Let’s get in before the show stats. Although, there is one catch.” We started walking towards the arena.
“Oh, and what’s that? Don’t tell me I have to give you my soul. I already gave it to the devil.” Oh yeah, I’m teasing. I
might be atheist, but not a devil worshipper. I am spiritual on my own terms.
“Oh damn it! Then I guess you’ll just have to be my girlfriend to make it up.” He looks down at me and I smile with a smile
bigger than that of a plastic doll’s.
“Oh well, if I have to. I think that arrangement might work.” I reply to him as we finally get to the entrance. He hands
over our tickets, and we are allowed in. I grab his hand as I shout over everyone else, “We have to get to the front.”
We elbow our way to about ten feet from the stage as Otep starts performing “War Head”. I ended up screaming just as much as
she did. The next day I slept in extra late, as it was the last actual day of spring break, even though we still had the weekend. The rest of the weekend my voice was so raspy and almost invisible
I was freaking out, afrraid the loss could have been permanent.
Once school resumed we hung out as if everything was normal, although of course we left c lass to make out in the hallways
every once in a while. Ah, the power of text messaging. . . It was a great time.
So, about a month after otep, Slipknot’s Subliminal Verses Tour ended up in Arizona, finally. We of course, ended up going.
I enjoyed every single song played there. The concert was great, but once we left the night turned into a nightmare. I’m sure the devil cringed at what Chris did.
Yes, that was the night Chris ended up raping me. After the show he drove my towards my house, but instead of turning into
my development, he drove into an area that was being constructed and therefore was deserted so late at night. I asked him, “Where are you going? It’s getting late and I’m kind of tired.”
“I have another surprise for you. Don’t worry. It’ll be great.” Chris looks at me and smiles.
I retort, with alarm in my voice, “But, my parents said that after the concert I go home. Come on, turn around.”
“Oh, but I want to spend some more time with you. Don’t worry.” He would not listen, it was almost as if he was possessed
with a demon. No matter how much I pleaded he would not listen.
I tried to grab at the steering wheel, to swerve off the road. Chris glared at me, and pulled over. “Don’t you love me,
babe? You said you did, yet you haven’t proved it. Tonight is supposed to be fun. If you want, we can spend the whole night here.”
“N-no. Stop. T-take m-me h-h-home now,” I stuttered these sad little words with tears dripping down my face. My black liner
was dripping like blood down my cheeks.
“You are going to prove your love to me tonight. I deserve it, doing all these little things for you. : Chris grabbed both
my wrists and got on top of me, pinning me to the seat. With my petite size of barely five feet, I was quite stuck. I’ll spare the details.
No matter what, there is not a single word that can describe how terrible and wrong the rape truly was. Anyhow, afterwards
he booted me out of the car to walk home. I did not have my cell phone and I ended up walking home, which was only about three miles away, but still pretty scary, considering the time of night.
When I got home I told my mom what happened and she called the police to report the molestation, while my step dad was in their bedroom watching the television. I am surprised my mom never reported
him to the police. He is an abusive man and my mom used to be so independent. She lost it when dad left her.
The police interrogated me over and over again with almost the same questions, I wasn’t even able to go to sleep until the
sun had woke up, with its brilliant rays hurting my weak, sleep-deprived eyes. The police kept a local look out for Chris, as he had even been reported running away by his parents. He told me he
had wanted to try to make it in Seattle, like other musical artists had. Maybe he went there. But, it’s not as if my case was big enough to be National news.
Anyhow, about three weeks later I missed my period. I got really paranoid and bought a pregnancy test. I looked at the
package it came in, and the dreaded truth was known. Chris had released the virus of life into a lone egg. The process of pregnancy had begun. I was devastated. My mom was at work, as with my step
dad, and I didn’t really have anyone close to talk to. I blasted some Korn. I cried and yelled. I broke glasses and stated mutilating my pale arms with those crystalline shards. It was so sad.
