So Long Goodbye

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's hard to let go of someone, when you know exactly what their fate will be.

Submitted: September 15, 2012

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Submitted: September 15, 2012

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“Do you really believe that?” His voice sounds wounded, scathed. A little more broken than before.
“Yes,” Cassie is adamant, determined. She can’t back down, not now. No matter how much she wants to. “Yes, I do.”
 
It’s strange. Terrifying, even, that every moment – every glance, giggle, stumble, every touch, whisper and smile, every lost thought and misplaced word, all of it, had lead them here. To this decision. This moment, this heavy moment they wish so desperately to abandon. To forget about. To flee from.
 
“Well, that’s a stupid belief.” Michael sounds young, like he is five years old again, deeming Cassie’s idea of riding bikes on the beach as ‘stupid’. “You can’t ride a bike on the beach, Cass!” he’d exclaim. “You’ll get stuck!”
She feels stuck right now.
Stuck between letting go and holding on. Stuck between letting him leave, and demanding him to stay.
She feels like a horrible person either way.
 
“No, it’s not,” She holds her ground. Cassie never was one to back down. “No, people die out there, Mike. Every day, hundreds of them. Why, why do you want to be one of them?”
“I want to give something back-“
“Then volunteer at the homeless shelter! Go to church! Help Mrs Blake carry her groceries home!” She’s livid now, furious at him for thinking this is more important than them. Their love. Their life. Their everything. “You don’t have to die to give something back!”
“I’m not going to die, Cass-“
“You will. You will, you won’t come home to me.”
“Are you saying I’m weak? That I’m not cut out for it?”
“No,” She shakes her head, willing the thoughts to leave her. “No. I’m saying that’d be my luck.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m happy, Mike! I’m finally, finally happy. And now you want to leave – go get yourself killed for your country.”
“I’ve been stationed before, Cass-“
“Not for that long, and not on the field. You’re an engineer, Mike, not a soldier. You’re not destined to die on that battlefield and I don’t care what you have to say about it.”
 
Mike, for a fraction of a second, feels lost. Should he go? Should he leave his girl like this? Alone? Michael Colt always has the answer for everything. Always knows what to do, how to do it and when. But not now.
No. Right now, Michael Colt is irrevocably lost.
 
She stares at him, and he feels as though he is under surveillance. As though every thought ticking through his misty mind is being read thoroughly. As though his mind is expected to run smoothly, every plan ever made to be executed to perfection.
But this is far from perfect, this is a mess. It's a horrible, horrible mess, and the trepidation rising inside him like bile, only grows stronger. He can feel it, taste it.
He longs for a mouthwash strong enough to wash away the aftertaste of the decision he is about to make.
 
Cassie shakes her head and gets up, making for the door.
"Where are you going?"
She pauses, as though she needs a moment to pull herself together. Pull herself back from the edge. She needs to breathe, to remind herself to be strong.
"I just need some air."
 
Mike knows that leaving her is wrong. After all these years, all this time, all that planning. Her plans, her plans for her life, full of ambition and happiness, did not involve losing him to the war. That being said, his dreams never included the army, either. His dreams, they were far from it.
But he feels a duty. He feels compelled to do this. It’s what his father would have wanted – and what his dad wanted, Mike always, always seen to. He had been the dutiful son. But would it be what his father wished for, to leave the love of his life like this? Alone? Without protection? Without him?
Is it right?
 
No, it’s not. It could never be right, in any world.
No matter how hard he tries, he can no longer see things in his father’s point of view. The only thing Mike can see, is Cassie. His angel, scared, stressing, needing him. And he’s not there.
Where is he?
No, he can’t. He can’t leave his girl. He could never, ever leave his girl.
 
By the time Mike realizes this, Cassie is long gone. Probably to the beach, or the park. She'll come home, expecting to find Mike packing his bags, saying his goodbyes, but no. He'll be here.
Right here. Waiting for her.
 
He'll stay. He'll always, always stay.


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