How this feels

Him-

“Here we go again,

With your doubts and fears”

“I don’t deserve this.”

“I didn’t do anything to you for you to be this way”

“Don’t take it out on me”

“Stop being so negative”

“Don’t take it the wrong way”

Me in my head-

“No, I don’t want to do this again, I’m not trying to do this again I wish I could talk and explain”

“I can’t stop being afraid, why does everyone want me to be brave?”

“You do deserve better, I’m broken and that’s not your fault.”

“I’ve been alone my whole life, I wish you could love me, understand me”

“Everything you say, I wonder how long you will stay, I think of being alone again, and I push away.”

Just hold me tell that you’ll stay, I’ll believe you if you tell me every day.

Just hold me love me I promise the fear will melt away.

But you get angry and guess what you walk away.

 all my fears are real

And this is why I will never heal

Because every time I want to believe

I’m forced to remember how this feels.