Mia and Me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Mia and Me

Submitted: July 21, 2014

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Submitted: July 21, 2014

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“I really don’t think I can walk any further. I feel faint.”

I could feel Mia’s eyes on me, judging me as we walked.

“Do you have any idea what some girls go through? They barely eat, but they can still exercise for hours each day and feel just fine.”

I wasn’t sure that what Mia was saying was completely accurate, but it was motivation to carry on. Just 45 minutes and I would be home where I could slob out and relax. Just 24 hours and I could eat.

“I just don’t feel like lying today.”

“You have to. You either lie or face the arguments that’ll come if you don’t.”

I fumbled around in my pocket for my phone and dialled home.

“Mum? I’ve just left Jasmine’s so I’ll be home in 20 minutes. I can eat tea with you after all.”

As soon as I hung up, Mia pushed me up against the side of the convenience store, her hands wrapped around my throat.

“Mia, you’re hurting me!”

“So, you’re just going to cop out and take the shortcut home huh? Take the quick way home so you can eat with your family watching you?”

I pushed her off and stormed into the convenience store. Mia followed me in, knowing full well what was to come. But she just watched. She didn’t say a word. I walked slowly up the first aisle, past the drinks. I had £4, but that was to last me another week yet. Mia picked up a diet Pepsi and handed it to me.

“I’m here to help you. You can still get out of this you know. You haven’t actually eaten anything yet.”

I threw the bottle back on the shelf and headed to the confectionary aisle. To my left were rows and rows of chocolate bars. And to my right were biscuits. I could feel myself getting uncomfortably full, gaining weight just looking at them. A brief thought crossed my mind about picking up as much as I could and running but instead, I picked up a large packet of triple chocolate cookies that were on offer and took them to the till.

As I walked towards the counter, I had Mia hissing at me over my shoulder.

“She is judging you. She knows you’re a fat pig and she knows that you’re going to eat them all yourself…”

I paid quickly and shoved the cookies into my bag, Mia’s words now just a blurry mess in my head. I couldn’t hear any of them but I could imagine exactly what they were. My whole body was tight with anxiety and I stood still for a moment, debating whether to go home or to walk in the other direction and never turn back. But of course I had to go home. After all, there was nowhere else for me to go.

The closer I got to home, the slower I seemed to walk. Mia walked beside me, muttering ‘It’s not too late’ every couple of seconds. She was still repeating this even as I sat down to the table and raised the first forkful to my mouth.

After tea, I sat on my bed, feeling full. Disgustingly full.

“Congratulations, you’ve eaten your entire allowance, finished the whole meal. How do you feel?” I didn’t respond. She knew exactly how I felt.

Mia sat on my floor, crossing her legs.

“Don’t make yourself comfy.”

“Why not?” she responded innocently. “You fucked up – so what? I’m not giving up on you. Tomorrow’s a new day.”

I flung open my drawer and grabbed the chocolate cookies I had bought, demolishing all eight of them. And then I ran down the stairs, ramming ice cream and chocolate and biscuits down my throat, washing it all down with a few glasses of strawberry milkshake. I was weak. I am disgusting.

I walked back upstairs and heard Mia’s voice call to my dad.

“Dad, I’m just popping out for a walk. Won’t be long.”

“Okay. Are you taking the dog?”

“Nah, I’m not going far.” She turned to me and smiled.

“Mia, please… I don’t want to. Like you said, tomorrow’s a new day. That was the last time, I swear.” She ignored my plea, leading me out the door and to the gap in the wall that I had hoped I wouldn’t have to use. It was only a couple minutes from where I lived, and out of sight from pretty much everywhere. The brick wall that separated my street from a grassy bank above the main road had a triangular dip in it, big enough for a few people to get into comfortably. No one did though – it was littered with weeds and glass bottles. As Mia led me to this spot,  I could feel the toxic sludge I had consumed in my body, making me ill. Making me fat. I took a deep breath as Mia looked around, checking we were alone. She threw me to the floor, grabbing my hair and sticking her fingers down my throat.

“Why did you have to do that?” she screamed at me.

I struggled against her for ten minutes. Ten whole minutes in which she had her fingers down my throat, and still nothing would come up. I pushed Mia off, lay down on the grass and burst into tears. She lay down beside me and began to blur so I could see all sides of her at once.

“Why won’t you be sick? Try again.”

“Tomorrow’s a new day. We’ll start again.”

“I’m just trying to help you. You know that, don’t you?”

I lay there sobbing. And I was completely alone.


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