Open Emotions

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a summary of some of my feelings about my friends and... well, my feelings.

Submitted: November 25, 2010

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Submitted: November 25, 2010

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I always thought I was very open with my emotions. I've never been afraid to laugh when I think something is funny, even if it is wrong or offensive. I always tell when something makes me angry, even if it is over a trivial matter. When I am sad, I cry. It doesn't matter where I am. I can walk through the halls of my school and go through class with tears running down my cheeks; I cry when I am upset, and I have no shame in that. I am always honest with my feelings.

However, I only recently realized how little people notice my feelings. They notice if I tell them I am happy, or angry, or sad, but other than that they do not see my feelings for themselves. Or at least they pretend not to.

I can't say how many times I've sat in class, cheeks tear-stained, sniffling, and a friend walks up and gives me a happy greeting. They sit and say hello, looking me straight in the eye as I nod in response, tears still falling. Then they either start a conversation, or turn and say nothing else.

Do they not see my pain? Do they not see how broken and hurt I am, just needing someone to maybe listen to my feelings? Am I not obvious enough? I've always felt that when someone cries, it is a sure sign that they are hurting and are in need of help. So why is it that no one sees my tears? No one realizes I need them and offers help?

Occassionally, my feelings do not go unnoticed. Sometimes an observant friend will realize my suffering. However, they do not try to listen to why I am upset. They tell me to cheer up. They tell me that things are okay, they tell me to smile.

I do not wish to smile when I am upset. I don't want to just shrug it off, look on the bright side, and keep going. I need to feel my pain, acknowledge my sadness, before I can move past it. I want to talk about how I feel. I want someone that I can tell what is bothering me. Someone to listen, maybe advise, but mostly be a friend I can talk to. Unfortunately, none of my friends are interested, so I have begun to keep my pain inside.

I share other feelings. Happiness, usually. Anger, desire, enjoyment. Feelings that others understand. But no one understands my pain. No one understands what I need to mend myself.

And so I keep it inside, hold it in and try to get by myself. Try to keep it from everyone so I can avoid the encouraging words, the ones who tell me "Cheer up". It works... to a point.

I still wish for someone to understand. For someone to listen to me. For someone to be there.


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