There is one line in Fight Club where marla says, “I want to have your abortion.” When I was thirteen I thought it was kind of romantic in a sick way. Now I’m sixteen, and wished Chris never
did this to me.
When my mom came in the house she freaked out. Before she could yell, I embraces her, hugging her, crying, as I sobbed out,
“Ch-Ch-Chris knocked me up. Damn him. He’s forcing me to have. . . Have a child of evil hatred.” I cried some more. I hated Chris so much for what he did. My mom told me to get in the shower while
she cleaned up the mess I made. I felt bad for being so destructive and then having my mom pick up the pieces when it wasn’t even her fault.
When I was through trying to calm down, long after I had got out of the shower, I came out of my room. My mom was sitting at
the kitchen table next to my step dad, Robert. “Why the heck did you break all those dishes? That’s good money gone out the door. Why didn’t you help your mom clean, too? She’s a human being, not a
slave.” Of course he would have to yell at me.
“Two things wrong about what you just said. Are you sure you even got your GED? First of all, you didn’t buy those dishes.
My dad bought the, Second of all, slaves were humans. Just because their skin was darker doesn’t mean they were subhuman. Pplus, she told me to go and calm down, or else I would have ended
up cleaning it up. You know, if you came in when I was on my kness with shards of glass in my hand, you would probably be castrated by now! Yhou deserve it as much as Chris, if not more.” He
started to make my blood boil. I was sick of all his petty comments, as if he owned everything in the house my dad paid for. Filthy scum.
“Don’t talk back to me like that. I keep a roof over your head, food on your plate, and clothes on your back and you repay
me by talking your crap, as if I’m one of your little buddies. I don’t think so, you little brat.” Robert stood up, trying to frighten me with his weak threats.
“Again, get your freaking facts straight! The house is paid for, the only meals I usually eat is school food or bought by
Chris, since the crap you force my mom to buy isn’t even safe for the maggots to eat. Also, I buy my own clothes working at the sotre. In fact, my mom and I would be better off without you since
all you seem to provide is bruises and bloody noses. If you even put your grubby hands on me again, I;m calling the cops, butt hole.” I was breathing heavy, with adrenaline rushing through my
He walks towards me, and I show him the phone I have in my hand. “I;m serious, dill bag. I’ll call. No matter what. Unless,
of course, you’d rahter not bring out the neanderthal out of you and sit down to asses the situation, as most normal families do?” I smile fakely and sit down.
“Fine then. What’s there to asses?” Bob was still mad, I could see that, but I was the one with the higher power at the
“Facts. Chris raped me. It felt like crap not being able to stop it. He also,” My voice started to crack. “He also knocked
me up; I’m carrying his child right now.” I started to cry. “I can’t even get an abortion, can I?” I sobbed, thinking about how depressing that could be, until my mom spoke up. I could tell Bob
didn’t care, but she did.
“You can get an abortion, baby. I’ll set up an appointment for you,” My mother said, stroking my hand.
“Maybe if you didn’t trust him at all you wouldn’t have been here, don’t you think?” Bob retorted this in such a repulsive
I stood up. “Fuck you , Bob. You can go to hell, just like the rest of your family. I ran off to my room and slammed the
My mom obviously got soemone to perform the abortion. So, that’s why I’m here in Dr. Shaffer’s office. Watiting. Oh, here he
is. Right now he’s telling me about these pills I have to take, and writing me a prescription. I guess it’s still early enough to where I don’t need forceps to remove the fetus. “Any questions?”
Dr. Shaffer asks.
“No, doc. No questions. Just a big thank you for helping me go on with my life and not letting the monster that did this to
me ruin my life and my body, and even the life of someone who could have been. Just, thank you.” I say this very sincerely with a smile on my face. It actually looks innocent with the absence of
heavy makeup. Doctor Shaffer smiles back. I think he likes giving women a second chance.
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