Bee Grateful You Weren't Me!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
An angry bee gets trapped inside a woman's pants.

Submitted: April 03, 2007

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Submitted: April 03, 2007



My boyfriend Tom and I lived for awhile in Rio Linda, California. We rented a small, older model house. The property was surrounded by cyclone fencing, and every six feet or so, there was a rosebush. The bushes bore blooms of different colors and varieties. I gradually learned to maintain them, so that they would stay healthy. It was a beautiful little house and yard.

Tom was disabled and stayed at home. He had a small pension, but to earn extra money I did temporary clerical work through various agencies in the Sacramento area. The assignments were fun and easy. It was impossible to ever get bored on a job because they only lasted from one day to two weeks. Normally, by the end of the current assignment, another agency would have called me in the meantime and set me up for the next one. I stayed busy doing temp jobs most of the week.

One morning, I had stopped at a particular agency in Sacramento to pick up a paycheck for an assignment that I had completed. I was off work that day and could dress casually, so I had on a pair of pink coulots and a blouse. Coulots have individual legs like a pair of pants, but the legs only go down to the knee and are very large at the bottom. The overall effect is that the wearer looks like she’s wearing a skirt. I accomplished the casual feel, but I was dressed-up looking at the same time.

Tom and I stepped inside the office building on this beautiful spring day. (I didn’t have a driver’s license at the time, so Tom took me to my assignments and anywhere else I needed to go.) The air conditioning felt good. We sat in chairs as I waited for my turn to pick up my check.

The place wasn’t very crowded, and soon I was called up to the front counter. I exchanged pleasantries with the secretary as she reached into a file drawer for my pay. She handed me the check.

"Thank yoooooouuuuuuuu!" I cried, as she handed me the envelope.

Unbeknownst to me, a bee had followed Tom and me into the office. It had flown up a pantleg of my coulots and had stung me right in the middle of my left butt cheek! Owie zowie! That bee must have had some POWERFUL venom! I felt like a freshly-branded cow!

I threw Tom the envelope as I danced around in a circle in front of the counter. I screamed like a banshee as the venom tore its way through my hind end. I lifted up one leg and then the other, trying to shake the bee out of my coulots. My efforts were to no avail. He was still lost inside my legholes! I knew he was in there because I could feel the vibration of his wings against the inside of my legs, and the thought crossed my mind that he could sting me AGAIN before he found his way out!

I was standing in front of a large picture window, facing traffic. I can’t imagine what the passing drivers were thinking as they saw me dancing around in a circle, lifting up one leg and then the other. If I had seen MYSELF in that picture window, I would have looked like I was performing some kind of Native American ceremonial dance! All that was missing was the fire! Oh, wait. I HAD the fire! I could FEEL it spreading down my left buttock, and the MATCH was still buzzing around near my thighs!

Maybe if I bent OVER, the bee would see daylight and find his way out of my coulots! It took all the resolve I had to keep from jumping around. For a few seconds that seemed like years, I faced the counter and bent myself in half, holding my breath as the bee landed on my right thigh and crawled down the length of it to the blessed daylight pouring in at the end of the leg hole. He paused at the back side of my leg for a second or two. Tom and the secretary watched in suspense. The traffic outside had a good view as well.

A sympathetic gentleman stood and held the door open, just in case my plan worked. I had the feeling that he was good-looking. There was no way I could tell. All I could see of him in my bent-over position was a pair of cleanly pressed black slacks.

The bee flew away through the open door, having left a very bad impression on me and everyone else in the office. Very much relieved, I stood up to the sound of spontaneous clapping from everyone in the office.

The sting still burned in my hind end, but I managed to keep my composure long enough to live true to my motto: "Dignity at all times."

I thanked the secretary and left with Tom to cash my check at the bank. The first thing that I bought with my money that morning . . . was a new tube of Benadryl!




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