she, the girl in my sheets

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is a poem I wrote for my ex girl friend

Submitted: July 23, 2013

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Submitted: July 23, 2013

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Every time I see you smile it feels like part of me has been ripped apart

I don’t want to love you; I want every part of my body to feel disgust at the sound of your name

I want to hate you every time I see your face; see my life was complete with the love for my life that only existed for three days. I thought your soft but firm touch would comfort me when society finds out I’m gay. Your soft lips to be the kind of love that takes away the pain of rejection, part of me wanted to hold on and say “but we meant to be “but then I remembered your fear of commitment and lack of romantic emotions and I let go. I let go of you but held on to Love. I hold on to Love because I know that someday someone will walk through the doors of my heart and carve it a different shape. I know that the broken shape you left will be flourished into the most beautiful creation of mankind. Maybe the cliché’ “my love for you will never die” might be true.

Well for this it is. Every time I take a glance at your big eyes I swear I die but my love for you remains there; when I resurrect from a voice in the background I realised that I had died for a minute or two or maybe even an hour remembering what I was doing my heart pounds boom boom boom I get flash backs and instantly remember that my love for you had not died..if Jesus love and taught his dense disciples why can’t you forgive my foolishness and simply right it off as a bill to love.

I don’t want to sit here with you. I don’t want this casual small talk. My heart has failed me because every time I want to stand up I swear my heart communicates with my brain to lock me down with chains. I feel compelled to stay here with you. This; your presence is nothing but a prison cell to me. I want to leave you like you left me. I want this to be as easy as picking up a one night stand and moving along like nothing happened. Can’t getting away from you be like running the comrades marathon? Wait! I can’t run, so maybe it is. Maybe loving you was aiming for a goal far beyond my reach, see I can’t even run from home to the shop.  What is happening to the friendship we build then wrecked by sleeping together? Will it still be there when my heart comes down and comes to terms with you being with someone else? 

Maybe one day you will call and tell me you love me. Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to welcome you back when you realise the worth of my love. Maybe I’ll pick up the phone and realise it’s you and tears will start rolling down my cheeks like they’re doing now. Maybe one day I’ll pick up the phone and realise my best friend is on the line and start giggling like a high school teenage girl. Maybe one day you’ll love someone and it won’t be me. yes there are a lot of uncertainties but I am certain about one thing. The pain in my heart that I can not describe.  Feeling my soul get heavier by the day. Nothing hurts more that acting like I’m not hurting, cause seeing you happy with someone else will surely be the death of me.

Yes I’m jealous and I want you all to myself and yes I know that, that is not want you want. You want to chase, you want the adrenaline of ruining after someone that is running away from you. I want intimacy you want sex. I want to have you all to myself and you want to render your services to all the other sexy slender lipstick lesbians.

I will slow down, I will forgive but I will never love this hard again.


© Copyright 2018 Queen Vee. All rights reserved.

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