Goldilocks, The Three Bears, and Abby

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Okay, this is my version of a "Fractured Fairy Tale", written under my other nome de plume, Abby Normal.

Once upon at time there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She was a beautiful child with long, flowing, golden hair that she would spend hours brushing; to the extent that all her chores were dumped on her less than beautiful, strange little sister, Abby.

One day Goldilocks was bored with ordering her little sister about, so she instead drug her on a walk through the Forbidden Woods. The Forbidden Woods was a forest on the skirts of their father’s lands, and was full of all sorts of hobgoblins, sprites, wolves, and bears. It was these bears that their father had warned them most about, for it was by these bears that their Mother had been eaten by.

The two girls proceeded deeper into the forest, despite Abby’s pleadings with Goldilocks, and she received a slap to the mouth for her troubles. The girls found a small foot path in the shadows of the ancient forest, and Goldilocks chose to follow it. Abby, concerned with her older sister’s welfare and scared to be this far from home alone, followed.

All the while the two girls were wandering, a family of bears was sitting down to break their fast. A father bear, who was big and gruff, complained that the food was too hot. A mother bear, who only tried to please, scooped up their baby bear and suggested a nice walk. Father bear agreed, and the three of them set off.

Goldilocks and Abby soon came upon a crudely built house in the middle of the Forbidden Forest. Goldilocks, who had exhausted herself with the walk, insisted they demand food and a place to rest. The pampered little brat was not used to exerting herself much beyond grooming and ordering her little sister around. Abby, however, was frightened by the sheer size of the door to the home, and begged Goldilocks to turn around and head for home. She, again, received a blow to the face for her trouble; but luckily Goldilocks was too tired to put much strength behind it.

Abby followed the unruly, spoiled sister into the home and looked around. They saw a large chair, a medium-sized chair, and a chair the size of the girls. Goldilocks immediately set to testing the food at the table, as well as all the chairs. Abby, again, begged her to leave, to no avail.

Abby, finally finding the courage to head out on her own, ran from the home as Goldilocks had finished feasting and had fallen asleep in the bed of the baby bear. She ran into the family of bears and was about to be eaten when she begged them to listen to her story.

Grinning with a most evil, wicked grin, Abby told the family of the golden haired child that had forced her to break into their home and aid her in the theft of the breakfast. She told them of the mean little girl who was at this very moment, sleeping in their child’s bed!

With a self-satisfied smirk, Abby accompanied the family of bears back to their home, where they did, indeed, find Goldilocks asleep.

The Watch in the Woods was called once the girl was sufficiently bound and gagged, and forced to stand trial by the creatures of the woods. Abby took the stand as a witness, and testified about the atrocities her sister commited daily to the animals of the glenn and wood, as well as the horrendous treatment she received by her sister.

The wood sprites, who stood judgement, and creatures of the forest, who stood as jury, found Goldilocks guilty of one count of Breaking and Entering, one count of Theft of Breakfast, and ten counts of Domestic Abuse. They sentanced her to execution by the bears. The Bears said she was delicious.


Submitted: December 20, 2008

© Copyright 2021 Punk Rock Pixie. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Katya Dee

This was hilarious! Want to read more please :)

Tue, March 31st, 2009 2:13am

scrabblesnob

Haha. I take it you have a sister... Ooh, how about a take on of that absurd Red Riding Hood...where the wolf wins! Check out my portfolio if you have a minute.

Thu, April 2nd, 2009 11:12pm

Helena Parris

Sick, but I liked it. Even as a little kid, I never could figure out how Goldilocks got away with breaking and entering.

Mon, April 6th, 2009 3:31am

zssteil

Great funny story i hope you write more.

Sat, September 12th, 2009 9:49pm

Gunrunner

That was freaking funny. As the younger of two siblings myself, I'm totally with ya there!

Thu, October 15th, 2009 6:23am

WrittenHope

This....Is....Awesome! And, while that word is grossly overused, I feel it works here. Goldilocks was such a brat, which, in all honesty, was how I've always thought of her. This story puts the so-called-original to shame...
~HopeXP

Wed, October 28th, 2009 1:14am

zssteil

Great story!!! keep writing more.

Thu, October 29th, 2009 12:21am

CrankbugCat

This is a cool story.
I wouldn't cut some of the sentences so short though.

As for those of you complaining about how kids wouldn't understand this, you have to understand that it was rewritten for a crowd of older people. Just because it was originally a children's story doesn't mean that everytime it's redone it has to stay one.

Excellent work though Punk Rock Pixie!
Keep it up.

Fri, January 22nd, 2010 11:46pm

DreamerKS

Valerie, don't make fun of art. It gets you nowhere. This is a great story. I bet it takes someone with a lot of imagination to create something like this. I also bet A LOT of people couldn't make something like this if they tried.

And Punk Rock Pixie, you rock. I'm not kidding. I love this story! Even though I'm the older sibling, I understand Abby completely!

I just hope my little brother doesn't so that to me.....Lol

Mon, November 15th, 2010 4:41pm

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