An-Editorial-on-My-Small-Hometown

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
Another rant, written when I had just about had enough with the small minded people in my small town. Also posted elswhere on this site.

Submitted: December 19, 2008

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Submitted: December 19, 2008

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“One good thing about living in a small town…if I don’t know what I am doing, someone else ALWAYS does.”

Why is it that the size of a town seems to be in a direct correlation to the size of the I.Q of its inhabitants?

I sat having coffee this morning, idly watching people and, as is required of members of small towns, listening to other people’s conversations. I have concluded that the majority of the people in my town must suffer from brain damage due to lack of oxygen. It is the only hypothesis I can think of. We are, after all, at a higher elevation.

Iam reallyconfused as I observer this anomaly. I am sure that the schools here are just as competent as in larger cities, and yet the people seem to get dumber as they get older here. I often find myself searching frantically for any sign that I am, in fact, in an old episode of the “Twilight Zone.”

It saddens me, too. As I listened to one conversation in particular, I couldn’t help but wonder why so many of my town’s population have such little regard themselves and their family.

For example, this woman of about 35 to 40 years of age was talking with a friend of hers, exclaiming loudly how she was sooo tired. When questioned as to why, she replied that she had “just gotten custody of her two grandchildren.” Her friend immediately, eyes gone agog, sat and hungrily lapped up the rest of this sad story. I, too, listened in…most guiltily, of course. It seems that nosiness is something that is contagious in this town, spread perhaps by the water. She went on to say that the police were called to the home for a domestic disturbance of some kind. The children were taken and their mother was charged with “A Malicious Domestic Incident” or some such and Child Endangerment. It seems the father was arrested for Endangerment, as well. The children, ages 2 years and 3 months, were taken and given directly to her. Apparently, the father is her son, she was bemoaning the fact that he works all the time and is never home, and that “bitch” just sits on the couch, watching TV. He “shouldn’t have been arrested…he is never home. It is not his fault the children were in a house like that.”

I am saddened, listening to this. I found myself wondering just what the hell the father was doing “all the time,” and why, when he DID come home, didn’t he notice that his babies were in an environment THAT foul? I know for a fact that it takes a LOT for CPS to consider a home as an “endangering environment” here. Children are rarely, unfortunately, taken from their families in this town. I say unfortunately because I see so many situations where the children are going to be lucky to come out of it in relatively one piece, both physically and mentally.

I know I am not one to preach on “mental capacity,” but I do think I manage to do a relatively good job at screwing my son up as little as possible.

I am also, frankly, shocked at how glibly the people of this town regard arrests, jail time, and dysfunction. Did you know that the majority of people my age have been arrested and done some jail time? Did you know that they do not call it going to jail? They refer to it as “vacation?” I kid you not, ladies and gentleman.

A friend of mine witnessed another example of the lengths the natives of this town will go to in order to exhibit their capacity for stupidity. This one involves an arrest for carrying a deadly weapon. But no ORDINARY deadly weapon…it was a katana! On July 4th, two men were seen arguing outside a gas station in town, and the cops were called. One of the men was arrested because he had a katana hidden underneath his trench coat. One would wonder why in the hell he felt he needed to carry this around, but I supposed only if one were not a complete MORON.

Here’s one I read about in the local paper:

A woman wrote in to inform the people that had been parking in front of her house and having sex in the middle of the night that she wished them to stop, and had a night vision camera (apparently to film the wildlife that comes through her yard) that had caught the whole thing. She also went on to tell them that she had not only their license plate number, but their “front side and backside” on camera and was going to post it on You-Tube if they did not come and clean up the used condoms from her yard. I had to applaud this, however. I thought it highly amusing and well, justified. Can you imagine what happened after the paper came out? I can just see this little old woman, sitting on her porch with a camera (or a rifle), waiting for these teenagers (probably) to come clean up their condoms!

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I suppose I will never truly understand why the people here are the way they are, so I had just better get used to it.
Stay tuned, however. I plan to report more about the antics of my fellow townspeople. They just make is so darned easy!


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